Understanding Abusive Relationships - 5 Benefits of Learning to Identify Intimate Partner Abuse

If you have read my writing, you may know me as someone who encourages people to recognize intimate partner violence. But, I wonder if you know why I'm so steadfast about this.

Learn to Meditate Is Like Learn to Mate

I'm reminded of the days when I taught biofeedback and meditation to individuals in my psychotherapy practice. It seemed like no matter who walked through that door, whether they had high blood pressure, irritable bowel syndrome, fibromyalgia, migraines, insomnia, anxiety, panic attacks or depression, I always opened the door for a discussion that ultimately led to three little words: Learn to Meditate!

People came into my practice wanting symptom reduction and walked out of my practice with life enhancement on top of symptom reduction. I'm telling you this little story because it's the same with my pervasive message of: Learn to Identify Intimate Partner Violence.

The Benefits of Learning to Identify Intimate Partner Abuse

Let me elaborate. You see, it's not only that you will be better able to recognize a bully or identify your circumstances as fulfilling the criteria of intimate partner violence or not. Oh no, it's much more than that.

When you learn to identify intimate partner violence, here's what also happens over time.

1) You know how to prevent an abusive relationship from developing

2) You know how to arrest an abusive relationship in the moment

3) You know how to avoid abusive relationships before they begin

4) You bring into focus the flip-side of partner abuse, and from here you can clearly pursue it

5) Ultimately for most people that's exactly what they want...a loving intimate relationship characterized by mutual honor, respect and support.

If you have the occasion to understand this dynamic and plan to have an intimate relationship, you owe it to your self to understand the silent insidious syndrome of intimate partner abuse before it sneaks up out of nowhere and catches you by surprise.

For more insights and information about identifying domestic abuse visit http://www.IsThisAbuse.com and claim your free Survivor Success Tips and eInsights. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people worldwide recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse at home and in court. ?2008 Jeanne King, Ph.D.

Battered but

"" Yes ", you can cross-post the message. It is not necessary to anonymous, people might think it was a woman, and this is something that I would want to avoid. As a victim of spousal abuse of my former marriage partner, why not I have left? Go to a shelter? Get help anywhere? First, I loved my ex-spouse. Although it had a problem with violence, there was more to this than just the abusive behavior. I tried to work out the problem. Did not want to admit that "he had a problem" [today also some-thing many women's groups refuse].

Secondly, I love my children. I felt that an active parent who I could moderately or distract of abuse that can have on children. Today, it is for adults. But I know that the courts not a man to give a fair shake when it comes to books. A man may not be a good father to child care, must prove that his mother is incompetent.

This makes only a more adversarial situation on both sides and we know that the single biggest Predictor of emotional and causes problems in children is open hostile conflict between parents. I Was reluctant to go to bat "for my children as would threptikotitas the most negative behavior. By staying in an abusive relationship, I was able to assure myself that I have access to my children and I will see that there is another way a relationship with the parent.

Thirdly, there is a stigma on male victims of spousal abuse that penetrates all our field. I Had a discussion with male Professor at a University [in family section] who refused to believe that a woman abuse could be. Try to speak as a male victim to others that you are a victim of this kind of behavior and responses like this, or comments which get: "wimp", or "why don't I get as a man", or "you need to keep a person or they don't do", or "to" must abuse.

These are some of the comments were raised by people in our area. How can I expect to have some form of understanding of people who were not supposed to understand of the families [police, etc.]. When I met some people in this area is still very understanding and confusing for me on both personal and professional level.

Fourthly, there are very few programs [any] is designed to help battered women

Fifthly, even when researchers data sets that the problem of domestic violence and the formation of a theoretical framework that is not biased [or blind use] could lighten, they get attacked by the more radical, extremist political agendas of groups want to stop, hide or simply ignore the issue by focusing only on "real" victims of spousal abuse.

