Why Do Some Couples Stay in an Abusive Relationship?

Abusive relationships ruin many people's lives. Perhaps it's understandable, in a perverse way, that the abuser is content to stay in the relationship where they feel they can exercise absolute power over their partner, but why does the abused party so often choose to stay in the relationship?

Although one often equates the abuser as a male, there are many cases where the abuser is in fact, the female partner - so this is not something that can be defined by gender.

I often hear people say that someone stays in an abusive relationship because "they like it", or because "it's not really that bad". During the course of my work, I have found that this is far from the case, and serves to foster an attitude that actually makes it more difficult for the abused partner to leave.

Perhaps the main reason for staying is simply financial. When the abuser is the main breadwinner in the partnership, it can be extremely hard for the abused to simply walk out, and in extreme cases the fear of being found is too terrifying to contemplate.

This is often because the typical abuser does not fit our "monster" stereotype. People tend to have both a private and public face. Many times those closest to the abused, and therefore the very people from whom the abused needs support, simply do not realize that their partner is an abuser because their "public" face is so different from how they act behind closed doors.

No matter how scared someone may be, the police are often powerless to do anything until something has actually happened, when there is then clear evidence. Even then, the abused is often scared of taking matters to the courts for fear of the consequences.

One of the biggest problems these days is that we all tend to lead more private lives than we did say thirty years ago. In those days many people confided in the family doctor for example. However, in these modern times, the concept of confiding in an outside professional is foreign to many people.

We live in times where it is becoming more important to rediscover the somewhat lost art of being a friend. Perhaps if we took a closer interest and listened more to those around us who matter, we could give help and shelter to those who need it most.

In an age where we often seem to expect others to get involved, maybe we need to accept that we need to become more involved in society too.

James Rutherford has been writing social commentary for 3 years and also writes about how to claim bankruptcy. Have a look at http://www.howtoclaimbankruptcy.net.