Damaging Relationships - 3 Signs the Relationship Should Be Over

Relationships are challenging even when both parties are healthy and well balanced. A successful relationship in this case can be achieved through effort and commitment on the part of both parties. There are relationships, however, where no amount of effort on your part will prevent the damaging effects of staying with your partner. There are toxic scenarios where the best thing truly is to end the relationship. Here are 3 signs that your relationship should end:

1. There is abuse in the relationship. If you are being physically abused, please contact a domestic violence shelter or a counselor who specializes in that issue to get advice. Physical abuse typically escalates, and the most dangerous time is generally at the time of leaving the relationship. You will need guidance on the safest plan for exiting your particular situation successfully. If you are being put down, made to feel inferior, incompetent, or crazy, there is a good chance you are being emotionally or psychologically abused. In this case, the effects may not be as outwardly noticeable, but they are extremely damaging. Loss of self worth and depression frequently results.

2. There is untreated, active addiction in your partner. Your partner, if actively using drugs and/or alcohol, is not fully present in the relationship. The substance will always win out over you, and you are likely to end up in a cycle of crisis management with your partner that may leave little mental energy for you to focus on your own life, dreams, and ambitions. You may be impacted by legal and financial trouble if your partner ends up prosecuted or sued for behavior while intoxicated (like a DUI). You may even be in physical danger if, for example, you get in a car with your partner who has been using, and you have an accident.

3. Your partner commits serial infidelity. It is possible for a relationship to become stronger after an affair, if both parties are willing to work hard, open lines of communication, and be accountable to one another. However, if there is a pattern of unfaithfulness, there is no opportunity for trust to be rebuilt, and there is no foundation for a relationship. In addition, you place your health at risk by staying in a non-monogamous relationship.

Are you interested in addressing your life challenges from a holistic standpoint, assessing the physical, emotional, and relationship components?

For a free copy of my ebook, "Natural Methods To Fight Depression", click here: http://www.stoptoxicrelationships.com/gifts-naturalmethodstofightdepression.html

Shannon Cook is a personal growth and relationship expert who has written a number of informative articles and ebooks on the topic of toxic relationships and holistic personal growth, including physical, emotional and relationship health.

Controlling Relationship - It is Important to Realize This is an Abusive Relationship

A controlling relationship can have a huge impact on your life. It can limit you in so many ways and you end up feeling stressed, unhappy, and depressed.

It is important to emphasize this type of relationship comes into the category of an abusive relationship. This needs to be stated as there are many people who would not realize this.

When you know this, it is vital to examine the primary components of an abusive relationship and see how this relates to a controlling relationship.

Firstly, it means the controlling behavior is a way of dominating and holding power over the other person in the relationship.

It is usually the man who acts in such a way as this way of being tends to flow on from a belief that men are in charge in relationships and leads to a controlling relationship.

Taking on the aspect of being in charge follows from the commonly held belief, that men have a superior status or position and is seen as a way of supporting a controlling relationship.

Many men take on these beliefs because, not surprisingly, we are instructed to think this way, and encouraged to develop personalities where we dominate, leading to controlling in relationships.

It is even suggested this dominating and controlling behavior, that a lot of men display in relationships, is explained in such ways that it is due to their disposition, character, personality, makeup etc.

The only conclusion you could draw from such explanations about a controlling person in a relationship, is, that this is to be expected, and has to be accepted, and allowances need to be made.

There you are!! If you are experiencing signs of a controlling relationship, I'm sure that makes you feel a whole lot better and you now know how you can lead your life!!

Only kidding!! However, one does hear such things as women have to recognize how different men are from them, and the way to deal with some issues in relationships, is to make allowances for the controlling in relationships.

Before proceeding I need to say that these days we often hear such things as women in relationships can be as controlling and dominating as men in relationships.

My response to that is - poppycock! That is nonsense! I will acknowledge there are exceptions, but there is no comparison.

Throughout the world every day, women are killed, raped and live in fear. The culprits are the men who are their husbands/partners/boyfriends, who have been dominating and controlling them in their relationships.

Statistics tell us that 1 in 3 women throughout the world is subjected to abuse in their relationship. This is a huge problem and very little is being done about it.

I believe if we can find solutions to this dominating and controlling behavior in relationships, we can change the world and I want to be part of that process.

In fact, I personally think there is a solution to a controlling relationship. The issue is, for this to happen, men have to be open to the process, a lot of men are not.

Unfortunately, as it stands, with this dominating and controlling behavior in relationships that is widespread throughout the world, it is a lose/lose situation for everyone involved.

The solution that is available is a win/win for everyone. One of the things that gets in the way is the view that is very common and that is everything is a win/lose. That is if you're not winning you're losing.

In other words if men are caught up in dominating and controlling in relationships, they can think that if they are not doing that, then they are going to be dominated and controlled. It is like everything is a competition, and there are only winners and losers.

Are you ready for the solution - drum roll please! The thing about this is that it can seem anticlimactic, as it is not such a big deal, but the consequences are gigantic.

The solution to this whole thing about dominating, controlling and holding power over in
relationships, is to accept that as men and women we are of equal status!

There you have it! Doesn't seem such a big deal does it? Seems so simple. Yet I'm sure when this is in place throughout the world the changes will be phenomenal and there will no longer be any need for dominating and controlling in relationships.

Leo Ryan has been a relationship counselor for more than twenty years.He discovered inequality is a major problem and his focus is How To Have Equality in a Relationship. Go to his website: http://www.TheEqualRelationshipGuy.com and get a Free report about how to solve a common example of inequality in a relationship.

