5 Ways to Tell If the Man You Are Dating Will Abuse You Emotionally

There are hundreds if not thousands of ways to tell whether or not you are dating a man who will end up being abusive, emotionally. Here, I will be focusing on 5 of those ways. Mostly because they are the ones most familiar to me and those of other women I know.

I was notorious for attracting the same kind of relationship, one after another, where I would end up feeling like I had to sacrifice a part of me to receive love from my partner. I was either too opinionated, not Christian enough, too real, too me, not hip, unable or unwilling to comply solely to their way of being, or in their eyes, simply not good enough.

Before I would come to my senses, every relationship would mirror the ones before, until finally I started to see the bigger picture. In essence, the pieces to the puzzle were being put into place by each relationship where I chose a path to learning and growth.

Obviously a lot easier said than done but it remains a fact from my own personal experience that until a wound is healed, it is not pain free. The physical wounds of sexual and physical abuse may heal but the emotional and psychological ones remain because the body will have its way of remembering the pain as if it was still happening.

And because the universe works in a glorious way to manifest our deepest and most often unconscious desires, we unknowingly attract through our relationships, life partners, friends, companions, husbands, and wives, that which speaks the loudest.

For me, it was a longing to be truly loved and adored by my mother and father, an experience that must have passed me by as a youth because those feelings were then transferred onto others in my personal relationships and partners. And as a result, I attracted partners and people in my life who were unable to step up to the plate when it came to real intimacy, which is what I sought on a subconscious level due to my emotional immaturity (pain).

So how is it that I can now recognize an emotionally healthy man from one who isn't? Here are the five ways:


Be aware of my own emotions (the healthy and the not so healthy ones) Adhere to the warning signs ( you know them - stop signs, red lights, this is the universe's way of saying do not come this way, so heed those signs) Maintenance cleaning (becoming emotionally healthy is a lifestyle, not an event) Emotionally investigate ( it's important not only to know where you are coming from but also where he has been, his wounds, and if he's been cleaning them out in a healthy way) Doing nothing

By doing nothing you are doing something to feed the wound that won't heal. We all have ways in which we can contribute to the evolution of our own emotional, mental, and spiritual self. No human being is perfect and no one man will be able to be your, everything. However, that is not to say that you should expect to be treated in an abusive fashion be it psychological, emotional, physical, or spiritual.

For me this life has been a stage for learning, living, and loving. And I'm finally happy to say that I can now see in myself what it is I long to find in another.

Just because you've been attracting abusive men doesn't mean they are all that way. Start your New Year off differently, learn what other women know about getting a man who is stable and compassionate.

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Felecia Townsend is a relationship enthusiast and personal coach. She has spent years learning the art of successful relationships and through her philanthropic writing is giving back to the community that has given her so much.

Emotionally Abusive Relationships

My friend told me how her husband made promises to change, any change was temporary and he always found a new way to hurt her. As if reading my mind, she said "but he doesn't hit me." Her ex-husband was physically abusive, and so this became her justification.

He doesn't hit me.

While he did not hit her, he sabotaged her. Blaming the children for things he did, like eating all the leftovers was common. He wanted sex all the time, and made inappropriate comments in front of the children and her friends. However while at church he acted as if he was a saint, wanting everyone to see how holy he was. This roller coaster of emotion had her confused and hurt almost all the time.

Emotionally abusive relationships leave damage.

The reason her statement bothered me so much, was because I had said those same words years before. My then husband would call me beautiful in public yet ignore me when we were alone. While I had a college degree, and worked in the accounting field, he acted like I could not balance a check book. He slowly cut me away from friends and family, limiting me to work, home or out with him. But he didn't hit me.

The emotional damage can take years to recover.

In a few short years I lost friends, family and believed I was ugly and stupid. The few friends I had, were ones that liked him and were glad to use me. After the divorce they eagerly continued his emotional abuse. They called me stupid and treated me badly. Because this had been so much a part of my life, I expected it and did not question them. But they never hit me, even though they set me up with a guy who did, once.

Relationships with men, while improving with each one, were not healthy. It also effected jobs, choosing job after job where the bosses sabotaged and demeaned employees. One boss to keep me from quitting, reminded me regularly that my dog was at home alone.

