We hear a lot about the "he said, she said" when it comes to relationship violence. The challenge for advocates and interventionists is to accurately ascertain, not only "who did what" but even more revealing, what are the underlying dynamics inspiring the altercations between the parties?
There are some clear distinctions between classic "intimate partner violence" and "interactional relationship abuse."
1) Classic intimate partner abuse is one-way. That is the control dynamic within the relationship is consistently in one direction: from the empowered person in the relationship to the un-empowered person in the relationship.
Whereas in interactional relationship violence, the control dynamics are ever shifting between the two individuals. While there is an unequal distribution of power within the relationship at any given time, that distribution varies. One day the controlling party is person A, and the next day it can be person B.
2) The tendency to externalize blame is also shared by both individuals within the relationship (characterized by interactional abuse). For example, when there is an altercation, the battering person will insist that his/her physical and/or verbal emotional abuse is due to something done by his/her partner.
Whereas in classic intimate partner violence, the externalization of blame goes from the battering partner to the battered partner. And while engaged in the abuse dynamic, both people believe-on some level-that the battered person carries the responsibility for the violence.
3) The possessiveness and jealously that are characteristic of these relationships is also two-sided in interactional violence. Both people will evidence intense jealously of the other's display of affections toward third parties. And both individuals hold the right to possess the other, dictating how he/she spends his/her time, energy, attention and resources.
Whereas in classic intimate partner abuse, the abuser will exhibit excessive jealously and possessive control, and the victim will not. In fact, both of the individuals will more likely credit the dominating individual in the relationship with unwavering entitlement rights.
If you are in an abusive relationship, or are a witness to one, be mindful of this distinction between classic intimate partner abuse and interactional relationship violence. Your doing so will assist you in dealing with the abuse dynamics and securing the proper intervention.
For more information about the dynamics of abusive relationships, I invite you to check out educational and healing domestic abuse resources for survivors, advocates and loved ones. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps individuals, families and advocates recognize and end domestic abuse. ?2009 Jeanne King, Ph.D. http://www.EndDomesticAbuse.org/ebooks.php
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