Time To Leave Your Toxic Relationship - Abusive Boyfriend

If you have been with your long time boyfriend who is abusive towards you, then it is time to leave your toxic relationship and stop putting yourself through undeserved torture. You are human, and you have feelings and self-worth. Being with some who is abusive towards you will only kill your self-esteem. You can only put up with the behavior for a certain limit but if it takes place constantly, you are only letting the abuse to break you down bit by bit without you realizing it. A relationship is suppose to be healthy, happy and bring out the best in you.

Time will not change him

One thing you cannot do is to change your boyfriend. Nobody can change anybody and if you try, it will only result to a fight or just a temporary result. However, you can change your reaction towards your boyfriend's abusive attitude towards you. Instead of giving in and letting him walk all over you until he is contented, you can change your attitude and stop him from having control when he starts to abuse you.

Give him a chance

You may think it is brutal to walk out on him just because he yells at you or just hit you. That is still unacceptable and you should find a time to talk to him when he is in a good mood. Talk through about what you can and cannot tolerate and why is he hurting you. If he didn't realize his actions, he will take note of what you say and try to control his behavior. If he threatens you, give you excuses like it was just a small deal and continue to behave like that, then you should remind yourself that he's got his chance and he blew it. You have every right to walk out on him.

Be firm

Maybe you are his object of gaining his confidence. If you have given him another chance but he blew it and is begging you to go back to him, don't soften your heart. In fact, to avoid such a dilemma, you should cut off all contacts from him and don't allow you to pester you and make you unsure of your decision.

A relationship is a two way thing. Besides trust and honesty, respect is crucial for a healthy relationship. It is common for people to lose self confidence, developed self-hatred and have distorted view of their self-worth if they had been affected by an abusive relationship. If your boyfriend is taking you for granted and is hurting you, then it is time to leave your abusive relationship.

Lea Anne helps her girlfriends by playing the role of Aunt Agony to help them by giving out her insights on relationship problems.For more of her write ups on dating and relationship advice, check out Healing From Your Break Up and the list of best guides.

5 Signs You Are In An Abusive Relationship

You'd think it would be simple enough to know if you are in an abusive relationship. Everyone has a clear idea of what domestic violence looks like. Most of the time, they would be right in their assessment - except, perhaps, when assessing relationships that are exclusively mentally, and emotionally, abusive.

Most of the time you would be right in your assessment or whether or not a relationship is abusive except...

When it comes to your own.

There is a widespread, dangerous, tendency to underestimate the importance of mental and emotional abuse. Because a degree of verbal abusiveness is commonplace in our society, it is interpreted as "normal".

In reality, being common doesn't make something normal, or acceptable. Being common doesn't make it any less deplorable. But, on the interpersonal level, we all tend to minimize the importance of bullying, hurtful, or destructive words and behavior.

How does that pan out in intimate abusive relationships?

It means the abused party in the relationship takes the longest time to realize the true nature of their relationship.

Nobody ever wants to believe that "it" has happened to them. The first law of abusive relationships is this: "abusive relationships happen to other people, less fortunate than me, a long, long way from here."

Sign 1

That brings us to the first sign. You spend a fair amount of your time justifying your partner's behaviour to other people, and telling yourself that things really aren't all that bad. Perhaps it's not that bad because at least he doesn't hit you; or, perhaps, he only hits you when he's drunk, or really angry; or, maybe, he only treats you like dirt every once in a while.

And that makes it almost okay... doesn't it?

And almost okay is almost good enough...

Or, at least, that's what you try to tell yourself.

That line of argument is correctly called "minimizing". It requires you to ignore, deny, or underplay the seriousness of your partner's ill treatment. At the same time, you exaggerate his charms, his qualities, and the love you share - allegedly.

(As a general principle, when someone treats you like their worst enemy, it suggests that whatever love there was has become pretty threadbare.)

Sign 2

You feel as if you are walking on eggshells a lot of the time.

Your partner's mood can change, in the blink of an eye. When it does, things get ugly, emotionally and/or physically. Of course, when that happens, it's all your fault. You provoked your abusive partner by overstepping the mark. You know that because he told you so.

In fact, he tells you that every time he explodes. That's why you're walking on eggshells. Somehow, you never manage to get it right for terribly long. If only you could, you would earn his love and appreciation - allegedly.

Sign 3

You've put your own life on hold.

In an abusive relationship, you spend your life trying to please your partner - or, at least, trying not to displease him. The net result is that his feelings, wishes, and responses become much more important than your own.

This is the deal: your abusive partner expects you to fit your life around his. If that means you don't have much of a life, then so be it. As a woman, your most important role is to service your partner. That's his belief, and you tend to agree with it. All you would like is a little acknowledgement, and the occasional sign of affection.

You expect to sacrifice yourself for your children. You see that as normal. It becomes difficult when you have to juggle his needs and the children's.

He has to feel that he is the priority, at all times - which leaves you with no time, or energy, to look after yourself.

Sign 4

You really don't believe you could ever manage without him.

In an abusive relationship, your partner tells you how inadequate you are, over and over again - that's what makes you so incredibly lucky to have him.

That's what he tells you; and that's what you come to believe.

So, you end up disliking yourself as much as he dislikes you. And you end up believing you are as inadequate as he says you are. Which means you end up relying on your abusive relationship for your very survival.

That's why you feel stuck, with no room for manoeuvre, between a rock and a hard place.

Sign 5

You've become a shadow of the woman you once were.

You don't laugh any more. You don't have friends you let close to you - because you wouldn't want them to know what really goes on. Besides, you have probably forgotten how to let someone get close to you.

You're anxious the whole time. Perhaps you abuse food, or alcohol, or feel depressed most of the time. Certainly, you feel drained and empty.