Gender does not matter in emotional abuse.

While I being emotionally abused I worked for a couple. The wife regularly insulted her husband. She called him names and verbally attacked him. He went to an exercise class twice a week, yet she would question him about when he would get home and what he was going to do. She would tell him regularly that she did not want him.

Is recovery from emotionally abusive relationships possible?

Some people are able to bounce back in months. For others, it takes years to recover. In my case it took years, because the friends I had, were not really friends. However, when I changed friends, my self worth grew and my self esteem. The new friends helped me pick out better men. They defend me, encourage me and call me when I am sick. They care. My boyfriend cares and now I speak out against "He doesn't hit me." Any relationship where that is the justification is not a good relationship.

Positive support helps recovery.

If my support had been stronger, I would have recovered sooner. If you know someone emotionally abused, find ways to encourage. Try to change their habits and routines to help the person find strengths and wins. If you are emotionally abused, then you need to abandon friends who are not supportive or call you names. You need positive friends. You are worth it! You deserve the best!

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Are You in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship?

Emotional abuse is more difficult to diagnose than physical abuse because the symptoms can slowly work their way into a relationship. This starts with unhealthy behavior patterns and escalates to something more troubling. For example, an emotionally abusive partner tries to manipulate you to get what they want. They often don't mean to hurt you, but their controlling nature makes them behave in ways that are emotionally harmful to you.

What signs should you look for to determine if your relationship is an emotionally abusive one? Here are a few:

You are afraid to express yourself freely with your partner, and feel like you have to watch what you say.
Your partner's jealousy often keeps you from doing things you want with the opposite sex, even friends and colleagues.


Your partner frequently criticizes you, humiliates you in front of others, and you feel like your self-esteem has taken a blow since you met him or her.


Your partner prevents you from spending time with your friends, family, and anyone else outside of the relationship.


Your partner monitors your internet usage or reads your email correspondence.


Your partner has hinted at the possibility of hurting you or your loved ones if you ever betrayed him or her, or if you ever broke off the relationship.


Your partner has hinted at the possibility of hurting himself or herself, or even commiting suicide if you ever broke off the relationship.

This is by no means a comprehensive list of what to look for in an emotionally abusive relationship, but it gives you an idea of some of the major warning signs. The last sign - a partner who threatens suicide - is an especially dangerous manipulative tactic. If your partner threatens suicide if you don't do what they want, they are essentially taking you as their hostage in the relationship. If this is the case in your relationship, you need to get a third party involved as soon as possible.

If you think you're in an emotionally abusive relationship, you need to get help or get out as soon as possible. Even if the situation never escalates to physical abuse, you should be aware that emotional abuse is just as harmful and can lead to stress, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and other problems that will disrupt your life.

For more information on how to get out of an emotionally abusive relationship, check out the links below:

For women: How to leave an Emotionally Abusive Relationship
For men: How to Leave an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Are you in an emotionally abusive relationship? What are some signs of emotional abuse? Look for these suspicious behaviors which may be symptoms of a dysfunctional relationship, perhaps destined to become abusive.

Your partner ridicules you when you express yourself.
Your partner isolates you from friends and family.
Your partner limits your access to work, hobbies or money.
Your partner criticizes you, humiliates you and undermines your self worth.
Your partner has destroyed or threatened your property.
Your partner seems hot and cold in personality; very close then very distant.
Your partner steals from you or runs up a lot of debt.
Your partner makes you feel trapped in the relationships and afraid.
You feel as if you can't discuss anything with your partner.

There are also codependency symptoms to look for including:

Partner tends to be over-giving.
Partner must be in control at all times.
Partner finds needy people to care for.
Partner has an overactive sense of responsibility.
Partner feels victimized by the selfishness of others.
Partner tries to be all things to all people and has a problem setting boundaries.
Partner feels restless or bored when not involved in a crisis.
Partner looks for drama and chaos in life and then complains about it.
Partner gets angry when someone refuses help or ignores advice.
Partner is easy offended.
Partner tends to become self-righteous and a perfectionist.

