5 Ways to Tell If the Man You Are Dating Will Abuse You Emotionally

There are hundreds if not thousands of ways to tell whether or not you are dating a man who will end up being abusive, emotionally. Here, I will be focusing on 5 of those ways. Mostly because they are the ones most familiar to me and those of other women I know.

I was notorious for attracting the same kind of relationship, one after another, where I would end up feeling like I had to sacrifice a part of me to receive love from my partner. I was either too opinionated, not Christian enough, too real, too me, not hip, unable or unwilling to comply solely to their way of being, or in their eyes, simply not good enough.

Before I would come to my senses, every relationship would mirror the ones before, until finally I started to see the bigger picture. In essence, the pieces to the puzzle were being put into place by each relationship where I chose a path to learning and growth.

Obviously a lot easier said than done but it remains a fact from my own personal experience that until a wound is healed, it is not pain free. The physical wounds of sexual and physical abuse may heal but the emotional and psychological ones remain because the body will have its way of remembering the pain as if it was still happening.

And because the universe works in a glorious way to manifest our deepest and most often unconscious desires, we unknowingly attract through our relationships, life partners, friends, companions, husbands, and wives, that which speaks the loudest.

For me, it was a longing to be truly loved and adored by my mother and father, an experience that must have passed me by as a youth because those feelings were then transferred onto others in my personal relationships and partners. And as a result, I attracted partners and people in my life who were unable to step up to the plate when it came to real intimacy, which is what I sought on a subconscious level due to my emotional immaturity (pain).

So how is it that I can now recognize an emotionally healthy man from one who isn't? Here are the five ways:


Be aware of my own emotions (the healthy and the not so healthy ones) Adhere to the warning signs ( you know them - stop signs, red lights, this is the universe's way of saying do not come this way, so heed those signs) Maintenance cleaning (becoming emotionally healthy is a lifestyle, not an event) Emotionally investigate ( it's important not only to know where you are coming from but also where he has been, his wounds, and if he's been cleaning them out in a healthy way) Doing nothing

By doing nothing you are doing something to feed the wound that won't heal. We all have ways in which we can contribute to the evolution of our own emotional, mental, and spiritual self. No human being is perfect and no one man will be able to be your, everything. However, that is not to say that you should expect to be treated in an abusive fashion be it psychological, emotional, physical, or spiritual.

For me this life has been a stage for learning, living, and loving. And I'm finally happy to say that I can now see in myself what it is I long to find in another.

Just because you've been attracting abusive men doesn't mean they are all that way. Start your New Year off differently, learn what other women know about getting a man who is stable and compassionate.

[http://www.NoTime4Pain.com]

Felecia Townsend is a relationship enthusiast and personal coach. She has spent years learning the art of successful relationships and through her philanthropic writing is giving back to the community that has given her so much.

Dating After Abuse

If you've been in an abusive relationship, dating again can be scary. You're tired of being lonely, but you're afraid of ending up with another abuser. It is normal for women to have these fears. Here are some tips to make the dating scene easier for you:

The most important point that I can make is to wait before you date. It's best to wait at least six months to a year so you can recover from the past abuse and get grounded before you find someone new. The reason for this is when you're just out of an abusive relationship, there's much stress and mixed emotions going on, and you're in no state of mind for dealing with another relationship. Relationships take a lot of time and energy to maintain. When you leave an abusive relationship, your focus and energy should be on getting your life together, not another man.

You may feel lonely at the time, but it's not smart to fill that loneliness with another man right away. Your judgment will be clouded due to the stress you're under, and you may make another poor choice. Wait until you have your head on straight before you make any major decisions like whom to date.

Now may also be a good time to speak with a therapist about your past abuse. A therapist can help you work through the trauma you've experienced, teach you better coping skills, and help you learn how to choose a better mate in the future.

Once you've decided that you're ready to date, start going to social functions where you can meet men. Church, special interest groups, and barbecues are good places to meet and socialize with eligible bachelors. Online venues such as dating sites and social networking sites can open the doors for you to meet people that you wouldn't meet otherwise. Avoid bars, unless you want an alcoholic for your next boyfriend.