The worst thing is you've stopped dreaming. You've stopped envisioning a future in which your dreams, hopes, and ambitions will ever come true.

You've stopped hoping for pretty much everything - apart from him turning back into the man you fell in love with.

Your life has become an emotional desert. But still you might be asking yourself: "Is this emotional abuse?"

If you recognise the signs, you're in an abusive relationship

If you recognise the 5 signs, rest assured not only are you in an abusive relationship, but it's taken a severe toll on your emotional health. Your abusive relationship has left you feeling weak, worthless, and unlovable. That's exactly what an abusive relationship is designed to do. An abusive relationship exists to satisfy the craving for power and control of the abusive partner. That's bad news, certainly, but it's not hopeless.

Let the 5 signs of an abusive relationship, finally, sound the alarm for you. However bad it's been, and however long it's gone on, you're not too late to get out, get over it, and create a joyful life for yourself.

If you've been stuck in an unhappy, unhealthy relationship, leading Emotional Abuse Recovery Expert, Dr Annie Kaszina, can help.

Annie has given many hundreds of women, worldwide, the courage to make changes in their life, believe in their own value, trust their own judgements, and create healthy relationships for themselves. Find out more and sign up for your free 7 day e-course: "7 Things You Need To Know To Truly Heal" at: http://www.RecoverFromEmotionalAbuse.com

Abusive Relationship Healing - 5 Tips For Lifting Depression After Your Abusive Relationship

It is common knowledge that when one is beaten down, they feel beaten down. So it's no wonder that domestic abuse survivors frequently suffer from depression. We see this in individuals living in an abusive relationship, and in those having left their abuser.

What is it that makes it possible for these people to heal their depression? The following actions to avoid, and steps to take, are essential to the resolution of depression for domestic abuse survivors.

1) Stop Negative self-talk

Even though you might be accustomed to hearing how you can't, you won't, you don't, you aren't, there is no need for you to pick up where s/he left off. Doing so only sustains the battering. Only difference is it's from the inside out.

2) Un-shoulder responsibility for battering

Un-shoulder any remnants of your shouldering responsibility for the abuse. Battering is fully owned, operated and controlled by the perpetrator and no one else. Your willingness to shoulder the responsibility for the abuse is part of what keeps the abuse dynamic going. Let it go! It's not yours.

3) Avoid self-deprivation

Self-deprivation may have been the norm in your former kingdom and that's where it must remain. One may be accustom to being consumed by, and preoccupied with, taking care of the needs of the "other" (a demanding perpetrator), rather than recognizing and caring for oneself. This keeps you in the "I am abused position." Instead, it is time to know, honor and nourish yourself in every way, shape and form that is physically possible for you.

4) Cultivate Self-compassion

When the blow hurts and the pain aches, embrace it. Running from it prevents it from resolving itself. Exercise self-compassion. Be with yourself just as you would be with a small child who is wounded in a playground.

5) Find and rekindle that which you love...that comes from within

"That comes from within" is the key to this one. Now this may be the hard one because so much time has been spent on not recognizing anything is within. It is of utmost importance that you find that which you love...that comes from within, and make this your primary focus. As you focus on it, it will expand. You know what you focus on expands. That which we bring energy to brings more of it onto us.

Bonus Tip: Focus on what you have; not what you don't have. You've been inundated with the message that you aren't enough...you're amiss in this, that and the other. Over time you develop the habit of seeing yourself as the half-empty cup. Shift your perspective and see yourself as the half-full cup. With this your cup will fill with more of what is right with you.

If you do all of these things, your depression will lift.

And under that you will discover the goodness that you are, the happiness you can be and your love of life again. For more domestic violence healing insights, claim your free Survivor Success Tips and eInsights. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people identify, end and heal abusive relationships.

© 2008 Jeanne King, Ph.D. PreventAbusiveRelationships.com

Trapped in a Toxic Relationship? - 4 Signs it Might Be Time to Let Go

Relationships require effort, commitment, and love to be successful. With two emotionally balanced individuals who are motivated, a happy, fulfilling relationship is well within reach. However, there are instances where the relationship has an unbalanced and damaging dynamic in place that causes harm to one or both partners. It might feel as if no amount of effort improves things. Certain actions and behaviors on the part of one or both partners can render a relationship a destructive and damaging thing. Here are 4 signs it might be time to let go of the relationship:

1. Abuse. Any kind of abuse is damaging, whether it be physical or emotional. Physical abuse, of course, is extremely dangerous, and if you are in this situation please contact a domestic violence shelter and get professional help to determine the best plan of action for you. If you are being emotionally abused, be aware that the scars may not be visible, the psychological damage is significant. Being constantly told you are inferior, incompetent, or crazy lowers self esteem and can even lead to depression.

2. Infidelity on a serial or ongoing basis. An affair can end up resulting in a stronger marriage if both partners recommit, and much better communication and accountability is put into place. But repeated and serial infidelity takes on almost a compulsive nature and is a different scenario. There is no foundation for a relationship without trust, and you may actually be risking your physical health staying in a non-monogamous relationship.

3. Personality disorders are present. This "hard wiring" of the personality can cause may problems in a relationship. Disorders such as narcissism and sociopathy/psychopathy leave the individual unable to sustain emotional depth and connection with another, prevents lasting change, and contributes to harmful and destructive behaviors.

4. Addiction is present and your partner is unwilling to accept or seek any help for the problem. An addict who is actively using is going to be most preoccupied with getting the next fix and will not be able to prioritize the relationship. The consequences of the addict's behavior may negatively impact you as well, in legal of financial matters (DUI's, accidents, etc). it may be very tempting for you to lose yourself in the relationship, and constantly be on crisis management duty.

