Healing Emotional Abuse - Signs, Symptoms & Help For Relationship Problems

It's the cycle of abuse. Abusers always have a history of childhood abuse. They don't mean to pass it on and they would do better if they knew how. Whether you are the abuse victim or perpetrator, you must make a decision to stop the cycle of dysfunction now. Yes, the spider web of abuse is huge, but it can be healed.

Signs of Emotional Abuse:

- Unrelenting criticism

- Yelling

- Intimidation

- Sulking

- Manipulation

- Refusal to be pleased, no matter what you do or say

- Neglect

- Abandonment

- Denies you outside friends or hobbies

- Insists on going everywhere with you

- Negates your opinion

- Won't support your success

It's easy to see if you have been affected by emotional abuse, because the effect of abuse warps personalities.

Symptoms You Have Been Emotionally Abused:

- You are afraid to state your opinion for fear of retaliation.

- You've slowly stopped doing things you enjoy.

- If you miss a phone call, text message or email, you hurry to respond, hoping to avoid a fight.

- You have been ignored or rejected as a "punishment" for your behavior.

- You agree to things just to avoid a fight.

- You report where you are, who you are with and what you are doing.

- You've never received an apology, even when you've been right.

- You take the blame & responsibility for other people's unhappiness or problems.

- You suffer from low self esteem.

- Believe jealousy is proof of love.

Many people think emotional abuse only happens in love relationships, like boyfriend to girlfriend or husband to wife. But domestic abuse is not the only hot bed of pain. Emotional abuse can be seen in child abuse, elder abuse, between friends, family members, co-workers, neighbors and just about any combination of two or more people.

Solutions to Emotional Abuse:

- If you are involved in an emotionally abusive relationship of any kind, get out now. And don't go back until professional help is sought and completed by both of you. Sharon is a woman whose health was severely compromised as a result of working in a department where her co-workers shunned her, made fun of her, lied about her and gossiped about her lack of success and brains. Several times she did report abuse, but her immediate supervisor, as well as the human resources department, did nothing to help her. No paycheck in the world is worth this kind of treatment. Sharon was so beaten down from years of this abuse that she finally gave up and quit her job, before she ended up in the hospital. So, get away from the abuse immediately.

- Stop the abuse by calling for help. The National Domestic Abuse Hotline is open 24 hours a day. 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Let the cycle of abuse stop now and RUN for help. Not another day of abuse needs to be a part of your life.

Professional Psychic & Certified Behavioral Therapist, Kathi Calahan, helps lovers heal their relationship by identifying the underlying problem and providing workable solutions, even if they're thinking of throwing in the towel. Her free newsletter American Love Psychic - How to Grow Old Together is available at http://www.AmericanLovePsychic.com.

Quiz: are you in an abusive relationship?

Whether it's physical abuse or emotional abuse is still overuse and don't deserve.

This is the second part of a series of training do domestic violence and abusive relationships. People often forget that manipulation, emotional and verbal abuse are still forms of abuse and should not be tolerated in a relationship. Read the first part here.

Last week I shared a story about a friend who is in a relationship emotionally abuse, unhealthy, and my attempt to help the emergence of this. Also, it is recommended that information of the House of Laura about how to help a friend who is in an abusive relationship.

I have of my training as a crisis in favour of certified domestic violence, more information about domestic violence and abusive relationships that I share in the coming weeks.

Some people may not even realize that they are in an unhealthy relationship. Why your listing of this quiz from the House of Laura:

(Answer Yes or no to each question.)

Before you have met your partner, you have more friends than they are now (by you or saw do more than you do now) used to be more outgoing and engaging with your friends, family or business unless you often to crying or very sad if your partner calls or texts, you must call the back immediately he said that I loved your early in the relationship is jealous when you browse or casually with someone of the opposite sex talk. He accuses your behaviour that actually doesn't do is aggressive in other areas of life. For example, this will open up holes in walls or toilet or throw things like angry. behavior often rough-houses or reproduction-struggling with you he makes excuses. for bad behavior or says that it is your fault. "has a" dramatic "life at home. He was physically or verbally I think parents who are alcoholics or drug addicts is an alcoholic or drug abuse, he often gives tips on choosing your friends, clothing and other decisions your offensive names. requests, and then laughs and says that only your plate or that you are very sensitive you secretive or have started lying to your partner after you started dating your partner you are very sad. When you are out of your partner need to explain yourself to your partner or you often say that your colleague excuses. more decisions he makes people afraid. by threats, harassing looks or gestures. your partner does not seriously your concerns or opinions. your partner threatens to kill too, if you leave them.

If you answered Yes, any of these questions, it is possible in a violent relationship. Please seek professional help or advice. A source is to call the service national national domestic violence hotline 866-498-1511.

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Abusive Relationship - 8 Reasons You Haven't Left Your Abusive Relationship

You know from the core of your being that living in an abusive relationship is not good...not healthy...outright destructive. But you struggle with leaving. And those that know of your circumstances remain perplexed as to why you just don't go.

I understand and so do the millions of others who have walked in your shoes. The following 8 reasons why people remain in abusive relationships might give you some compassion toward yourself and some clarity with respect to your predicament.

1) You hope, wish and truly want your partner to change.

2) You consciously, and unconsciously, have shouldered fault for his/her battering behavior.

3) You have limited resources and question your ability to carry-on on your own.

4) There are children involved and you know it will be harder being his/her ex (the enemy) than it is being his/her partner and alleged "friend."

5) You think it is your "Job" to keep the family together till "death due us part."

6) Your family, and his/her family, wants you to keep the elephant under the carpet at all cost.

7) In your mind, you are not a "battered woman" or an "abused man"...the title is beyond your wildest dreams about yourself.

8) YET you know from the core of your being that the moment you leave the danger you currently know will escalate, significantly.

Leaving an abusive relationship is not as easy as one my think as an outsider looking in. So allow all of your misgivings about doing so come to the surface and sort them out one by one.