When you start dating someone, take it slow. Don't get too serious when you don't know him that well. In the beginning, you won't know what you're getting into. Take time to get to know him first, and then decide whether to continue the relationship, end it, or just be friends. Give it at least three months before you begin to get serious.

Watch out for red flags, such as financial irresponsibility, substance abuse, and controlling or erratic behavior. If you see red flags, it's time to get out. The sooner you end the relationship, the easier it will be. If you hang on, even after you know that he's not the right one, breaking up with him will be harder to do. Don't stay with someone who isn't right for you, just to have a mate. You deserve a man who is responsible, kind, and respectful.

Christine Davis is an author who owns a blog about relationship abuse. Visit her blog at http://www.celebrateyourfreedom.com

Is Dating Abuse and Relationship Violence the Media Candy?

Have you heard the latest dating abuse story?

It does not matter the time, the month or the year, one popped into your head. Even worse is you probably thought of more than one. Recent cases of domestic abuse and dating abuse cases years old, cases that made you outraged and cases that made you cry. Relationship abuse is prevalent. While this is the case it is disturbing how much media is devoted to it.

Doesn't the media help?

The media attaches itself to domestic violence in most all its forms, mental abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse and sexual abuse. Abuse and relationship violence cases draw in viewers and readers and the media outlet is thrilled with additional flow. Thus the case becomes important not so much to condemn the person causing the violence or to wish the victim well. The media is attached because of more business. The public is not really much better.

Why would people not want to help?

People search the media looking for the reason why the person was abused. "She made him angry." "He deserved being hit because..." "She should have just left." "Why didn't he take the children and leave?" There are multiple facets to every story. The media presents the relationship violence story in a singular fashion. Depending on the media outlet they may present the story only in a way to stir up commotion and comments and publicity.

What happens to victims?

Sometimes the domestic violence victims become further demoralized and victimized. People argue over the why did you or why didn't you, attacking the victim further. Often the victim was typically using the information available at the time to make the best decision they could. Looking back the decision may be different. Yet at the time there may have been worries about someone else getting hurt, the inability to get away, even that the abuse was some how deserved.

How can someone believe abuse is deserved?

Relationship abuse does not start off big. The problem with abuse is that it starts small, as the attacker starts breaking down a victim's morals, defenses, and self esteem. When the victim starts to get upset a gift will appear or enough apologies to keep the relationship going. It is followed by the promise it will not happen again. Yet it will. The next incident of dating abuse or relationship violence is a bit bigger than the one before.

What happens next?

If it involves a celebrity it becomes front page news. People point fingers, lawyers get involved, and the media gets more viewers. With a non-celebrity it becomes news when things get really out of hand. In either case there are songs written, music played that make the story seem almost pretty. While people who hear the songs think dating violence is okay and the cycle starts again. Where does it end?

Are you wondering how to get started online? Or need a little how to help?

You can find friendly, easy step by step guides here.

MJ Schrader has a goal of "making your inner rockstar shine in your online business and life" which is reflected in her amiable and instructional forms.

Make your inner rockstar shine and visit http://RockstarGuideBooks.com today

When Dating dangerous turn

"Every year, about 2.3 million people in the United States is attacked and raped or physically by their current or former spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend."-of TheSafeSpace.org

Growing up, I was taught by adults in my life was fun dating and airy. You go to a movie, share a pop, your hands can hold, and if you already have each other long enough, maybe, just maybe, I will have seen on the front stoop pillow before you for the night. Romeo and Juliet history still the power to warm my heart, and really believed in fairy tale endings. In fact, I believed in fairy tale endings so simple that I honestly believed men who lived from some hidden code of honor that stopped my disrespectful, because always I myself as a nice girl, moral presented.

Of course there are many things wrong with this picture, which made me completely to my teenage years followed. Forget the fact that it is quite unrealistic was — was downright dangerous.

