It is often said that the relationships one engages in reveal a lot about one's character but I beg to differ and to approach it the other way: the relationships one gets into help to shape one's character. Character comes from experiences, it is who we are and who we are develops from what we brush onto. There is a story of a woman who from childhood had dreams about becoming a very powerful, successful and intelligent wife, lover, mother and business woman all moulded in one. Such dreams propelled her to pursue her studies, relationships and search for information with such vigour. She was considered top of the range by her peers until she got into an abusive relationship. Being in an abusive relationship is toxic to say the least. One loses their identity as their confidence is shattered. Spending several years in an abusive relationship alters one's character in two ways:
(a) As long as one is trying to protect themselves from harm and further abuse, a sense of self is lost. A battle of the mind ensues where; means and ways are devised in order to charm the abuser in a bid to change the status quo. One could throw away their values and adopt mechanisms such as lying, cheating and faking in order to appease the abuser. It also becomes a way of numbing the pain and a solitary place for coping.
(b) If one receives support from society and is properly counselled, the situation in an abusive relationship could help develop resistance, a strong character that is unwavering, a fighting spirit driven by faith and hope in a better outcome. One woman who found herself in an abusive relationship for several years, started off on the deeper end where her character deteriorated as a response to abuse. She became bitter, hostile and of loose morals in a bid to numb the pain. Her relationships with the world at large were tainted by a desire to protect herself from further harm. As a result she could not properly distinguish good intent from bad intent. She picked and got involved with the wrong people as her judgement had been clouded by this incident of abuse in her life. She went about mistreating and hurting other people with the same intensity that she felt abused and therefore her character was badly damaged and her reputation was far from good.
However, as she received counselling and support from society and her friends and relatives, coupled with spiritual guidance and exposure, she began to transform. Gradually, she began to renew her mind, her thoughts, her attitudes and thus her character. Despite the prevalence of abuse and its persistence in her life, she became much stronger to the extent of fighting off the abuse in a psychological way. The abuser was caught off guard as this strong willed woman emerged and began to challenge the abuser, and to clean up her life and to develop a better and stronger character. She learnt to love and trust again against the odds of persistent abuse, to the extent that the abuser was overpowered by her new attitude, strong will and strong character. Within a short space of time, this woman was transformed in a way that began to rub off on other people.She started counselling and helping other people who found themselves in the same situation that she had been.
Mosline Farawu is an Internet Marketer who likes to share daily observations and commentaries made in the news and society. Her compilation of daily observations can be found on her blog at: http://www.observationseveryday.com
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