Are you interested in addressing your life challenges from a holistic standpoint, assessing the physical, emotional, and relationship components?

For a free copy of my ebook, "Natural Methods To Fight Depression", click here: http://www.stoptoxicrelationships.com/gifts-naturalmethodstofightdepression.html

Shannon Cook is a personal coach and resource guide who has written a number of informative articles and ebooks on the topic of toxic relationships and holistic personal growth, including physical, emotional and relationship health.

What's an Unhealthy Relationship? Part 1

While many people desire a meaningful romantic relationship in their lives, not all such relationships are created equal. A healthy relationship is mutually loving, respectful, and fulfilling for both partners. When both partners are emotionally well balanced and committed to each other, with good communication a happy relationship can be achieved. However, sometimes individuals bring personal issues into the relationship that can prove destructive to the other partner and the relationship. When damaging behaviors in a relationship interfere with the emotional, spiritual, or physical well being of either partner, the relationship becomes unhealthy and toxic.

Most people recognize that physical abuse, rampant drug or alcohol abuse, or affairs can cause significant damage and harm the traumatized partner in such a relationship. However, there are more subtle forms of emotional abuse (which can escalate to physical abuse). If you are feeling inferior, incapable, worthless, or crazy with your partner, this merits a closer examination into the true relationship dynamic. Sometimes emotional abuse is characterized by name calling, but it can also occur with repeated "suggestions" about how to do all manner of regular daily tasks "right."

One common aspect of emotional abuse is that it is designed to control the other party. You might be discouraged or prohibited from seeing certain people, dissuaded from pursuing new job or employment opportunities, coerced into sex (or denied affection), or "required" to give an account of your daily activities. In all cases, your partner is motivated by a desire to control your behavior and keep you dependent in the relationship.

By the way, what is holding you back from making the best choices to achieve the life you deserve?

For a free copy of my ebook, "Strategies For Escaping Emotional Abuse", click here: http://www.stoptoxicrelationships.com/gifts-strategiesforescapingemotionalabuse.html

Shannon Cook is a personal coach and resource guide who has written a number of informative articles and ebooks on the topic of toxic relationships and "difficult" divorces, including the physical, emotional, practical and relationship components.

How Abusive Action Can Destroy Relationship

Abusive relationship is the most destructive form of a relationship. It is not even a relationship, it is just wrong actions and behavior repeatedly done to a person or to a group of people. The action can be done in physical or in verbal and they are both deadly.

Usually a person uses physical abuse as the way to make them feel in control over their partner. They thought by power they can win their control and respect from their partner but eventually it just bring disrespect and hatred from their partner. They use pain as their weapon to win against their partner.

Verbal abusive means using harsh and negative words to another person. Yelling, shouting and sometimes bullying is the most common practice of verbal abusive. They mock the person and keep on taunting them with threats, taunts and so on. They sometimes can hurt people worse than physical abuse because they hurt the person feeling and it can distract their confidence and disturb their self-esteem.

Dealing with that kind of person need extra patience and understanding. You have to prepare your self well if you face these type of people. You have to address the problem right because it is not the person that you do not like but it is their behavior that you do not like. You care about him or her and that is why you want them to change because you know that they need to change if they want to be a better person.

Jaxky Lim wants to share his knowledge about home and kitchen appliances. Based on real life experiences, his Black and Decker blender parts site is created to share those resources so men and women all around the world can benefit from it.

Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship - Be Very Quiet

You don't get the full gist of it in the beginning of the relationship. And as far as your significant other is concerned you are not supposed to. If you did than the chances of you still being in the relationship would drop considerably.

So they went about sweeping you off of your feet and did their best to hide their true nature. It worked because you fell in love with them and decided to make a go of things.

But you cannot shake the thought that everything is not what it appears and that includes your significant other. At times you can feel the tension but you are hard pressed to explain why it hangs in the air.

Are you in an abusive relationship but just don't know it yet? There are signs that may be pointing in that direction.

1. Their Rage

We all get angry but when you significant other loses it they really lose it. There are periods during their ranting and raving where they seem totally out of control. Besides what they wind up getting angry about is so trivial in nature that you have a hard time comprehending why something like that would them off.

2. Post Rage

Your significant other has cooled off. Everything appears to be back to normal but you can tell from their body language they are still peeved. Hours or even days later they still have not gotten over it. You make an effort to talk about it but that just sets them off again. There also does not seem to be any self reflection or remorse. In their opinion, they are right and anybody who cannot see that is blind or just plain ignorant. As time goes on their feelings toward whatever set them off start to harden even more.

3. Waiting For the Storm Again

How does their rage make you feel? Do you brush it off as one of those things that you are prepared to handle if it happens again or do you feel yourself whether intentional or not walking on egg shells? If it makes you afraid to the point that you don't feel comfortable expressing yourself openly then there is a problem out there which could get a lot worse.

For more information on abusive relationships please visit The Relationship Tip. Article written by Daryl Campbell.

What You Can Do to Help Someone in an Abusive Relationship

What can you do if someone you know is in an abusive relationship?

The first thing to realize is that the best option for anyone is to leave an abusive relationship. Leaving is the only real solution to this problem. Any other solution is not very good. Even if the abuser somehow has a radical awakening and becomes nice, the hurt the person went through will stay with them forever.

The best help is to strongly encourage them to leave and support them.

So the way to help someone is to tell them you think they should leave their abuser. You tell them you care about them and will help in whatever way you can. Be honest with how much you can help. Maybe they could stay with you for a few days. Maybe you could give them some money to tide them over. Maybe you can come to their house and remove them from the abuser.