You are not alone. Your exit is not simple. But in the long run once out of an abusive relationship, you will breath a sigh of relief and glow from the core of your being.

If you want deeper understanding of what maintains and what prevents abusive relationships, experience the Intimate Partner Abuse Screen?. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps individuals, families and healthcare professionals recognize and end domestic abuse.

? 2008 Jeanne King, Ph.D. PreventAbusiveRelationships.com

Recognize the Signs of a Male Relationship Abuser

Relationships all start beautifully - two people meet, fall in love, get married, have children. Especially for women, they always think that being with the one who sweeps her off her feet or who makes her heart flutter is always The One. However, this is not always true for all. Yes, some have succeeded, and yet there are still those many couples who do not succeed in keeping the love alive. Most often, after the "honeymoon" stage in a relationship, some people change - for the worse.

Sometimes, you might be inclined to say that these relationship abuses happen only in women who lack the necessary education. Truth is, even highly educated and well-accomplished women undergo the same thing as well.

Men who abuse women in whatever way are often thought of as sexist - probably thinking that males are better than females. A study conducted by experts show that most men who abuse women were themselves abused in their younger years. Thus, there is always the question about trust. These men may have confidence in their partners, but when they believe that their trust has been violated, in their mind, they think they have no other option but to resort to violence and abuse (whether physical, emotional, verbal, or sexual).

Since it is strongly believed that childhood experiences may have played a role in turning these men into abusers, it is possible that in their younger years, they have seen that in order to make women follow their whims, women should be subjected to physical pain. In some cases, abuse is also a reaction or a form of rebellion against females especially when the male had a negative experience with his mother. Unconsciously, he rebels against his mother through his partner especially when he sees some similarities between the mother and his partner's attitudes.

What are the signs that would tell you your partner is an abuser?

Some men initially show charm and care that women's hearts melt and inevitably, fall into the trap. Following are some indications that would tell you your man could be an abuser.

- He tells you sob stories about how a previous relationship ended and how his girlfriend broke his trust. Watch out if he has had several failed relationships.

- He is overly jealous and possessive of you that even the time you spend with your family and friends become an issue for him.

- He has a pompous attitude towards you - thinking that you are incapable of making your own decisions. This is due to his desire to control you and your actions and to make you feel dependent on him.

- He has a haughty outlook about women and believes that women are brainless.

- He has mood swings such that one time he is so sweet towards you, and abusive the next minute.

- He has unrealistic expectations of you and when he thinks you have "failed", he becomes very disillusioned about you for not meeting his expectations.

- He thinks that there is nothing wrong with the way he is treating you.

Bear in mind that men who are abusive by nature hardly ever change how they view things. You can try to slowly introduce him to the concept of him undergoing therapy, but get ready as well with the tirades that will be coming from him. If you see it's not going to change ever, then consider taking charge of your life and move on.

Amy Marie Chan also writes articles on baby boys shoes. See her most recent write-up about squeak shoes here.

How to Leave My Abusive Relationship

An abusive relationship can come in many forms. For example some people are mentally, physically and/or spiritually abused. Abuse occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. Many victims don't even realize that they are in such a relationship. You know what I tell my clients--Open your eyes honey and take off the blinders. Anytime your mate makes you feel mighty low about yourself and constantly putting you down then you do not need them. The result of this is that your self-esteem is being chipped away slowly. The fact that you don't know that this is even happening, will cause you to lose sight of one-self. Not only do you lose sight of one-self but now you are finding and working harder just to please your mate anyway possible no matter what the cost maybe. What is the cost? The cost is your well-being. Why do we do this my brotha's and sista's?

Step 1 - Therefore the first thing that you must do is realize that you are in an abusive relationship. A true relationship is mutually supportive and encouraging and the fact that you can spend time talking with your mate without fear of being judged, shouted or worst physically violated. You don't attack one another personalities but can you give negative feedback with a view that your partner is basically good and that any negatives are a small part of who they are - not everything!

Step 2 -The second thing that you must do is realize that your safety comes first. Violence is never okay and if you have started excusing any violence towards you then your self esteem has really taken a toll. At this point you must get out because your life and well-being is at danger and there is no excuse in the world for violence, constant nit picking or verbal bullying. When leaving the abuser it is very important that you have a plan. When I say a plan--I mean an escape plan. Put together a plan so that you know exactly where you are going and how you are going to finance yourself.

Step 3 -The third thing that you must do is have the courage to split. Your mate may have brainwashed you making you think that you can't do anything without them and that nobody wants you--Well let me tell you something--I always tell my clients that there is somebody good for everybody. But you as the victim must realize that. You have been created and put on earth for a purpose. And it sure like heck is not to be someones personal punching bag. The thing you must know about your life is that you have choices. You have options. You have rights. It is up to you to take the action required to remove yourself, and your children if applicable, from any abusive situation. That is the only way possible to help the abuser. As long as you are there the atmosphere is unhealthy, the abuse escalates, the abuser becomes more aware of having a problem, the abuser denies responsibility for 'the problem', the abuser redirects the problem onto you. The abuser has no need to change.

Speak Sista Speak gives guidance and help people to develop positive, fulfilling relationships that fuel individuals and couples alike as well as touch on topics that deal with unhealthy relationships, relationship issues/problems. With over Ten years of experience in relationship counseling and advising, Speak Sista Speak has worked with hundreds of people on countless relationship issues.

We offer online consultations. To find out more go to [http://SpeakSistaSpeak.com/]

How Do I Get Out of an Abusive Relationship? I Want to Know Right Now!

I understand completely how you feel. As a matter of fact, I was in involved in an abusive relationship for a number of years, so I understand what you are going through.

Now I have a secret for you... and it is this:

I got through my unhappy marriage and so can you! This is great news, for you and me because we want to know how to get out of an abusive relationship.