The political agenda of these different groups to say that I can only look at one type of abuse [because they are "more important"]. While some a lip service to the topic of male victims, rarely, if ever the issue without discussing the revictimizing of men who have experienced abuse. Where is the "ethic of care" that?

The betrayal of a privileged theoretical assumption to maintain a blindsightedness because it does not meet their political agenda makes me extremely suspicious of such groups. It seems to have been able to and will remain free blind, intolerant and cumbersome than admit that their policy agenda is driving their theory and research.

Family violence, or is committed by the man or woman, about an adult man or woman [or child, either male or female] is wrong.

However, in an attempt to determine why this is happening and why people stay in abusive relationships are too complex. Most of the reasoning, research help and content is still blind to the issue of male victims.

View the original article here

Warning Signs of Your Abusive Boyfriend - Are You a Victim?

"Gosh...!! Look at him, how charming and considerate he is! He is the only one that I have ever desired." This is what we usually think when we come across someone who is charismatic and thoughtful. And we end up falling head over heels in love with him knowing very little of the demon that he has inside him.

We would overlook his jealousy and possessiveness thinking to be his way of expressing, how much he wants me and loves me, feeling on top of the world, until the day all hell breaks lose and we get to see the other side of him. We come in touch with someone, whom we have never known, a complete contrast of the person we had deeply fallen in love with. And standing right, there we see our world, which we have weaved with utmost love and care falling apart.

Thus, we begin to doubt about our safety and security in the company of that person, in whose embrace, we once found warmth and comfort. So, before taking the extreme step, knowing the person and his character traits is important, so that we don't end up spending our lives with an abuser in an abusive relationship.

Here are a set of questions which would help you to identify the personality and character of your boyfriend, whether he is likely to become an abuser or not :

1) Does your boyfriend often get jealous of you, your friends, your career and your success? Does he get jealous whenever you talk to your male friends? Does your boyfriend often accuse you of having an affair with others?

2) Does he try to dominate you to the extent of controlling on deciding what you wear and how your hair style should be? Does he treat you as if you are inferior to him? Does he force you to consider him to be the top priority of your life and obey him?

3) Has he ever abused you verbally in front of his friends and family? Does he go to the extent of hitting you for no fault of yours? Does he often threaten you with death?

4) Has your boyfriend ever committed violent crimes against others which may prove fatal? Has he ever thrown or strike or hit objects at you? Is he violent towards children and animals?

5) Does he isolate you from your friends and families? Does he always blame you for his faults and bad luck? Does he always make you feel that you are at fault? he might try to make you feel guilty for no fault of yours.

6) Is he addicted to drugs or alcohols? Sometimes a person becomes violent when he is under the influence of drugs and began to hurt others.

7) An abusive person often has a dual character. He might pretend to be very soothing and understanding than he really is in front of others.

8) His mood fluctuates every now and then. And he gets angry very fast and is generally very aggressive.

9) At one moment he will make you feel on top of the world and in the next minute he would demoralize you and throw you in a trash can.

10) He may forcibly let you do something which you do not want to do. For example he might use his physical strength to prevent you from leaving the room or may even force you to have sexual intercourse.

If you see these traits in your boyfriend's behavior then most likely your relationship is heading towards an abusive relationship. And you need to seek help and guidance from Professional counselor. You need to pay attention to the warning signs however whether you want to continue staying in the relationship or end it abruptly is going to be your own decision.

Now, after going through all the warning signs that your boyfriend is abusing you, what you need is the guidance on how to tackle with such a situation. So, here are the tips on, how to end an abusive relationship.

For more on relationship problems and their improvement, visit my website www.top54u.com

Why High-conflict, misused women try to destroy the Christmas holiday season

There is a new article on http://www.shrink4men.com/explores common behavior of abusive men with Christmas and possible explanations for their behavior and attempts to holidays and other special occasions to destroy.