It may be fairly obvious now that you are involved in either a codependent relationship, which may be fairly tolerable, or an abusive relationship, which is nearly impossible to live with. Your first reaction may be one of fear and anguish.

"But I love her!"

"But I can't live without him!"

These are common responses from partners accustomed to living with an abusive mate. These are not healthy responses, however. You have to treat abusive behavior like a mental illness, because it frequently is motivated by a partner's personality disorder. Just because you love somebody doesn't mean they are entitled to hurt you physically or jerk you around emotionally. You must work on your own self-esteem and improve your self-image before you can break this vicious cycle of behavior. Why? Because people with low self-esteem tend to tolerate abuse. They may subconsciously feel that they do not deserve a stable relationship. So they seek out doomed relationships in order to confirm their suspicions: that they're just going to screw up again.

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Emotionally Abusive Relationship - Feeling Dead in Your Own Skin

There is a certain numbness that goes hand in hand with being in an emotionally abusive relationship. And when it's in your body, you know the death of your being... the stifling of your personality... the annihilation of your soul.

You know the experience oh so well, and you may even know how much you hate experiencing yourself in this way.

What You Don't Know About Your Abusive Relationship

What's confusing for most people in emotionally abusive relationships is how they love this person, how this person purports to love them... and how it is that this "love" leaves them so dead in their own skin.

Here are some insights to help you sort out the experience of numbness characteristic of living in an emotionally abusive relationship.

1) Your essence shuts down, feels lifeless... almost dead. Your sense of presence in your environment is wiped out and overshadowed by your mere holding your own. It's as though what's left of you after an emotional assault serves to wrap your wounded-ness in protective numbness to recover, or at least stay out of the line of fire.

2) Your intra-psychic and interpersonal uniqueness disappears and you blend in as though you don't exist at all. That which is uniquely you is put in check and left there indefinitely. You have no interest in sharing who and what you are. Your concerns are only to get through the nourish-less encounter with your abusive partner.

3) Your connection to the universal lifeline vanishes and you experience your penetrating isolation. You feel alone in yourself. You are detached from those around you, and severed from your inner center and alignment with the whole.

If you know this experience in any way, shape or form, you owe it to yourself to learn more about emotionally abusive relationships. Doing so will help you recognize how you've engaged in the status quo, how you can ultimately break the cycle of abuse and how to heal from emotional abuse.

For more information on emotionally abusive relationships, visit http://www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com/emotional_verbal_abuse.php, and get Free Instant Access to your survivor success eInsights. Dr Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps individuals and families recognize, end and heal from emotional abuse. Copyright 2010 Jeanne King, Ph.D.

10 Signs of Emotionally Abusive Relationships

The signs of a physically abusive relationship are usually pretty easy to see. The actions that define an emotionally abusive relationship, however, are far less clear. How does a man or woman in an emotionally abusive relationship quantify actions that don't leave physical marks? How does someone in a relationship that leaves them uneasy and uncomfortable justify that feeling to themselves or to another? The sad truth is that many times, a man or woman in a relationship with someone who is emotionally abusive may not even understand that she is being abused. There are, however, signs of an emotionally abusive relationship. If three or more of these signs describe your relationship, you may want to learn more about emotional abuse and how it can affect you, your children and your life.

Note: Emotionally abusive relationships come in all shapes. While the word "partner" is used in these signs, it could just as easily be "parent", "child" or "friend". While women and girls are more often the victims of emotional abuse in partner relationships, boys and men are also often victims of emotional abuse. Gender pronouns are used simply as a convenience.

1. Do you find yourself "tiptoeing on eggshells" to avoid making your partner angry?

2. Does your partner frequently ridicule you in front of others and accuse you of having no sense of humor if you object?

3. Does your partner criticize everything you do? Has he ever told you that you're "lucky to have him" or made you feel that no one else could love you?

4. Has your circle of friends and acquaintances seemed to dry up since the two of you have been together? Do you have no friends outside the relationship?

5. Do you have to account for every moment you spend away from the house? Does he or she constantly accuse you of flirting with others when you weren't?