The golden rule is large in some kind of pay-it-forward manner, but is not a guarantee of the life you your face well in return have treated. So, while I think it is important for adults to children do that to others to learn, I think that many adults skip an important life lesson, while their children say nice to have other children would be: how to say no when it deems it appropriate.

Don't get parents to tell me me wrong, the children say the whole time, but which is not always tell how their children to go about this. Remember the days when your friends opinions mean everything and your reputation dictates the majority of your behaviour, good or bad? Yes, says that it was not always the easiest thing to do.

Now imagine how teenagers go by when dating is more than just a potential kiss in a threshold. Set bets are made, and imagine the word "no" has lost its power. What's on today?

I was shocked and somewhat wistful when I started to see public service announcements on TV teaching teenagers the signs of an abusive relationship. How would my life be different if I saw PSA that showed me what real live action seemed to be a violent relationship — that the abuse is not always yelling or touch but may is going to be much more subtle. I've found that you could hang out with and where I hang out with them was an error? I have recognized the signs that I was separated from friends and family?

I don't know if my life would be different, but I hope this PSA and websites help teenagers today recognize the signs of abuse and, eventually, break away from anything that lasting scars on the soul could leave. Sites like LoveisRespect.org and TheSafeSpace.org offer some really great resources, such as the signs of an abusive relationship and how you can get help if you're in an abusive relationship. I encourage everyone to checkout — regardless of your age or status. Information about a dangerous and deadly even so can you prevent this from happening to you or someone you love.

And never be afraid to ask for help.

Love and innocence, spoiled

Mika

~ by Mika Doyle on 8 October, 2009 posted in love drunk or Hungover
Tags: abuse, child abuse, abusive relationships, dating, relationships, IGNITE, rape

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Study: Dating violence is common among teens

As if it were not enough to fear when it comes to the teenage years, a new study reveals that violence rendez-vous — both physical and verbal — among adolescents is surprisingly common. In addition, were adolescents who reported violence against girlfriends or boyfriends also likely to have committed acts of violence against friends, family members and others.

"The majority of the students who were violent to their partners agreements were generally violent. They weren't picking their appointment partners especially for violence, "said Emily f. Rothman, lead researcher and associate professor at Boston University School of Public Health. (More on youtube.com: complex political intimidation Tween)

For the research investigated researchers 1398 students from 22 high schools in Boston city in 2008. Asked students to indicate that the number of times during the last month had perpetrated violence against colleagues, family members or persons involved with a romantic.

Overall, almost 19% of students reported physical abuse romantic partner during the previous month, including push, push, hitting, punching, kicking or cut. Approximately 43% reported verbally abusing their partner, swearing or inviting them with fat, ugly, stupid, or other attacks. (More on youtube.com: study: ' Hyper-Texting ' Had Sex, teens are more likely to have tried drugs)

Pupils with siblings, more girls (61%) by boys (51 percent) acknowledged using that some form of violence against another person, with violence committed against romantic partners more boys girls. But both boys and girls, tend to an act of romantic partner overlaps with the possibility of using violence against brothers and sisters and age.

As reported by HealthDay:

The study has some caveats, however. Students — nearly 80 percent of whom were black or potential — only came from public high schools. Those who were recently from excluded and findings were items. Also incentives were not considered, as is unknown or teens acted in self defense.

In addition, said that the results can help people living with teenagers detection appointment violence work, Rothman. "This study supports the idea that we must go for children committed violent with siblings and peers and address violent behaviour in General," he said.

Researchers theorized that dates back to violence only one of several problem behaviour was-such as carrying a weapon, academic difficulty and substance misuse — who is logged on by teenagers. Who would have run into legal trouble or small arms have taken and the tombs of school is likely to report violent behavior, such as dating was teenagers who witness violence in their communities. (More on youtube.com: study: more prone to risky sex of teenage girls teen boys)

New study published in the December issue of the archives of Pediatrics and adolescent medicine.

Related links:

16 and pregnant: Teens tuned-in is disabled of teen pregnancy

Too many One-night stands? Blame your genes

Gay teens getting heavier penalties of schools, enforcement, study reveals

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