Now take a minute and think about this, when you were first dating your partner where they kind and considerate? Typically, when we date a person that may ultimately be unkind, they are on their best behavior, they will be kind and sweet up front, it's natural to be attracted to a person who appears to be very kind and considerate.

Ok, so let's use my powerful secret to get you out of an abusive relationship.

What is the secret you ask? Well, I will tell you, it is this.....

There are many reasons that people stay in an abusive relationship. However, it is my belief that, the main reason is because of poor self image on our part, and the fact that we buy into our partners lies. That abusive partner will state that "it is your fault that we have such a crummy unhealthy relationship, not mine." When you buy into this lie it is very difficult to get out, this is one way your partner keeps you in the bad relationship. To get out, you have to accept the truth that it is your partner who poisons the relationship with their jealously and lies, not you or me.

Warning: Do not neglect the message above! Be sure to take the advice seriously if you want to get out of an abusive relationship.

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Friend's Abusive Relationship - How You Can Help Your Friend in an Abusive Relationship

When you are the friend of someone in an abusive relationship, stop and hold reverence for the blessing that you are. Why? You are the best person to help; that is, until you can get her/him to professional help.

We find when friends of domestic abuse survivors reach out on their friend's behalf, they are in the best position to create a positive outcome for the person being abused.

First of all, friends that still have access to domestic abuse survivors have the best leveraging ability...certainly more leveraging than parents of the abused.

By leveraging, I mean they can touch the life and soul of their battered friend using their friendship as the vehicle for their concern. Friends tend to come to the table with less baggage and far fewer hidden agendas than do the parents of the abused. At least, this is how the abused party perceives it.

So as a friend, how can you help your friend?

1) Maintain ongoing, and as usual, contact with your friend.

2) Give her/him access to you, especially emergency access should that be needed.

3) Suspend any and all judgment of your friend for being in the abusive relationship.

4) You serve as the trust factor and get a credible source to serve as the information resource and change agent.

5) Open eyes with information, but be mindful of the possible consequence of your being estranged from your friend by doing so.

6) Keep your feelings of frustration out of the picture, and lead from your love and concern.

7) Always know that change is an inside job and no one can, or should, take the role of change agent for another, unless that is one's profession and they have been recognized for such by the person longing for change.

Appreciate that you and your friend are blessed with your eyes being open. No matter what, don't give up on your friend. That's what friends are for...to be there when needed most! And always know you can influence the path of the silent insidious syndrome of domestic violence before it spirals out of control.

For more information about helping a friend in an abusive relationship, I invite you to check out Stop Domestic Abuse - Helping Others Break the Cycle, where you can also claim your free Survivor Success Tips and eInsights. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse at home and in court.

?2008 Jeanne King, Ph.D. http://www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com

Signs of an abusive relationship: every woman needs

What are the signs of an abusive relationship? Have a great relationship suddenly seemed to sour? How to tell if your risk for abuse? If you prevent you becoming one of the millions of women who are verbal, emotional, and physical abuse each day, there are some signs that you should look for.

Excessive control

It is common for men to women in relationships. Fortunately, modern people learned that women have the same rights as men, and that no person has the right to determine what another person says or does. One of the first signs of an abusive relationship is tight in the hand.

If you feel you are now blocked by the see family and friends, and if her husband or friend Act jealous and possessive about your personal relationships are isolated and checked. This is a very damaging form of emotional abuse, and often gets worse over time.
If you account for every penny you spend, and his wife asks you to do so or refuses, you can shop for things that you need, you are potentially financially controlled. A budget is agreed on one thing-but control is one of the entries in the realization of an abusive relationship.

Anger and guilt

Additional indications of an abusive relationship is absurd anger and constant error. If your spouse or friend tend to irrationally angry with you, especially about the things that are completely outside of your control, are you in danger. If you are to blame for things that don't go as planned, you need to understand that your situation worse could be very quickly and easily.

An explosive temper, is not normal. People who love each other kind and forgiving. All other treats as good friends and have respect for the limits. If anger and blame your relationship poisoning, got you've to do something about it.

Threats

Threats of physical violence is showing some signs of an abusive relationship. People form relationships and more. If the spouse or a friend threatens to hurt you, your children or pets, or if he threatens to destroy your belongings, it's time to take action to stop him.

Physical violence

Every form of violence or physical manifestation of anger are signs of an abusive relationship. If your spouse or friend things bumping things abuse of animals or abusing you breaks, then find a way out.

How to stop an abusive relationship

Living in an abusive relationship is difficult and painful. All the signs of an abusive relationship filled with negativity and hate. Although often feel terrible for things that the abuse of, and although often driven by a lifetime of abuse patterns, are not entitled to exploit other people or animals.

Immediately getting Help-make sure that you and other members of the family, pets, including a angry abuser is safe. Looking for students for marriage-is a good place to start is with online marriage counseling, especially since it is often quicker and easier to talk to someone right away. If your relationship is worth saving can be difficult, but a therapist is trained to help you cut through the muddy waters of emotional upset and make a rational decision that will help you make the most of your future and win happiness in your life to help you decide.

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This article has been contributed by Tina Jones of the unforgettable Team publishing woman. This works in conjunction with founder Alexandra Fox and writes articles dating/relationship to women. You can find more information about unforgettable woman visiting the publish Web site.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Tina_L._Jones

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What Makes a Bad Relationship?

Everything might have started of well, but as time moved on you started to get more and more uneasy about the relationship. It does not necessarily mean that if you are going through a bad patch that you are in an unhealthy relationship, it is quite normal having to deal with problems in a relationship. The important thing to remember is that it is how you deal with your problems that determines how your relationship progresses. So what makes a bad relationship?

There are two types of bad relationships that signal time to call it a day. They are physically abusive and emotionally abusive relationships. If you are a victim of a physically abusive relationships, then leave, do not waste any more of your life and do not risk your personal safety and further. Emotionally abusive relationships are probably more dangerous than the physically abusive because they play with the mind. Emotional abuse can go undetected because the only real signs are in the victims demeanour. Emotional abuse can leave deeper scars in its victims that take far longer to heal.