6. Does your partner blame you for his angry outbursts? Is it "always your fault" when something goes wrong?

7. Does your partner control all the finances? Does he control your access to money, work, friends or transportation?

8. Has your partner threatened to hurt herself if you leave, or if you don't do what she wants?

9. Has your partner ever threatened or implied that he would hurt you or your children? Has he threatened to "take your children away" or made comments like "you'll be sorry" or "you don't know what I'm capable of doing"?

10. Do you feel afraid, helpless or angry most of the time?

Though there are no physical bruises visible in emotionally abusive relationship, however the scares left from such abuse lingers for years in some cases. And the worse of all, it can sometimes lead to psychological and mental health issues.

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Emeka Ezidiegwu is an author of several romance and relationship publishing. If this article informed you, please feel free to visit us at: http://www.cupidmaster.com/emotionally-abusive-relationships.php for more related and interesting articles.

Emotionally Abusive Relationships - Possibly the Most Common and Least Understood Type of Abuse

When it comes to abuse in relationships, emotionally abusive relationships would rate very highly among those that are most prevalent.

This is a big issue, and one of the problems is, that often when this type of abuse is used, it is done in a supposedly humorous manner.

This makes it even more of a problem, as those on the receiving end are made out to be spoil sports when they object to the abuse.

This is particularly so in emotionally abusive relationships where sexual harassment occurs.

When women who are the victims of this type of behavior, take issue with men who treat them this way, they are accused of being odd, and not able to have some fun.

Abusers like this are notorious for their lack of taking any responsibility for their wrongdoing, as if they are entitled to do anything they want, and its the woman's problem, not theirs.

These type of emotionally abusive relationships occur in a range of places. For example, they can take place in social settings or workplaces and so on.

I became aware of one situation recently that occurred in my home town, a small place with less than 10,000 people.

A woman, who was the only female officer at the local Ambulance Station, was treated mercilessly over a considerable period of time, by the other male officers.

Any attempts to seek assistance fell on deaf ears. One incident involved her toilet being urinated on all over the place.

She eventually committed suicide by hanging herself on her daughters swing in her own backyard!

In emotionally abusive relationships between couples, there is a whole range of things that occur.

It is important to emphasize this abuse is overwhelmingly perpetrated by men. I say this because there is a common view abroad today, that women are just as likely to be abusive as men.

My view about that is, this is poppycock - it is nonsense. Sure there are some women who are abusive but there is no way there is any comparison.

Women throughout the world are subjected to all types of abuse. The problem is rampant and has barely been touched. Then we get this red herring thrown at us to take us off course.

In emotionally abusive relationships, women are riddled with unpleasant and undesirable comments and behavior that is so overpowering, it affects them to the depths of their inner being.

It has such a major impact on their confidence and self esteem, they become shadows of their former selves.

Women are so regularly criticized for being stupid and often fail to recognize they are being abused when this happens. It is also very much part of mentally abusive relationships.

I am continually amazed by the lack of understanding about the cause of emotionally abusive relationships and all other types of abusive relationships.

Invariably, excuses are made as a stand-in for an explanation. A dramatic change or transformation in the world is required to bring an end to this tragedy.

To achieve that we need an interpretation of the cause of the problem, that can bring about complete restructuring in the world, to the benefit of everyone.

There is a solution to emotionally abusive relationships, and all other types of abusive relationships.

Firstly, we need to recognize there is a structure in place in all parts of the planet, that bestows on males a superior status to females and children.

This leads to males taking on the role of the master, or the one in charge. It is maintained by males being encouraged to develop temperaments of dominance. It is demonstrated in the range of abuse used to dominate and hold power over the inferior underlings, and keep them in their place.

The solution to emotionally abusive relationships is to accept that males are not superior. We are all of equal status. The challenge to us males is to demonstrate this in our relationships. By doing this we can change the world for everyone's benefit, men, women and children.

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, concerned citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." -Margaret Mead

Leo has been a counselor for twenty years dealing with a range of issues with clients. During that time he has dealt with relationships primarily. He has given many talks, seminars and workshops on relationships to a broad cross section of people in the community, including other counselors, doctors, nurses, police, parliamentarians, church groups, to name a few. He has also been interviewed by all sectors of the media about aspects of his work. His website is http://www.relationship-tips-for-you.com