The least you can do is to point them towards articles like this and books that explain how harmful it is to be abused. Every person deserves to live a good life free from abuse and information from people like me who were abused, who lived to talk about it and are so much better for leaving help.

You can tell the person that their life will be better after leaving. That is the truth.

I was married to a verbally abusive woman who I eventually had to leave. The way I was able to get strong enough to leave was to continuously read about verbal and mental abuse and how it was so harmful to a person. I read articles like this on the internet and books at the bookstore and the library.

When a person is being verbally abused they are just trying to survive. Thinking about all the possibilities in life does not hold very much meaning because the day-to-day pain of being verbally abused causes depression and a sense of dread and anxiety. Life is just not that good.

You can forward them the links to these types of articles. Please be careful with this. If the abuser sees this they will make the abused persons life more miserable. You really have to be careful. An abusive person is not a normal, nice person. They have issues and you do not know what they are capable of.

About the Author:

Hans Hallanger is The Organized Man. Check out the link http://www.organized-way.com/leave-your-wife.html to learn more about the eBook "How to Leave Your Wife."

Leave a Psychologically Abusive Relationship - 5 Steps to Success

A psychologically abusive, "toxic" relationship can be hard to define. However its effects can be as devastating as physical abuse. Lower self esteem, a feeling of helplessness and being trapped, and depression can result from repeated exposure to this kind of relationship. Fortunately, there are strategies to help you detach from a toxic relationship:

1. Listen to your gut instinct. If you feel badly around your partner, and worse about yourself, be aware this is not normal and should be paid attention to. A healthy relationship has conflict, but it should not leave you feeling awful about yourself on a regular basis. Verbal put downs may be blatant or subtle, public or private, but they are always damaging.

2. Listen to your trusted friends and family. These are the people who love you and know you best. If they express concern about the way you are being treated, pay attention to what they are saying. Remember, if they are people you are happy and safe around, they do not have the agenda to control your life like your toxic partner does.

3. Make advance preparations. If you are considering leaving, be sure you have a plan in place that includes making copies of all important records and documents and getting a credit card and a bank account in your own name. It is important to remove as much of your practical dependency on your partner as you can.

4. Gather professional resources around you. Enlist the services of a reputable attorney, a good counselor, a naturopath, and other support persons who can help you transition from hopelessness to empowerment. This network will help you successfully navigate the emotional and practical hurdles ahead.

5. Keep plans to yourself. Other than your trusted inner circle, keep plans to leave private from your abusive partner. He or she will only try to talk you out of leaving and employ whatever tactic necessary to prevent you from leaving. Remember, the most dangerous and difficult time in an abusive relationship is when you are leaving. If you have any fear for your safety or the safety of your loved ones, please consult with a mental health professional or women's crisis line in your area before leaving.

Relationship problems often go hand-in-hand with depression. For a free copy of my ebook, "Natural Methods To Fight Depression", click here: http://www.stoptoxicrelationships.com/gifts-naturalmethodstofightdepression.html

Shannon Cook is a personal growth and relationship expert who has written a number of informative articles and ebooks on the topic of toxic relationships and holistic personal growth, including physical, emotional and relationship health.

Rescuing Your Ex From an Abusive Relationship

No matter how hard it may be to lose your ex to another it is even more painful when they are involved in an abusive situation and you are not sure how to rescue them. Not only are you longer the center of their life but the person they are with are just plain bad news. No one deserves to be treated carelessly.

Even if your primary goal is not to get your ex back you certainly don't want to see them involved in a demoralizing relationship. Don't just set back judging her poor choice, decide to do something about it. You need to make sure she understands she deserves better from someone, especially someone that she professes to love. Convincing her that you are only looking out for her with no alternative motives may proof a little tricky. Be sure you are not doing it for you own selfish gain. No matter the reasons, the bottom line is she needs some help.

Often people involved in these type of relationships really don't want to be rescued and see it as their due. However if the relationship appears to be one in which she could be physically in danger you need to do all within your power to make her understand this.

Sometimes people fall into a pattern of accepting abusive behavior. You may just prove to be a safe haven for her should she ever need one. Let her know you can be trusted. If in the past you had a good relationship then she will be keen to listen to you. If you were not the most stellar boyfriend do whatever you can to show her you turned over a new leaf. Once she perceives she can lean on you she will be ready to heed your advice. Show her through your actions that she deserves kind treatment. Abusive people depend on belittling others and she may have come to believe she deserves unfair treatment. Remember her self esteem has suffered because of being mistreated.

Even if you have no romantic concerns for her, just for old time's sake she deserves better treatment. Showing her that she needs rescuing with no strings attached will help put her mind at ease. If you do still have feelings for her keep those in confidence as you may only make things worse for her. Often the abusive person will become very possessive and may hurt her even further. Their jealous streaks run long and deep. It they sense a lack of control they may spiral into more dangerous behavior patterns.

Above all else value her safety first. She is in trouble and needs your help. Don't turn away from her. Sure things could get ugly but you need to step up to the plate.

Not only is there a chance you may get her back, you may even save her life.

Joel is an expert author whose been publishing online for several years. To learn more about pellet stoves visit his latest website at pellet stove fuel,which provides articles on all aspects of wood pellet stoves along with creditable references to help you assess and determine the best wood burning pellet stoves.

Are You in an Abusive Relationship?

An inventory, which has been administered to approximately 100 women known to have been abused by their partners, has yielded a consistent response, such as "I didn't know I was being abused until I took the test. I thought my relationship was normal but just had some problems."

Very many women are suffering quietly in an outrageous relationship because they do not even realize that they are being abused. They have become so compliant through abuse beginning in childhood that cannot detect abnormal treatment.

