Recognize the Signs of a Male Relationship Abuser

Relationships all start beautifully - two people meet, fall in love, get married, have children. Especially for women, they always think that being with the one who sweeps her off her feet or who makes her heart flutter is always The One. However, this is not always true for all. Yes, some have succeeded, and yet there are still those many couples who do not succeed in keeping the love alive. Most often, after the "honeymoon" stage in a relationship, some people change - for the worse.

Sometimes, you might be inclined to say that these relationship abuses happen only in women who lack the necessary education. Truth is, even highly educated and well-accomplished women undergo the same thing as well.

Men who abuse women in whatever way are often thought of as sexist - probably thinking that males are better than females. A study conducted by experts show that most men who abuse women were themselves abused in their younger years. Thus, there is always the question about trust. These men may have confidence in their partners, but when they believe that their trust has been violated, in their mind, they think they have no other option but to resort to violence and abuse (whether physical, emotional, verbal, or sexual).

Since it is strongly believed that childhood experiences may have played a role in turning these men into abusers, it is possible that in their younger years, they have seen that in order to make women follow their whims, women should be subjected to physical pain. In some cases, abuse is also a reaction or a form of rebellion against females especially when the male had a negative experience with his mother. Unconsciously, he rebels against his mother through his partner especially when he sees some similarities between the mother and his partner's attitudes.

What are the signs that would tell you your partner is an abuser?

Some men initially show charm and care that women's hearts melt and inevitably, fall into the trap. Following are some indications that would tell you your man could be an abuser.

- He tells you sob stories about how a previous relationship ended and how his girlfriend broke his trust. Watch out if he has had several failed relationships.

- He is overly jealous and possessive of you that even the time you spend with your family and friends become an issue for him.

- He has a pompous attitude towards you - thinking that you are incapable of making your own decisions. This is due to his desire to control you and your actions and to make you feel dependent on him.

- He has a haughty outlook about women and believes that women are brainless.

- He has mood swings such that one time he is so sweet towards you, and abusive the next minute.

- He has unrealistic expectations of you and when he thinks you have "failed", he becomes very disillusioned about you for not meeting his expectations.

- He thinks that there is nothing wrong with the way he is treating you.

Bear in mind that men who are abusive by nature hardly ever change how they view things. You can try to slowly introduce him to the concept of him undergoing therapy, but get ready as well with the tirades that will be coming from him. If you see it's not going to change ever, then consider taking charge of your life and move on.

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When your child needs a lawyer?

By Robin Roshkind, Esquire, West Palm Beach, Florida

Going through a divorce and your wife and you may not agree.  Well why split anyway.  But it is more serious than that.  You have a child or children and don't know how to deal with them.  When one or both parents on both sides of the child, the child is a lawyer to advocate for the best interests of the child.  For example, if parents want intrusion of a trust for the child, to a inheritence, College Fund, separate bank accounts or both parents, is an attorney necessary for the child.  When one or both parents want to claw back money that of the child over time or by inheritence and children threatened their interests, is usually when a child their own lawyer.

The Tribunal will direct that a parent or both of these legal services will pay.  If the child has great assets even come from the funds of the child.  For more information about these or other matters relating to divorce in Palm Beach County, call one of the lawyers divorce at ROBIN ROSHKIND, P.A.at 561 835 9091 or click on the company's website at www.familylawwpb.com for more information.

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Abusive Relationships - Why Doesn't She Just Leave For Crying Out Loud?

Almost as common as the question why doesn't she just leave are the answers. So why do people continue to ask? I suspect it is because a victim's staying in an abusive relationship is truly perplexing looking from the outside in.

Here are 3 clear explanations for why she doesn't just leave:

1) Unrealistic hopes, dreams, roles and perceived love, etc

Believe it or not she really does love him, or at least she thinks this is love. And she loves her fantasy of what her relationship should be like. An when she's married, she believes it's her job to be the peace-maker and family glue "til death do us/her part."