First and foremost, what makes a bad relationship is bad or a lack of communication. To make a relationship work it is essential to have effective communication between each other. When you stop talking you cut yourself of from each others lives. You start to distance yourself from your partner, you have no idea what they want and need from the marriage because you no longer know who they are, this will only aggravate the situation. When problems creep in you will be unable to deal with them because how can you find out why the problem is happening?

You have to be totally open and honest with each other, no matter how much it hurts, it not only brings you closer together, it builds trust. If your partner lies on a regular basis then how can you trust them, if you are unable to trust them then suspicion and jealousy will built, it will poison your relationship and it will poison your mind. If you cannot trust your partner then who can you trust. If you cannot trust your partner then how can you be happy in your relationship.

You need to be treated with respect and you need to treat your partner with respect. You are both equal halves of the relationship with equal responsibility for making it work. You have to respect your partners needs and wants just as they have to respect yours. Does your partner criticize you and humiliate you in private and in public? Does everything always have to be done their way? Are they incapable of taking responsibility for their mistakes? Is nothing that you do ever good enough? In an unhealthy relationship one partner will always seek to dominate the other, so you need to be able to recognize these signs and decide whether or not the relationship can be saved.

If you are totally caught up in the relationship then I suspect that it is difficult to comprehend your situation so if you notice things going wrong then talk to your partner, you should be able to judge by what they say and their body language if you are going to have a problem with them. Some things can be dealt with such as communicate more and spend quality time together, if you can rebuild and strengthen your bond then you might have a relationship worth saving.

We all want to be loved and have someone that we can feel close, this makes it easy for those trapped in unhealthy relationships to accept their endless protestations of love and how they will not do it again. If you have a partner who repeatedly breaks faith with you then they will not change. If you feel trapped in your relationship, if partner cannot respect you, if everything has to be done their way, if they cannot be honest with you and give you the loving, fulfilling relationship that you deserve then you are in a bad relationship. Do not waste your life in a relationship that brings you only misery, go find someone that you can be happy with and good luck to you.

Being a student of life I thought it about time to get my ideas down in the hope that they will help people with whatever difficulties they are facing. If you want to read further into the mysteries of understanding the opposite sex and relationships then my site might be of interest to you. Whatever your situation I wish you luck. http://www.reviewthemagicofmakingup.com

Why Do Some Couples Stay in an Abusive Relationship?

Abusive relationships ruin many people's lives. Perhaps it's understandable, in a perverse way, that the abuser is content to stay in the relationship where they feel they can exercise absolute power over their partner, but why does the abused party so often choose to stay in the relationship?

Although one often equates the abuser as a male, there are many cases where the abuser is in fact, the female partner - so this is not something that can be defined by gender.

I often hear people say that someone stays in an abusive relationship because "they like it", or because "it's not really that bad". During the course of my work, I have found that this is far from the case, and serves to foster an attitude that actually makes it more difficult for the abused partner to leave.

Perhaps the main reason for staying is simply financial. When the abuser is the main breadwinner in the partnership, it can be extremely hard for the abused to simply walk out, and in extreme cases the fear of being found is too terrifying to contemplate.

This is often because the typical abuser does not fit our "monster" stereotype. People tend to have both a private and public face. Many times those closest to the abused, and therefore the very people from whom the abused needs support, simply do not realize that their partner is an abuser because their "public" face is so different from how they act behind closed doors.

No matter how scared someone may be, the police are often powerless to do anything until something has actually happened, when there is then clear evidence. Even then, the abused is often scared of taking matters to the courts for fear of the consequences.

One of the biggest problems these days is that we all tend to lead more private lives than we did say thirty years ago. In those days many people confided in the family doctor for example. However, in these modern times, the concept of confiding in an outside professional is foreign to many people.

We live in times where it is becoming more important to rediscover the somewhat lost art of being a friend. Perhaps if we took a closer interest and listened more to those around us who matter, we could give help and shelter to those who need it most.

In an age where we often seem to expect others to get involved, maybe we need to accept that we need to become more involved in society too.

James Rutherford has been writing social commentary for 3 years and also writes about how to claim bankruptcy. Have a look at http://www.howtoclaimbankruptcy.net.

7 Steps to Creating an Abusive Relationship

Nobody ever deserves to get hooked into an abusive relationship, but that is exactly what does happen to a lot of us. In fact, the statistics suggest that 1 in 4 women will undergo domestic violence - and that probably doesn't include those of us who "only" suffer mental and emotional abuse.

So why does it happen?

Why does it happen, even in these relatively 'enlightened times'? And why does it happen to the rich and famous no less than to anyone else.

Secret #1 It doesn't just happen; it comes about for a reason. Abused women settle for an abusive relationship because we were taught to settle for less. Mostly, we were taught by parents, or other carers, to settle for:

Less love
Less respect
Less care
Less consideration
Less support
Less encouragement

than we wanted or needed. Nobody's suggesting that we liked it, or that we wanted it, but - usually at a young age - we were programmed to expect that that was all we would get, and so we internalized that. It was never your fault, you were programmed to have an Achilles heel that you didn't even know you had.

Secret #2 We become awfully good at denial. Well, you would, wouldn't you? When you learn that you are not that important, and you don't matter that much, it becomes second nature to blame yourself for whatever happens, does it not? Especially when everyone else is in the habit of blaming you. You accept that everything that happens is your fault.

(Do you remember The 3 Wise Monkeys, See No Evil, Hear No Evil, and Speak No Evil? According to Wikipedia there could be a fourth one also: Do No Evil. And, according to Annie, there should be a fifth one: Live No Evil. What I mean by that is never, ever, resign yourself to live with the evil, negative projections that a loved one foists on you. When someone tells you that you are most kinds of awful and you swallow it, you are living their evil. Don't do it. They're wrong.)