For this reason, Dr. Heyward Ewart has listed 34 questions for women to ask themselves to determine if their relationship is abusive. Ewart, an experienced clinician, offers these questions to help women realize their potential plight:

1. Are you afraid of your partner?

2. Do you feel as though you have to "walk on eggshells" to keep your partner from getting grouchy?

3. Has your partner ever hit, slapped, or pushed you?

4. Do your feel you deserve to be punished?

5. Do you ever have the feeling you've done something wrong but you don't know what it is?

6. Have you lost respect or love for your partner?

7. Are you ever afraid your partner will hurt the children?

8. Have you ever daydreamed of killing or disabling your partner?

9. Is your partner good to you some or most of the time but suddenly gets scary?

10. Are the children afraid of your partner?

11. Does your partner ever tell you you're crazy?

12. Has your partner ever threatened to hurt you?

13. Do you ever fear you may be seriously hurt by your partner?

14. Has your partner ever threatened to commit suicide?

15. Has anybody warned you to get out of the relationship?

16. Were you abused or neglected as a child?

17. Has your partner forced you to do things you don't want to do?

18. If you say "no" to your partner, is there danger?

19. Have you lost any friends due to your partner?

20. Does your partner have to approve where you go and when?

21. Have you lost a job because of your partner?

22. Does your partner stop you from doing things you want to do?

23. Does your partner doubt your word; that is, not believe you?

24. Do you feel emotionally numb?

25. Are you afraid to tell anyone what's really going on?

26. Have you ever wanted to call the police or someone else for protection?

27. Do you ever feel hopeless about your situation?

28. Have you ever thought about running away?

29. Does your partner change when using alcohol or drugs?

30. Are you forced into sex when you're not willing?

31. Do you feel like your partner's personal possession?

32. Have you ever been in a violent or controlling relationship before?

33. Was there bad fighting in the family you grew up in?

34. Are you a grown child of an alcoholic or drug abuser?

Dr. Heyward Ewart is the author of "AM I BAD? Recovering from Abuse", set for September release by Loving Healing press. This and other tests, along with the ebook version, are offered at [http://www.child-to-adult-victim.com]

Understanding Your Troubled Relationship - 2 Ways You Can Save It

If you are in a relationship where you feel confused and lost, you probably need to learn ways of understanding your troubled relationship so that you can decide to save it or abandon it. Sometimes when we are too caught up in the events of our lives and relationship, we tend to lose sight on what is important to us and what are bad for us. So here I will help you understand your troubled relationship and explore if there is a way to save it.

#1: You are in an abusive relationship

I am not being biased here but usually when people are in an abusive, physical or emotional, relationship my advice to them is to get out of it if they have not or abandon it if they are already out. Because if your partner is abusive, it is very difficult for him or her to change in the short term. These abusive behaviours are imprinted in them every since childhood so for them to change for the better, the both of you will need a huge amount of time, effort and perseverance to make things work out.

However, if your choice is to stay with the man or woman of your dreams. It isn't impossible for things to work out well. And like I said, you need to have plenty of patience, tolerance and perseverance during this process because it is likely that you may still get abused during this period of time.

How you can save it is to let your partner know that if this relationship is ever going to work out, he or she has to promise that he or she will change. (In words and in actions) Let your partner know that changing and taking away their abusive self is the only way you will make peace with the past and carry on living happily together. With that said, do not simply rush back into the relationship. Take things a day at a time and let your partner show you that he or she is really repentant about his or her ways before getting back together with your ex. This could take months or years for you to feel their sincerity but since they are the ones who hurt you, it is their duty to constantly assure you (in words and in action) that they have changed for the better.

When you feel ready to accept them again, it is time to accept them. However, I must let you know that there is a possibility of their abusive nature to suffer a relapse and you have to be prepared for it.

#2: Your partner is not that into you

If your partner is not that into you, it is a rather tricky situation to handle. Because you cannot control how your partner feels and to get back that special feeling with him or her will be difficult. The symptoms when your partner is not that into you is when your partner is always busy with 'work' but is still able to make time for his or her friends. Or when your partner is always tired and puts in less effort when talking to you or when the both of you are having sex.

What you can do to save the relationship is to be the one that is just continue being yourself and appreciating every moment you have with the person. Because as I've mentioned earlier, you cannot control his or her feelings and the best you can do is to appreciate any little sweetness in the relationship.

With that said, it is not the end of your relationship! Even if your partner decides to or is thinking about a breakup with you there are additional ways you can save it.

Did you know there are proven techniques for stopping a break up?

Don't make the mistake of relying solely on what you already know to guide you. If you love your partner, do your best to make your partner stay. Start by watching an informative video - that tells you the exact things you need to say and do to win your love back - by CLICKING HERE NOW: http://winningloveback.info

Controlling Relationship - How Complacency in Intimate Relationships Affects You

Complacency to avoid consequences yields a lack of assertiveness across the board...that is, in other relationships at work, at home and at large.

Some battered women will tell you that they only have difficulty holding their own with their abusive partners. I beg to differ.

Complacency with Your Intimate Partner

When in an abusive relationship, individuals gradually learn that with complacency one can avoid unwanted consequences. For example, yielding to the wishes of your controlling partner can avert the response associated with his not getting what he seeks.

It's a common conditioning that goes hand-in-hand with survival in an abusive relationship. You gradually, yet quickly, learn that when you don't deliver the desired request, you pay a price.

The price varies depending on individuals and on where couples are in the progression of their abuse dynamics. It can start with an irritating whine and progress to threats of abandonment or verbal, emotional or physical battering behavior.