Here's the link:

Why offensive, destroy High-conflict, personality-disordered women frequent Christmas

Yours sincerely

Dr. Tara j. Pal mat Irishman, PsyD

View the original article here

What kind of person stays with a psychopath or Narcissist?

Error in deserializing body of reply message for operation 'Translate'. The maximum string content length quota (8192) has been exceeded while reading XML data. This quota may be increased by changing the MaxStringContentLength property on the XmlDictionaryReaderQuotas object used when creating the XML reader. Line 2, position 8191.
Error in deserializing body of reply message for operation 'Translate'. The maximum string content length quota (8192) has been exceeded while reading XML data. This quota may be increased by changing the MaxStringContentLength property on the XmlDictionaryReaderQuotas object used when creating the XML reader. Line 1, position 8849.
Error in deserializing body of reply message for operation 'Translate'. The maximum string content length quota (8192) has been exceeded while reading XML data. This quota may be increased by changing the MaxStringContentLength property on the XmlDictionaryReaderQuotas object used when creating the XML reader. Line 1, position 15170.

So far I’ve tried to explain that just about any person can be initially fooled by a psychopath’s mask of sanity and become involved with such a disordered individual. However, while any of us can become ensnared by a psychopath during the initial, luring phase when he does his best to appear better than normal individuals, fewer people actually STAY with a psychopath or narcissist once his mask of sanity slips and they come to see his real, malicious, disordered and abusive self.

Today I’m pasting below an article by Sam Vaknin, an expert on narcissism and psychopathy, from his website and book “Malignant Self-Love”.  This article sketches the psychological profile of the kind of person who stays with a psychopath or narcissist long after the luring and honeymoon phases are gone and Dr. Jekyll has morphed into the real Mr. Hyde. If you recognize yourself in the victim profile, perhaps this New Year’s resolution could be to find the inner strength–and seek the external support–to ditch the psychopath or narcissist in your life. Don’t allow an evil individual to abuse and control you for the rest of your life. You deserve better than that.  At any rate, I hope that this information will help.

On the face of it, there is no (emotional) partner or mate, who typically “binds” with a sociopathic narcissist. They come in all shapes and sizes. The initial phases of attraction, infatuation and falling in love are pretty normal. The sociopathic narcissist puts on his best face – the other party is blinded by budding love. A natural selection process occurs only much later, as the relationship develops, the sociopath shows his true colors and the relationship is put to the test.

Living with a sociopathic narcissist can be exhilarating, is always onerous, often harrowing. Surviving a relationship with a sociopathic narcissist indicates, therefore, the parameters of the personality of the survivor. She (or, more rarely, he) is molded by the relationship into The Typical Sociopathic narcissistic Mate/Partner/Spouse.

First and foremost, the sociopathic narcissist’s partner must have a deficient grasp of her self and of reality. Otherwise, she (or he) is bound to abandon the sociopathic narcissist’s ship after the honeymoon phase is over. The cognitive distortion is likely to consist of belittling and demeaning herself – while aggrandising and adoring the sociopathic narcissist. The partner is, thus, placing himself in the position of the eternal victim: undeserving, punishable, a scapegoat. Sometimes, it is very important to the partner to appear moral, sacrificial and victimised. At other times, she is not even aware of this predicament. The sociopathic narcissist is perceived by the partner to be a person in the position to demand these sacrifices from his partner, being superior to her in many ways (intellectually, emotionally, morally, financially).

The status of professional victim sits well with the partner’s tendency to punish herself, namely: with her masochistic streak. The tormented life with the sociopathic narcissist is, as far as the partner is aware, a just punitive measure.

In this respect, the partner is the mirror image of the sociopathic narcissist. By maintaining a symbiotic relationship with him, by being totally dependent upon the source of masochistic supply (which the sociopathic narcissist most reliably constitutes and most amply provides) – the partner enhances certain traits and encourages certain behaviours, which are at the very core of narcissism.