Secret #3 Always, always let him off the hook. Collude with him in accepting that he is never accountable for his actions. You made him do it - whatever it happens to be at the time.

Secret #4 If you keep on throwing love at him, he's bound to improve one day. Isn't he? Your love is the alchemy that will one day turn his dross into gold. Or, if you prefer, just keep waving your magic wand as hard as you can and, some day, the magic is bound to work (if your arm doesn't drop off from exhaustion first). The best case scenario is that one day, you will finally have some power and influence that lasts longer than 5 minutes, in the relationship...

So sorry to dispel another hope, but it really doesn't work like that. You know how the more you do for other people, the less they bother to do for themselves? Well that is the way it works. Why, on earth, would he bother to work at the relationship, when he can leave that stuff to you?

Secret #5 Make sure you have a really, really skewed idea of the World. He is wonderful, and you are awful. Now, this one is a little counter-intuitive, but you'll probably understand it anyway. Most of the time he acts like a complete jerk. Yet that doesn't stop you believing that he is wonderful, and lovable, and his behaviour is all your fault, anyway. You, on the other hand, do everything you possibly can to be loving, caring, understanding, and supportive, and keep the peace, yet, all the time, you are vile, and horrible, and nobody else would ever want you. (Doubtless because you are too loving, caring, understanding and supportive...)

WHOA! Reality check, please! If it looks like a jerk, talks like a jerk, and acts like a jerk, there is a good, O-B-V-I-O-U-S reason for that: it's a jerk. Every single jerk, since the beginning of time, has come with a guarantee, written in large print, across his forehead, which, curiously enough, nobody ever bothers to read, or heed, at the start. It reads: "This jerk is guaranteed to make you as unhappy as you have ever been in your entire life. He will never change or improve to make you happy." Enough said.

Secret #6 Always, always focus on him. It's all about him, isn't it? You are so convinced that he needs to change, that he is perfectible, and a fine human being whose light is largely hidden by a dung heap, that you completely and utterly disregard yourself. You'll be happy, when he... You'll be able to grow and thrive emotionally, when he... You'll defer having any good feelings, until you can bestow them on him first.

Think about it for a moment: abusive men don't do selflessness, and they certainly don't defer gratification. They want their emotional pay-offs and they want them now, toddler style. If having warm, fuzzy, loving feelings mattered to them, if being happy mattered to them, they would have focused their energies in that direction, instead of the eternal rant of dissatisfaction.

Secret #7 Let him take control of the relationship from the first minute. You may not like the way he does things - in fact, you probably won't - but let him know that you are prepared to accept whatever he dishes out, regardless. Ignore everything you see that you don't like. If you prefer, you could ask him to change and take your wishes into account. But then, when he fails to do so, back down. He'll be fine with that, although he might have a temper tantrum. You probably won't be as comfortable with that, but that is not important, is it? (See Secret #6 above.)

Now you know the 7 Secrets to creating an abusive relationship. Hopefully, bringing them to your attention in a slightly brutal way will help protect you for the future.

The next step is all about learning how to do things dramatically differently, so that, when you are ready, you can create the great relationship you desire.

Are you stuck in an emotionally abusive relationship? Leading expert on Accelerated Healing From Emotional Abuse, Annie Kaszina, has created some of the top books and materials in the market. Her compassionate, supportive has helped many hundreds of women to break away free of their abusive relationship, and open doors in their lives that they feared had been closed for ever. Do you want to let go, move on, and build a life to love? Find out how you can by starting with Annie's FREE REPORT on how to break out of your abused mind-set and heal the trauma, once and for all.

You can get Annie's Free Report "The Seven Things You Need To Know" and sign up to Annie's free bi-monthly ezine by visiting http://www.EmotionalAbuseRecoveryNow.com. You can email Annie at: annie@EmotionalAbuseRecoveryNow.com.

Abusive Relationships - Making You the Problem in Your Abusive Relationship During Your Divorce

Battered women and abused men are accustomed to being the scapegoat for the problems in their abusive relationships. They are routinely told:

o "It's your fault, you made me do it, say it, etc.,"

o "If you weren't so ________, it wouldn't have happened."

o And oh yes, remember this one: "None of this ever happened anyway...It's all in your head, crazy-psycho."

Let's face it, "being the problem" goes hand-in-hand with being in an abusive relationship. It's what the perpetrator wants you to believe and it's also what you have bought into believing. It's part of the ugly glue that binds the abusive relationship.

Anyone who has been in an abusive relationship knows this well. So then why do you suppose that when someone goes to the system to seek remedy for domestic violence, they would get anything other than what they've been bombarded with all along?

You as the Problem from Home to Court

From the moment the police come to your door to the pits of the divorce court lion's den, your abusive partner will seek to make you the problem. That's what batterers do.

The only difference is that instead of telling you that you are the problem, he/she is telling this to all those who make decisions that influence your life, including but not limited to, the judicial and healthcare folks.

So please come out of your shock over the fact that he/she is trying to make you the bad guy, or the crazy one, or the liar. It's part of what's been there all along.

Shining the Light on the Real Problem

Then you ask yourself, "Why don't those in the system get it straight and realize that you are the victim and your spouse is merely externalizing blame for the marital skeletons?"

Unfortunately, the job of the people in the system is not to "get it;" rather it's to get it done. And far too often they are given false abuse allegations and may not have the training to decipher the authentic from the unreal-especially when it comes to intimate partner violence and child abuse.

If you are in divorce court with a batterer and you know you are not being heard, seek to find someone who can professionally represent your truth to those making important decisions. This will undoubtedly help you shine the light on the real problem and aid in offsetting your being made the problem.

For more information on abuse and divorce, see Legal Domestic Abuse http://www.preventabusiverelationships.com/legal_domestic_abuse.php and Crazy Making Legal-Psychiatric Abuse. http://www.preventabusiverelationships.com/crazy_making.php Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people end domestic abuse at home and in family court. Copyright 2009 Jeanne King, Ph.D.