2) Commitment to the belief that there are insufficient resources

In her relationship, she has been groomed to believe that life support is external to self. Her relationship atmosphere of dominance, dependency and exclusivity does not support plentiful resources.

There are economic considerations, residential realities, children's lives and the daunting prospect of being this person's enemy. She knows it's easier to be his friend than to be his enemy...which leads us to number 3.

3) Realistic fear of the consequences of her leaving the relationship

She knows that when she leaves violence will escalate upon and after her departure. You see when a victim leaves an abusive relationship, her mere physical as well as emotional separation increases the perpetrators need to control his partner.

Abuse is about fundamentally about control. Violence maybe a manifestation of domestic abuse, but let's face it: abuse is fundamentally about control.

And the perpetrator can't bear to be out of control. When the perpetrator feels he's losing his grip, violence will escalate so as to re-engage control.

If you are looking from the outside in, come to the table with this understanding and you will be in a better position to help someone in an abusive relationship if and when they are ready to leave.

For a deeper understanding of what keeps abusive relationships going and ultimately what stops them, visit http://www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D., helps people recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse.

? 2008 Jeanne King, Ph.D.

How to Leave My Abusive Relationship

An abusive relationship can come in many forms. For example some people are mentally, physically and/or spiritually abused. Abuse occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. Many victims don't even realize that they are in such a relationship. You know what I tell my clients--Open your eyes honey and take off the blinders. Anytime your mate makes you feel mighty low about yourself and constantly putting you down then you do not need them. The result of this is that your self-esteem is being chipped away slowly. The fact that you don't know that this is even happening, will cause you to lose sight of one-self. Not only do you lose sight of one-self but now you are finding and working harder just to please your mate anyway possible no matter what the cost maybe. What is the cost? The cost is your well-being. Why do we do this my brotha's and sista's?

Step 1 - Therefore the first thing that you must do is realize that you are in an abusive relationship. A true relationship is mutually supportive and encouraging and the fact that you can spend time talking with your mate without fear of being judged, shouted or worst physically violated. You don't attack one another personalities but can you give negative feedback with a view that your partner is basically good and that any negatives are a small part of who they are - not everything!

Step 2 -The second thing that you must do is realize that your safety comes first. Violence is never okay and if you have started excusing any violence towards you then your self esteem has really taken a toll. At this point you must get out because your life and well-being is at danger and there is no excuse in the world for violence, constant nit picking or verbal bullying. When leaving the abuser it is very important that you have a plan. When I say a plan--I mean an escape plan. Put together a plan so that you know exactly where you are going and how you are going to finance yourself.

Step 3 -The third thing that you must do is have the courage to split. Your mate may have brainwashed you making you think that you can't do anything without them and that nobody wants you--Well let me tell you something--I always tell my clients that there is somebody good for everybody. But you as the victim must realize that. You have been created and put on earth for a purpose. And it sure like heck is not to be someones personal punching bag. The thing you must know about your life is that you have choices. You have options. You have rights. It is up to you to take the action required to remove yourself, and your children if applicable, from any abusive situation. That is the only way possible to help the abuser. As long as you are there the atmosphere is unhealthy, the abuse escalates, the abuser becomes more aware of having a problem, the abuser denies responsibility for 'the problem', the abuser redirects the problem onto you. The abuser has no need to change.

Speak Sista Speak gives guidance and help people to develop positive, fulfilling relationships that fuel individuals and couples alike as well as touch on topics that deal with unhealthy relationships, relationship issues/problems. With over Ten years of experience in relationship counseling and advising, Speak Sista Speak has worked with hundreds of people on countless relationship issues.

We offer online consultations. To find out more go to [http://SpeakSistaSpeak.com/]

How Do I Get Out of an Abusive Relationship? I Want to Know Right Now!

I understand completely how you feel. As a matter of fact, I was in involved in an abusive relationship for a number of years, so I understand what you are going through.

Now I have a secret for you... and it is this:

I got through my unhappy marriage and so can you! This is great news, for you and me because we want to know how to get out of an abusive relationship.

