Emotionally Abusive Relationships

My friend told me how her husband made promises to change, any change was temporary and he always found a new way to hurt her. As if reading my mind, she said "but he doesn't hit me." Her ex-husband was physically abusive, and so this became her justification.

He doesn't hit me.

While he did not hit her, he sabotaged her. Blaming the children for things he did, like eating all the leftovers was common. He wanted sex all the time, and made inappropriate comments in front of the children and her friends. However while at church he acted as if he was a saint, wanting everyone to see how holy he was. This roller coaster of emotion had her confused and hurt almost all the time.

Emotionally abusive relationships leave damage.

The reason her statement bothered me so much, was because I had said those same words years before. My then husband would call me beautiful in public yet ignore me when we were alone. While I had a college degree, and worked in the accounting field, he acted like I could not balance a check book. He slowly cut me away from friends and family, limiting me to work, home or out with him. But he didn't hit me.

The emotional damage can take years to recover.

In a few short years I lost friends, family and believed I was ugly and stupid. The few friends I had, were ones that liked him and were glad to use me. After the divorce they eagerly continued his emotional abuse. They called me stupid and treated me badly. Because this had been so much a part of my life, I expected it and did not question them. But they never hit me, even though they set me up with a guy who did, once.

Relationships with men, while improving with each one, were not healthy. It also effected jobs, choosing job after job where the bosses sabotaged and demeaned employees. One boss to keep me from quitting, reminded me regularly that my dog was at home alone.

Gender does not matter in emotional abuse.

While I being emotionally abused I worked for a couple. The wife regularly insulted her husband. She called him names and verbally attacked him. He went to an exercise class twice a week, yet she would question him about when he would get home and what he was going to do. She would tell him regularly that she did not want him.

Is recovery from emotionally abusive relationships possible?

Some people are able to bounce back in months. For others, it takes years to recover. In my case it took years, because the friends I had, were not really friends. However, when I changed friends, my self worth grew and my self esteem. The new friends helped me pick out better men. They defend me, encourage me and call me when I am sick. They care. My boyfriend cares and now I speak out against "He doesn't hit me." Any relationship where that is the justification is not a good relationship.

Positive support helps recovery.

If my support had been stronger, I would have recovered sooner. If you know someone emotionally abused, find ways to encourage. Try to change their habits and routines to help the person find strengths and wins. If you are emotionally abused, then you need to abandon friends who are not supportive or call you names. You need positive friends. You are worth it! You deserve the best!

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