How to Get Out of an Abusive Relationship

"Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune" -William James

There are many ways to leave an abusive relationship. Telling yourself the truth and being honest with yourself about your relationship is the first step to begin the process.

Get very clear on the fact that if you are being abused, whether verbally, mentally, emotionally, sexually or physically and you choose to remain in this kind of relationship be prepared for a lifetime of misery.

Taking the first step forward will be the single best thing you ever do for yourself. It will free you to live the life you truly deserve and release you from the prison you find yourself in. No one deserves to be treated badly in the name of love.

Oprah always says, "Love doesn't hurt." Sure people have their ups and downs but that isn't what we are discussing here. You know deep down inside if you are being abused.

So how do you get out? The severity of your abuse will determine your plan of action. If you see the signs early on and choose to ignore them, they will only get worse. The sooner you leave, the better off you will be.

If you are in an extremely violent or escalating situation you have to plan safely and secretly. There are many hot lines and help lines you can contact. Just Google Domestic Abuse Hotline. These organizations will be able to help you plan your escape with a step by step strategy in helping you make the transition.

Find someone you can trust to help you prepare when he isn't around. This person can secure your get-a-way gear in a safe place, i.e. cell phone, money, clothing, documentation of abuse, birth certificates and any other items necessary for your survival.

If you are in the kind of relationship that hasn't gotten to this point yet, consider yourself lucky but don't be lulled into a sense of "My relationship isn't that bad" syndrome. Or, "He doesn't abuse me all the time."

If you are experiencing the warning signs of abuse early on, no amount of trying to fix him or hoping things will get better will make it so.

You are in for a rude awakening if you refuse to admit the truth to yourself. Making excuses and rationalizing abusive behaviors will only bury you deeper into what can become a living nightmare.

Are you in an unhealthy relationship? Susan Russo is an author and coach whose pointed and direct approach has helped many people move beyond the heartache of a divorce and breakup and see there really is life after what's his or her name. Would you like to learn how to move on sooner rather than later? Read Susan's book and you will have your answers.

Is Dating Abuse and Relationship Violence the Media Candy?

Have you heard the latest dating abuse story?

It does not matter the time, the month or the year, one popped into your head. Even worse is you probably thought of more than one. Recent cases of domestic abuse and dating abuse cases years old, cases that made you outraged and cases that made you cry. Relationship abuse is prevalent. While this is the case it is disturbing how much media is devoted to it.

Doesn't the media help?

The media attaches itself to domestic violence in most all its forms, mental abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse and sexual abuse. Abuse and relationship violence cases draw in viewers and readers and the media outlet is thrilled with additional flow. Thus the case becomes important not so much to condemn the person causing the violence or to wish the victim well. The media is attached because of more business. The public is not really much better.

Why would people not want to help?

People search the media looking for the reason why the person was abused. "She made him angry." "He deserved being hit because..." "She should have just left." "Why didn't he take the children and leave?" There are multiple facets to every story. The media presents the relationship violence story in a singular fashion. Depending on the media outlet they may present the story only in a way to stir up commotion and comments and publicity.

What happens to victims?

Sometimes the domestic violence victims become further demoralized and victimized. People argue over the why did you or why didn't you, attacking the victim further. Often the victim was typically using the information available at the time to make the best decision they could. Looking back the decision may be different. Yet at the time there may have been worries about someone else getting hurt, the inability to get away, even that the abuse was some how deserved.

How can someone believe abuse is deserved?

Relationship abuse does not start off big. The problem with abuse is that it starts small, as the attacker starts breaking down a victim's morals, defenses, and self esteem. When the victim starts to get upset a gift will appear or enough apologies to keep the relationship going. It is followed by the promise it will not happen again. Yet it will. The next incident of dating abuse or relationship violence is a bit bigger than the one before.

What happens next?

If it involves a celebrity it becomes front page news. People point fingers, lawyers get involved, and the media gets more viewers. With a non-celebrity it becomes news when things get really out of hand. In either case there are songs written, music played that make the story seem almost pretty. While people who hear the songs think dating violence is okay and the cycle starts again. Where does it end?

Are you wondering how to get started online? Or need a little how to help?

You can find friendly, easy step by step guides here.

MJ Schrader has a goal of "making your inner rockstar shine in your online business and life" which is reflected in her amiable and instructional forms.

Make your inner rockstar shine and visit http://RockstarGuideBooks.com today

Healing in Abusive Relationships - 7 Secrets to Successful Survival in an Abusive Relationship

Far too often, we hear individuals in abusive relationships seeking to change their partners in order to change their relationship. While it is true that a change in either person will change the overall dynamic of the relationship, changing one's partner is only an option if it is partner self-initiated.

Rather than holding onto something that is essentially out of one's control-actually not one's business-look to changing what is within your control and is indeed your business: yourself.

In working with thousands of patients over the years, the one thing I consistently see is that when people grow to honor and respect their physical, emotional, mental and spiritual space they have no tolerance for others not doing the same.

Now as I write this, I'm keenly aware of the hair standing up on end for those that are currently struggling in an abusive relationship. Know that I, too, lived there once and I know that when being battered and remaining entangled, on some level we are failing to hold reverence for that which our abusive partner has scorned.

Thus, I invite you to look within for the revolution. It is from here that lasting change occurs. It is truly from within.

In closing, I leave you with seven secrets to successful survival in an abusive relationship, during and after should the relationship remain abusive.

1) Write--journal daily both your inner world and your outer world.

2) Whole foods--nourish your body with that which is truly nourishing.

3) Water--let pure water be your primary beverage and saturate every cell with it.

4) Work-out--find a body strengthening and toning routine and make it a regimen.

5) The Work--when you feel mental and/or emotional distress, open your thoughts to an inquiry until they let go of you and your authentic truth will emerge.