The complacent partner is actually manipulating the circumstances by delivering that which her abusive partner seeks. And in so doing, her compliant behavior keeps their relationship conflict and danger at bay.

Complacency Spills Over

But it doesn't stop here. With her complacency comes a feeling of self-denial. She knows she has thrown a deaf ear at her own needs. And this leaves her feeling numb.

That numbness strengthens the more she experiences it...until the day comes when she finds herself empty where assertiveness is called for in other relationships.

Here's how it may manifest. You may find that you are interacting with a co-worker or a colleague or customer/client, and you fail to bring into the interaction your truest desires. You sit on your perspective and let other's agenda take course.

On some level, you are manipulating immediate interaction consequences without awareness of the larger implications of your complacency. Before you know it, you are doing the very same thing in this other relationship that you have been doing with your intimate partner. And the net result is that you strengthen your lack of assertiveness.

If you are using complacency to avoid consequences in your intimate relationship, beware of the consequences in the broader context of your life. Recognize the impact of this on your assertiveness skills and lack thereof before your numbness completely silences and ultimately destroys you.

For more information on controlling relationships, see www.preventabusiverelationships.com/controlling_relationship.php and claim Free Instant Access to Survivor Success eInsights. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people nationwide recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse. ©Jeanne King, Ph.D. - Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention

Abusive Relationship Signs - Endlessly Inadequate in the Presence of Your Abusive Spouse

"When you walk through that door, my time becomes your time." Sound familiar?

The question I have is, "Is it good or is this bad?" That could go either way depending on how you experience yourself when you are with him...when you give to him...when he wants from you...when he gives to you.

If you are in an abusive relationship, you may notice that you step out when your abusive spouse steps in. It may be that you believe you need to be "all about him" when he shows up, because being about you could come with punitive consequences.

Being a Bad Person in the Presence of Your Abusive Spouse

He may only be content with your catering to him. And moreover, he may have demonstrated that no matter how much you give, it will never be enough...because he can always find something that is wrong.

He actually finds some pleasure in showing you that you are deficient...defective...inadequate. You are the absolute furthest thing from perfect being just as you are.

So, you find yourself jumping through the hoops of what you think he will want you to be, until you tire and wish deep inside that he would just go away.

Being a Good Person in the Absence of Your Abusive Spouse

Then, you observe yourself basking in ease when in his absence. You catch yourself enjoying not having to live up to his endless demands, judgments and expectations.

You stumble upon your rightness for simply being you. You discover the good person that you are. And from here, you seek to protect this good soul from him.

So when he walks through that door, you set her aside and your time becomes his time...but for the wrong reasons. This makes you resent his being there and inspires your desire for him to stay away.

Being That Good Person in the Presence of Your Abusive Spouse

What would it take for you to be that good person in his presence? What would you need from him? And, what would you need from yourself?

If you are asking these questions, you could be a candidate for an abusive relationship therapy overhaul. You and your abusive spouse could both benefit from finding the way to have you be that good person in his presence. Invariably this will open the door for you and your partner to break the cycle of intimate partner abuse.

For more information about abusive relationship therapy, visit www.DomesticAbuseCounseling.org and claim Free Instant Access to Survivor Success eInsights. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps couples nationwide recognize, end and heal from spousal abuse. Copyright 2010 Jeanne King, Ph.D. - Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention

Does Love Have to Hurt? - 3 Signs it May Be Time to Let Go of the Relationship

We all enter a romantic relationship hoping it will be an addition to our lives, something that will help us grow and be more successful, an experience that will be loving and supportive. Unfortunately, not all relationships serve this function in our lives. With effort, good communication, and commitment, many well balanced and healthy individuals so go on to forge these kinds of relationships with another - but there are certain behaviors that make a satisfying union nearly impossible. While change can be possible for motivated individuals, for partners of people who engage in destructive behaviors as a pattern, the safest and healthiest course of action may be to remove yourself from the relationship. Here are 3 signs it may be time to let go:

1. There is abuse in your relationship. If you are being physically abused, this is very dangerous and is likely to escalate. Please contact a counselor that specializes in domestic violence issues, or a domestic violence shelter to help you come up with a safe plan to exit the relationship. The time of leaving a physically abusive relationship is a very risky time and you need professional guidance. If you are being emotionally abused, this is also very serious and damaging. If your partner seeks to demean and control you as a pattern of behavior, leaving you feeling inferior or even crazy, you may be a victim of emotional abuse.

2. Your partner is actively engaged in an addiction, such as drugs or alcohol. If your partner is actively using, you will be on the back burner as your partner seeks to feed the addiction. There are likely to be repeated crises related to your partner's addiction, and frequently your partner will simply not be fully available in the relationship. You can be impacted by legal and financial fallout, such as DUI's, personal injury, and even charges related to a death if it is caused by poor judgment while your partner is using. You may be endangered if, for example, you get in a car with your partner after he or she has been using, and you have an accident.

3. There is repeated infidelity in the relationship. While a relationship can survive infidelity if both partners are recommitted and improve communication and accountability, if your partner continues to destroy trust and cheat, there is no foundation upon which to build a healthy relationship. You are likely to be consumed by the emotional damage that continues to accumulate. In addition, you are risking your own life and health by continuing to be sexually intimate with someone who is acting out sexually with others.

Are you interested in addressing your life challenges from a holistic standpoint, assessing the physical, emotional, and relationship components?

For a free copy of my ebook, "Natural Methods To Fight Depression", click here: http://www.stoptoxicrelationships.com/gifts-naturalmethodstofightdepression.html

Shannon Cook is a personal coach and resource guide who has written a number of informative articles and ebooks on the topic of toxic relationships and holistic personal growth, including physical, emotional and relationship health.