Now take a minute and think about this, when you were first dating your partner where they kind and considerate? Typically, when we date a person that may ultimately be unkind, they are on their best behavior, they will be kind and sweet up front, it's natural to be attracted to a person who appears to be very kind and considerate.

Ok, so let's use my powerful secret to get you out of an abusive relationship.

What is the secret you ask? Well, I will tell you, it is this.....

There are many reasons that people stay in an abusive relationship. However, it is my belief that, the main reason is because of poor self image on our part, and the fact that we buy into our partners lies. That abusive partner will state that "it is your fault that we have such a crummy unhealthy relationship, not mine." When you buy into this lie it is very difficult to get out, this is one way your partner keeps you in the bad relationship. To get out, you have to accept the truth that it is your partner who poisons the relationship with their jealously and lies, not you or me.

Warning: Do not neglect the message above! Be sure to take the advice seriously if you want to get out of an abusive relationship.

What if you could learn the secrets that couples with A+ Relationships have learned? What price would you be willing to pay for that kind of knowledge and love? Well, it is just a click away! You can have that A+ knowledge, click on the link below and it will take you to my website.
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What is a parenting Coordinator?

By Robin Roshkind, Esquire, West Palm Beach, Florida

The courts are to make in divorce ... … sure the judge rules governing the distribution of the assets and liabilities ... … but more importantly a work, work of a judge to the Court for a divorce to children of the marriage to protect.  There are several ways to do this and one way is to use a parental parenting Coordinator.

This is a specially trained social worker or graduate psychologist who works with parents to smooth over time sharing issues.  The parties may establish for this third party, if and when there are problems with pick up and drop off kids, after care programs, supervision of parents with their children, domestic violence issues, and so on.

Work with a coordinator parents helps parents who can't easily treat each other, or who tend to use children as pawns to come up with the other parent.   Parenting coordinators work in General, not with the same children.  For more information about these or other matters relating to divorce, call one of the lawyers divorce at ROBIN ROSHKIND, p.a. 561 835 9091 or click on the company's website at www.familylawwpb.com for more information.

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Friend's Abusive Relationship - How You Can Help Your Friend in an Abusive Relationship

When you are the friend of someone in an abusive relationship, stop and hold reverence for the blessing that you are. Why? You are the best person to help; that is, until you can get her/him to professional help.

We find when friends of domestic abuse survivors reach out on their friend's behalf, they are in the best position to create a positive outcome for the person being abused.

First of all, friends that still have access to domestic abuse survivors have the best leveraging ability...certainly more leveraging than parents of the abused.

By leveraging, I mean they can touch the life and soul of their battered friend using their friendship as the vehicle for their concern. Friends tend to come to the table with less baggage and far fewer hidden agendas than do the parents of the abused. At least, this is how the abused party perceives it.

So as a friend, how can you help your friend?

1) Maintain ongoing, and as usual, contact with your friend.

2) Give her/him access to you, especially emergency access should that be needed.

3) Suspend any and all judgment of your friend for being in the abusive relationship.

4) You serve as the trust factor and get a credible source to serve as the information resource and change agent.

5) Open eyes with information, but be mindful of the possible consequence of your being estranged from your friend by doing so.

6) Keep your feelings of frustration out of the picture, and lead from your love and concern.

7) Always know that change is an inside job and no one can, or should, take the role of change agent for another, unless that is one's profession and they have been recognized for such by the person longing for change.

Appreciate that you and your friend are blessed with your eyes being open. No matter what, don't give up on your friend. That's what friends are for...to be there when needed most! And always know you can influence the path of the silent insidious syndrome of domestic violence before it spirals out of control.

For more information about helping a friend in an abusive relationship, I invite you to check out Stop Domestic Abuse - Helping Others Break the Cycle, where you can also claim your free Survivor Success Tips and eInsights. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse at home and in court.

?2008 Jeanne King, Ph.D. http://www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com