The sociopathic narcissist is never whole without an adoring, submissive, available, self-denigrating partner. His very sense of superiority, indeed his False Self, depends on it. His sadistic Superego switches its attentions from the sociopathic narcissist (in whom it often provokes suicidal ideation) to the partner, thus finally obtaining an alternative source of sadistic satisfaction.

It is through self-denial that the partner survives. She denies her wishes, hopes, dreams, aspirations, sexual, psychological and material needs, and much else besides. She perceives her needs as threatening because they might engender the wrath of the sociopathic narcissist’s God-like supreme figure. The sociopathic narcissist is rendered in her eyes even more superior through and because of this self-denial. Self-denial undertaken to facilitate and ease the life of a “great man” is more palatable. The “greater” the man (=the sociopathic narcissist), the easier it is for the partner to ignore her own self, to dwindle, to degenerate, to turn into an appendix of the sociopathic narcissist and, finally, to become nothing but an extension, to merge with the sociopathic narcissist to the point of oblivion and of dim memories of one’s self.

The two collaborate in this macabre dance. The sociopathic narcissist is formed by his partner inasmuch as he forms her. Submission breeds superiority and masochism breeds sadism. The relationships are characterised by rampant emergentism: roles are allocated almost from the start and any deviation meets with an aggressive, even violent reaction.

The predominant state of the partner’s mind is utter confusion. Even the most basic relationships – with husband, children, or parents – remain bafflingly obscured by the giant shadow cast by the intensive interaction with the sociopathic narcissist. A suspension of judgement is part and parcel of a suspension of individuality, which is both a prerequisite to and the result of living with a sociopathic narcissist. The partner no longer knows what is true and right and what is wrong and forbidden.

The sociopathic narcissist recreates for the partner the sort of emotional ambience that led to his own formation in the first place: capriciousness, fickleness, arbitrariness, emotional (and physical or sexual) abandonment. The world becomes uncertain and frightening and the partner has only one thing to cling to: the sociopathic narcissist.

And cling she does. If there is anything which can safely be said about those who emotionally team up with sociopathic narcissists, it is that they are overtly and overly dependent.

The partner doesn’t know what to do – and this is only too natural in the mayhem that is the relationship with the sociopathic narcissist. But the typical partner also does not know what she wants and, to a large extent, who she is and what she wants to become.

These unanswered questions hamper the partner’s ability to gauge reality, evaluate and appraise it for what it is. Her primordial sin is that she fell in love with an image, not with a real person. It is the voiding of the image that is mourned when the relationship ends.

The break-up of a relationship with a sociopathic narcissist is, therefore, very emotionally charged. It is the culmination of a long chain of humiliations and of subjugation. It is the rebellion of the functioning and healthy parts of the partner’s personality against the tyranny of the sociopathic narcissist.

The partner is liable to have totally misread and misinterpreted the whole interaction (I hesitate to call it a relationship). This lack of proper interface with reality might be (erroneously) labelled “pathological”.

Why is it that the partner seeks to prolong her pain? What is the source and purpose of this masochistic streak? Upon the break-up of the relationship, the partner (and the sociopathic narcissist) engage in a tortuous and drawn out post mortem. But the question who really did what to whom (and even why) is irrelevant. What is relevant is to stop mourning oneself (this is what the parties are really mourning), start smiling again and love in a less subservient, hopeless, and pain-inflicting manner.

You can see the entire process of psychopathic seduction played out in my new novel, The Seducer, previewed on Bitlit on the link below:

http://www.neatorama.com/bitlit/category/the-seducer/

You can also watch a video preview of The Seducer on youtube, by cutting and pasting the following link:

http://www.youtube.com/user/ClaudiaMoscovici

Claudia Moscovici, psychopathyawareness

December 17, 2010
Categories: sociopath, psychopathy, sociopathy, psychopathy awareness, Dangerous Liaisons, psychopathic seduction, Robert Hare, psychopathyawareness, charismatic psychopaths, codependency, dangerous men, psychopathy symptoms, psychopathy traits, personality disorders, toxic relationships, narcissism, confusing relationships, psychology, Sam Vaknin, Malignant Self-Love, victim profile, victim, mental health . Tags: http://www.youtube.com/user/ClaudiaMoscovici . Author: psychopathyawareness

Be the first to like this post.