Warning-Signs of Abusive Relationship

The signs of abusive relationship are hardly recognizable at the beginning. Often, the symptoms are dismissed as something that is a result of a stressing day at work or a wicked encounter at the street. Besides, maladies such as this attack in sheer subtlety that no woman will ever have the opportunity to admit earlier that the threats are indeed real.

And there is really a big problem when women barely give an attention to the signals because it will surely lead to a nightmarish experience. To prevent the rate of women who have had assaulting partners, here are the telling signs of abusive relationship every woman must not fail to notice.

When a man deliberately attempts to degrade a woman's personality and self-worth it must ring an alarming bell. No man in his right mind will ever intimidate a woman through verbal abuse and emotional rape. Such men, according to psychologists are products of a past abuse that the sickness dwells within them. As a result, such men are subconsciously driven to dominate the relationship in the most unpleasant ways possible.

When the reason behind intimidation is that a man does not want to give a woman the chance to stand on her own and have the spirit to be courageous. Because when that happens, women would not be afraid to get out of the relationship and leave a man behind - that's a tell-tale sign.

What makes it even harder to deal with is that such men are adept at mustering a good image, and are constantly heroic in mien. While those men appear calm and gentlemanly in front of others, what happens within the relationship is entirely the opposite. Isn't it a torture to have a man that is warm towards other people but cold, indifferent, and disrespectful to the partner?

So when a man provides emotional turmoil, physical injuries, and withholds affection such as love, care, and passion - please, sound the alarm for the signs of abusive relationship, because it's valid, believable, and alive in the relationship.

Hi, my name is Emeka Ezidiegwu and I have more detailed information about this topic on my blog. Click ==> here to visit my blog through relationship tips link or love heart link to learn more.

Are You in a Toxic Relationship? - 3 Signs the Answer is Yes

Relationships require effort and commitment on the part of both partners to succeed. If both partners are emotionally healthy and balanced, this work goes far in ensuring a mutually fulfilling, supportive relationship. However, there are some relationships in which one or both partners are not balanced or healthy, and in which there is a very unhealthy dynamic. If the relationship becomes emotionally damaging and costly, it can turn toxic. Here are 3 signs that your relationship has reached the point of toxicity:

1. There is any kind of abuse in the relationship. Physical abuse often escalates over time and is extremely dangerous. Please contact a domestic violence shelter or counselor who specializes in domestic violence issues to make a plan to get out of your particular situation. The most dangerous time for women who is with an abuser is at the time of leaving. If there is emotional and psychological abuse, this too can be very toxic and damaging. This kind of abuse, filled with blatant or subtle criticisms, can leave you feeling worthless, inferior, incompetent, depressed, and even crazy. If you feel controlled by your partner, dependent, or as if you can't win your partner's approval, you may a victim of emotional abuse.

2. Your partner is in the throes of untreated addiction. If your partner is not being treated for his or her addiction, you are constantly placed in a position behind their drug of choice. Along with siphoning a great deal of your emotional energy off in dealing with their various substance induced crises, chances are your addicted partner is not fully present in the relationship. On a practical level, you may be setting yourself up for legal and financial troubles from their behavior (DUI's, personal injury, or even murder charges against your partner for killing someone while drinking or drugging).

3. Your partner commits serial infidelity. This act continually destroys all trust between you and leaves you nothing upon which to build a relationship. If you stay in this situation, you are setting yourself up for betrayal and torment. Your mind and energy will constantly revolve around what your partner is doing, who he or she is with, etc. In addition, you are risking your very health staying with someone in a non-monogamous relationship.

Are you interested in addressing your life challenges from a holistic standpoint, assessing the physical, emotional, and relationship components?

For a free copy of my ebook, "Natural Methods To Fight Depression", click here: http://www.stoptoxicrelationships.com/gifts-naturalmethodstofightdepression.html

Shannon Cook is a personal growth and relationship expert who has written a number of informative articles and ebooks on the topic of toxic relationships and holistic personal growth, including physical, emotional and relationship health.

The 10 Tell-Tale Signs That Your Daughter is in an Abusive Relationship

How do you know if your daughter or son is in an abusive relationship? Deep down inside you know your relationship with her has changed. What puzzles you is how and why...

Here are some tell-tale signs that she is in an abusive relationship.

1) You feel her pulling back for no apparent reason.

2) You are given excuses rather than contact.

3) The door to her home and her life is closed to you more often than not.

4) You see her awkwardness when she delivers directives that appear to be the wishes of her partner.

5) You observe her to be less of herself in her partner's presence.

6) She projects a presence of "being enlisted" rather than being herself.

7) Her happiness is very much tied to her being and doing as her partner wishes.

8) You notice she makes excuses for his behavior.

9) It's apparent that her interest in protecting her newly found shrine exceeds her desire to be your family.

10) Your grandchildren are protected parties, rather than your flesh and blood.

Your adult child's marriage was expected to enhance your family, not diminish it. You wonder what you can do and how you can penetrate the barriers put before you.

If you are the parent of a daughter or son that appears to be involved in an abusive relationship, don't throw the baby out with the bath. And don't become a bull in a china shop.

By this, I mean don't give up hope of having her in your life and you in hers. And don't boldly confront your suspicion, as this will strengthen the wall between you. Seek professional help to guide you into and through what challenges both of you.

For information about helping your daughter or son in an abusive relationship, see Stop Abuse before it spirals out of control. Dr. Jeanne helps individuals and families recognize and end intimate partner abuse. Copyright 2009 Jeanne King, Ph.D. http://www.EndDomesticAbuse.org/helping_stop_abuse.php

Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. - Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention