What's an Unhealthy Relationship? Part 1

While many people desire a meaningful romantic relationship in their lives, not all such relationships are created equal. A healthy relationship is mutually loving, respectful, and fulfilling for both partners. When both partners are emotionally well balanced and committed to each other, with good communication a happy relationship can be achieved. However, sometimes individuals bring personal issues into the relationship that can prove destructive to the other partner and the relationship. When damaging behaviors in a relationship interfere with the emotional, spiritual, or physical well being of either partner, the relationship becomes unhealthy and toxic.

Most people recognize that physical abuse, rampant drug or alcohol abuse, or affairs can cause significant damage and harm the traumatized partner in such a relationship. However, there are more subtle forms of emotional abuse (which can escalate to physical abuse). If you are feeling inferior, incapable, worthless, or crazy with your partner, this merits a closer examination into the true relationship dynamic. Sometimes emotional abuse is characterized by name calling, but it can also occur with repeated "suggestions" about how to do all manner of regular daily tasks "right."

One common aspect of emotional abuse is that it is designed to control the other party. You might be discouraged or prohibited from seeing certain people, dissuaded from pursuing new job or employment opportunities, coerced into sex (or denied affection), or "required" to give an account of your daily activities. In all cases, your partner is motivated by a desire to control your behavior and keep you dependent in the relationship.

By the way, what is holding you back from making the best choices to achieve the life you deserve?

For a free copy of my ebook, "Strategies For Escaping Emotional Abuse", click here: http://www.stoptoxicrelationships.com/gifts-strategiesforescapingemotionalabuse.html

Shannon Cook is a personal coach and resource guide who has written a number of informative articles and ebooks on the topic of toxic relationships and "difficult" divorces, including the physical, emotional, practical and relationship components.

Workplace Bullies and Intimate Partner Abusers - What's the Difference?

What is the difference between an intimate partner abuser and a workplace bully? Some people think they are the same. But all bullies do not fulfill the criteria for intimate partner abusers, even though they indulge in and enjoy relationship abuse. 

How Are Bullies and Abusers Alike? 

In my work with bullies and abusers, I've recognized that they both use battering to establish and maintain a relationship atmosphere of unequal power. Now this battering can be psychological, emotional or verbal abuse. And, as you know, it can escalate into physical and/or sexual abuse. 

Both bullies and abusers will fail to show authentic empathy toward the object of their abuse. They both will seek to control at all cost, and they will externalize blame to accomplish their end. 

How Are Bullies and Abusers Different? 

Where they differ is in the dimensions of possessiveness and isolation. Abusers are known for their need to posses their partner as though she/he was their property. They will exhibit excessive jealously, bordering on an inappropriate obsession. 

And lastly, the partner abuser will seek to isolate the victim from all sources of support outside of his/her control. This may be financial, physical, emotional, spiritual... 

The bully, on the other hand, doesn't seek to isolate his/her victim in the same fashion or to the extent that the intimate partner abuser isolates their partner. And clearly, the bully will be less likely to cling with possessiveness. To the contrary, the bully doesn't need to own the other person to experience their empowerment. 

A Final Distinction between Bullies and Intimate Partner Abusers 

Intimate partner abusers will bully their abuse partner and may not bully outside of "love" relationships. Whereas, a bully is a bully is a bully in relationships unilaterally. 

If you encounter a bully or an intimate partner abuser, proceed with caution. Seek to understand the dynamics of abusive relationships, so as to avoid becoming an abuse victim or a causality of bullying.

For more information about abuse dynamics, see Domestic Abuse Dynamics. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people recognize, end and heal for domestic abuse and bullying. Copyright 2009 Jeanne King, Ph.D. http://www.preventabusiverelationships.com/identify_domestic_abuse.php