Leave a Comment

No comments yet.

Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI

View the original article here

Narcissism: Sam Vaknin--videos

Error in deserializing body of reply message for operation 'Translate'. The maximum string content length quota (8192) has been exceeded while reading XML data. This quota may be increased by changing the MaxStringContentLength property on the XmlDictionaryReaderQuotas object used when creating the XML reader. Line 3, position 8768.
Error in deserializing body of reply message for operation 'Translate'. The maximum string content length quota (8192) has been exceeded while reading XML data. This quota may be increased by changing the MaxStringContentLength property on the XmlDictionaryReaderQuotas object used when creating the XML reader. Line 2, position 9132.
Error in deserializing body of reply message for operation 'Translate'. The maximum string content length quota (8192) has been exceeded while reading XML data. This quota may be increased by changing the MaxStringContentLength property on the XmlDictionaryReaderQuotas object used when creating the XML reader. Line 1, position 9958.
Posted on December 20, 2010. Filed under: Blogroll, Communications, Economics, Education, government, government spending, Law, liberty, Life, Narcissism, People, Philosophy, Politics, Psychology, Video, War, Wealth, Wisdom | Tags: Abusive Relationships, coping, Malignant Self Love Narcissism Revisited, Narcissism, Narcissist, NPD, Psychopaths, Sam Vaknim, Videos |

 

 

 

 

 

Make a Comment

Be the first to like this post.

View the original article here

"Thrives through the holiday" by Ken Ludwig & Rev Cynthia James by "Making the free"

16, 2010 By mind media network

The holiday season to resurface old wounds and bring pain, loneliness and depression.  Family meetings with people, dysfunctional linked or abusive relationships may cause our distress. Ludwig discusses James how you break free from these patterns can, you don't have to deliver your circumstances that cause pain. The listeners, you'll learn how to grow stronger during this holiday season by consciousness and make different choices. You control how you feel, think and act. Ludwig and James discuss how is displayed if you really unlike how everyone remembers you.

Cynthia James is one of the smartest and best loved international spiritual leaders, inspirational speakers, multimedia performers and prize winning authors who is admired and respected around the world to empower and transform the passion of life. Survivors of child abuse, Cynthia effective tools that have helped thousands of individuals, families and couples in transcend and healing of the wounds of abuse and trauma in their lives.  Cynthia is certified as post traumatic stress disorder mediator who has created and led innovative workshops focused on individual growth and enhanced awareness.   The book and the group. Workshop on-demand, both titled "what will set you Free" focuses on healing techniques for victims of abuse and trauma. Cynthia James co-hosts, with Dr. Jordan Paul, "Connections Radio" has also been featured in spirit media network. Visit Cynthia in www.whatwillsetyoufree.com.

Visit "Making the free – service new idea Rocks – new perspectives for competent life" spirit media network.

====================================
Spirit Media Network is an online media network positive are intended to provide you with the best positive internet radio, internet tv and inspirational music. Our inspirational podcasts and vodcasts are designed to meet and exceed your desire for positive media really a difference on a global scale.

"The new spirit in media ~ media makes a difference"

Filed under Making It Out Alive Radio Ken Ludwig, Rev Cynthia James · tagged with spirit Media Network, radio communications, cynthia james, positive media, them alive, ken ludwig, online positive over a network, podcasting, AA, recovery, rehabilitation, what we think, 12 steps, Mile Hi Church, inspirational radio, featured interview, Alcoholics Anonymous, radioshow, spirit, addiction, co-creatornetwork, rehab, podcast, Lighthouse, what will set you free, thrives through the holiday, family dysfunction, abusive relationships

View the original article here