6) Welcome--expect the universe and the individuals in your world to support, honor and respect you.

7) Wholeness--meditate and know the inner well of well-being. How? By cultivating the effortless innocent discipline of letting it in.

If I could tell you which one of these items is most important, I would. However, I'm convinced that each one is an integral part of the healing process. If you are inclined to adopt one of these seven secrets to survival in an abusive relationship as a start, meditation is the place to begin. With this, all of the others naturally follow.

For more survivor success tips and healing insights, visit www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people recognize, end and heal from domestic violence

? 2008 Jeanne King, Ph.D. PreventAbusiveRelationships.com EndDomesticAbuse.org

How To Recognize Relationship Breakdowns

In this complex world that we live in, one of the most complex things we have to deal with is ourselves and our relationships with others. In an ideal world, this should be simple, but we do not live in an ideal world, and the issue of relationships is anything but simple.

When we are born, we have a relationship with our parents. They teach us, they scold us, and they love us. But that point in our lives is the very last point in time when relationships will ever be even close to be simple.

In our teen years, the aspect of the importance of relationships goes right off the scale, surpassing almost everything else. Relationships are critical to us at that point. We are super conscious of what we wear, who we go out with, what our peers think of us, and if television and billboard advertising is to be believed, it is also of critical importance to our relationships and our future lot in life as to what brand of soda we drink and the brand of sneakers we wear.

Then we settle down, get married and start a family. The interesting thing is now that relationships get even more complex and diverse. Let's look at some of the types of relationships that we need to be conscious of.

In business, customer relationships are very important, especially in the area of sales. Growing and strengthening the relationship you have with existing customers is every bit as important as finding new customers and forging new relationships. There are many things you can do to make your life easier here, but don't let it all be electronic in this computer age, as there is still much to be said for the personal touch.

With friends and co-workers, we need to maintain a relationship that is part friendship and part business. This can be a fine line to walk for some people, but it can be done. A group or team that has respect for each other and trust in the opinions of others can be a major asset to any business organization.

Lastly is the interpersonal relationship with our spouse. The key to an effective relationship here is open, honest, and frequent communication. Remember, this was designed to be a long term commitment for both of you, and is takes both time and energy to consistently ensure that you are both on the same page, with common goals and desires. That cannot happen without a solid relationship, and a solid relationship cannot occur without good communications.

All too frequently, this interpersonal relationship with your spouse goes in directions that you never anticipated. Your spouse may have some major control issues, where they want to control every aspect and issue of your life, which will take away your uniqueness, the traits that comprise YOU. There are ways to recognize this and also ways to get this straightened out.

Other times, the relationship turns into being an abusive relationship. The definition of abuse does not need to necessarily mean physical abuse. This also encompasses mental abuse, verbal abuse and emotional abuse. Learn to recognize the different types of abuse and how to work with the different types.

What causes a relationship to break down? There can be many factors involved with this, and frequently this is a combination of many different things. Learn to watch for the signs of the relationship starting to break down and take the necessary steps to get the relationship back on the right track.

The topic of relationships is a complex one, but the best way to be able to create good solid relationships is communication. We are all unique with different needs, requirements, and abilities, but we need to be aware of the impact that relationships have on our everyday lives, and put forth the effort to keep those relationships solid.

Jon is a computer engineer who maintains many websites to pass along his knowledge and findings. You can read more about various types of relationships and how to recognize the different types at his web site at http://www.relationship-types.com/.

Abusive Relationship - 3 Deadly Mistakes of Using Compliance and Submission As Survival Tools

As a domestic violence survivor, you know that you use compliance and submission to keep a lid on your partner. And the net result is you keep violence at bay...or so it appears.

While this is a very effective strategy to stay safe in one's home, it has its price. What are your compliance and your submission costing you?

Compliance and submission exercised to keep a lid on one's violent partner yields the following:

1) Keeps you in the dark with respect to who and what you are. If you routinely dismiss factoring in your desires, you ultimately lose sight of what they are. You become accustomed to making decisions without checking in with yourself.

In your abusive relationship, you can expect this to help keep peace. Without anything rocking the boat-like your individual opinions, you anticipate smooth sailing.

But the day will come when you realize that you, yourself, do not know who and what you are. And even more disturbing, you've lost the tools to access your inner knowing, your personal preferences, your individual needs, desires and dreams.

2) Keeps your partner in the dark with respect to who and what you are. If your preferences are consistently shoved to the side, your partner cannot cultivate an authentic appreciation of who you are.

In an abusive relationship, this works fine because abusers only seek to know you as an extension of them. Thus, if you are catering to his/her needs and supporting life from his/her vision and dreams, all is well.

But the day will come when both you and your partner realize that he/she has no clue as to who and what you are. And as a habit, he/she will fail to factor you in as a participating partner in the relationship, which then...

3) Tells you and your partner that your relationship consists of one person. If your desires and preferences are withheld or dismissed, you implicitly agree not to exist in the relationship.

In an abusive relationship, this, too, works fine. In fact, this is a requirement for the abusive relationship to maintain itself. There can only be one "real" person in the relationship in order for it to prevail. The other person is there to support the existence and expression of the dominant, controlling party in the relationship.

Ultimately, over time, it occurs to you that you have no relationship. Because your "relationship us" is really about one person-your abusive partner.

If you are using compliance and submission to keep peace in your home, be mindful of the long-term disturbance that you are inevitably creating for yourself. Seek to break the cycle of domestic abuse, before you lose yourself in your relationship.

For information about abusive relationships, visit http://www.preventabusiverelationships.com/ebooks.php and claim Free Instant Access to Survivor eInsights. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse. Copyright 2010 Jeanne King, Ph.D.

Are You in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship?

Emotional abuse is more difficult to diagnose than physical abuse because the symptoms can slowly work their way into a relationship. This starts with unhealthy behavior patterns and escalates to something more troubling. For example, an emotionally abusive partner tries to manipulate you to get what they want. They often don't mean to hurt you, but their controlling nature makes them behave in ways that are emotionally harmful to you.

What signs should you look for to determine if your relationship is an emotionally abusive one? Here are a few:

You are afraid to express yourself freely with your partner, and feel like you have to watch what you say.
Your partner's jealousy often keeps you from doing things you want with the opposite sex, even friends and colleagues.


Your partner frequently criticizes you, humiliates you in front of others, and you feel like your self-esteem has taken a blow since you met him or her.


Your partner prevents you from spending time with your friends, family, and anyone else outside of the relationship.


Your partner monitors your internet usage or reads your email correspondence.


Your partner has hinted at the possibility of hurting you or your loved ones if you ever betrayed him or her, or if you ever broke off the relationship.


Your partner has hinted at the possibility of hurting himself or herself, or even commiting suicide if you ever broke off the relationship.

This is by no means a comprehensive list of what to look for in an emotionally abusive relationship, but it gives you an idea of some of the major warning signs. The last sign - a partner who threatens suicide - is an especially dangerous manipulative tactic. If your partner threatens suicide if you don't do what they want, they are essentially taking you as their hostage in the relationship. If this is the case in your relationship, you need to get a third party involved as soon as possible.

If you think you're in an emotionally abusive relationship, you need to get help or get out as soon as possible. Even if the situation never escalates to physical abuse, you should be aware that emotional abuse is just as harmful and can lead to stress, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and other problems that will disrupt your life.

For more information on how to get out of an emotionally abusive relationship, check out the links below:

For women: How to leave an Emotionally Abusive Relationship
For men: How to Leave an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Abusive Relationship Help - Personal Wholeness and Abusive Relationships

When you pull it back and stand whole in yourself, you may look at that man/woman and authentically say, "I love you." This may be hard to hear if you think domestic abuse is the only issue.

Many people look to their partners to fill the piece missing within themselves. And they rationalize their choice of this particular partner with something like, "He/she complements me." But, seeing your wholeness as dependent on the presence of this other person poses potential problems for both of you.

The obvious is that your seeing, feeling and being whole is completely dependent on that person. And they are elevated in your eyes to provide you with a lasting job that they can never really fulfill... making you what you are not-whole.

Sounds like circular talk? It's not really circular; it is self-evident, especially when you are walking in these shoes. Both parties in abusive relationships can be guilty of this thinking and from here, they place unrealistic expectations on one another.

Complementing Batterer and Abused

The batterer can look to his partner as his emotional security blanket, or as the caretaker of his unidentified and unexpressed feelings. And the abused can look to the batterer as the bully that protects her from dangers outside of the home and, in some cases, from life's responsibilities in general.

The projected message to the other person is that they serve to do for you what you aren't naturally providing for yourself. The trouble in this thinking comes when you stumble upon your integration of what the complementing partner offers you.

Your difficulty in assimilating and integrating what you get from your partner-that you yourself don't internally own-is that when you put it on, it doesn't fit. It can't truly fit-no matter how fitting it is-because you don't "really" own it in yourself.

In domestic abuse interventions, we work with this dynamic within the relationship and the challenge becomes how to help each person individually to find their wholeness within themselves. Once done, in most cases, the control and the power issues can more easily be remedied. (This, of course, is dependent on the underlying psychopathology in play.)

If you are in an abusive relationship, and you long to discover if the abuse dynamics can shift and be remedied, then seek to find effective domestic violence relationship therapy addressing multiple aspects of self and relationship abuse.

For more information about abusive relationship help, visit: www.domesticabusetreatment.com and claim your Free Instant Access to Survivor Success eInsights. Psychologist Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people nationwide recognize, end and heal from relationship abuse. Copyright 2010 Jeanne King, Ph.D. - Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention

Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Are you in an emotionally abusive relationship? What are some signs of emotional abuse? Look for these suspicious behaviors which may be symptoms of a dysfunctional relationship, perhaps destined to become abusive.

Your partner ridicules you when you express yourself.
Your partner isolates you from friends and family.
Your partner limits your access to work, hobbies or money.
Your partner criticizes you, humiliates you and undermines your self worth.
Your partner has destroyed or threatened your property.
Your partner seems hot and cold in personality; very close then very distant.
Your partner steals from you or runs up a lot of debt.
Your partner makes you feel trapped in the relationships and afraid.
You feel as if you can't discuss anything with your partner.

There are also codependency symptoms to look for including:

Partner tends to be over-giving.
Partner must be in control at all times.
Partner finds needy people to care for.
Partner has an overactive sense of responsibility.
Partner feels victimized by the selfishness of others.
Partner tries to be all things to all people and has a problem setting boundaries.
Partner feels restless or bored when not involved in a crisis.
Partner looks for drama and chaos in life and then complains about it.
Partner gets angry when someone refuses help or ignores advice.
Partner is easy offended.
Partner tends to become self-righteous and a perfectionist.

It may be fairly obvious now that you are involved in either a codependent relationship, which may be fairly tolerable, or an abusive relationship, which is nearly impossible to live with. Your first reaction may be one of fear and anguish.

"But I love her!"

"But I can't live without him!"

These are common responses from partners accustomed to living with an abusive mate. These are not healthy responses, however. You have to treat abusive behavior like a mental illness, because it frequently is motivated by a partner's personality disorder. Just because you love somebody doesn't mean they are entitled to hurt you physically or jerk you around emotionally. You must work on your own self-esteem and improve your self-image before you can break this vicious cycle of behavior. Why? Because people with low self-esteem tend to tolerate abuse. They may subconsciously feel that they do not deserve a stable relationship. So they seek out doomed relationships in order to confirm their suspicions: that they're just going to screw up again.

P.S Just broke up? You can get your ex back! Visit this site for tips on how to save a relationship . Find out exactly what to do and what to say to get your ex lover back!

How to Get Him Back After a Break Up.