Nothing is better than nonsense – a short message.

I know that the title reads in this way-"crap is the best". But that's not what it means.

There is a popular saying goes-"something is better than nothing."

And we all know what that means.

But have you thought of this-

There is nothing better than a day with something that RUBBISH (Abusive) is in your life.

The meaning of the words of nonsense-essence of little or no influence or utilities.

The meaning of the words list of abuse – dishonor, violate, to cheat, physical abuse, abuse of natural rights.

Actually abusing relationship returns the relationship as nonsense, if it is not worth, value or interest.

Therefore

Nothing is better than in a "crap" relationship with a person who repeatedly commit crimes and hurts you.

Have no relationship is better than "nonsense" relationship with the person you love operates.

After marriage is no better than one with a spouse who is emotionally abuse you.

After marriage is no better than one with a husband who physically abuse you.

Many a times you can stay in a relationship than abused because you think it is safer to be beaten or emotionally abused in a "known" relationship than go for a new relationship that "unknown" and therefore unsafe. The fear of the unknown that prevents you from making a selection. That is why get stuck with says that something, even if they are insulting and hence nonsense, it's better than nothing.

If you've tried and tried and cannot be disabled in an abusive man your loving one and then it was time to move on. If you repeatedly misled, disrespected, humbled by your boy friend girl and it was time to end the relationship, or opt for marriage.

So I would say – not the relationship is better than a "crap-violent relationship.

This is a short message to all those people who decide to stay in abusive relationships.  It's time to change that.  It's time to break free!

EFT can help cure.

Here is an article about healing from an abusive relationship-http://www.eftfree.net/2010/03/09/healing-a-breakup/

PS-Children be affected when a parent emotionally or physically abusive to the other parent.

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Holidays and abusive relationships

The holidays can be an enormous tension for many of us.  But for those who are in a violent relationship, indescribable for those who have ever.  For one, can't imagine what life is like without those ghosts in my life.  But I'm much stronger person because of them.

I've tried to explain to a friend of mine years ago what living with an abusive spouse be if-and remember not understanding.  This also do not understand why it took me so long to get out of the relationship (s).  Then look years later, while speaking in many classes for domestic violence and for crowds of my past, I really.   Try to explain "life in the dark" to someone who had never experienced such a dreadful detail is really like French speaking to someone who understands English only.  It's great what you may have never experienced such abuses, but hopefully it will also show what compassion for those who are in the hands of the samples suffer.  Really not until you get them about healthy relationships, constraints, self-esteem tell, what happens when «lightbulb».

Same thing happened to me.  This is where I found freedom.

Awareness is the key to this terrible disease.  Please read below about public holidays and abusive relationships an article I wrote on tweakers.net and control that the really cool PSA had Kenny Wallace with high school sweetheart, he married years ago!  For one, really I appreciated!  Merry Christmas everyone!

Holidays and abusive relationships

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How to help a friend in an abusive relationship

Last June, rural students were silenced by shock and sadness at news of the murder of UVA lacrosse star Yeardley Love landscape. Article after the article was about puppies on the Internet about the relationship of love and George Huguely, many claims was indicative evidence that violent mood will result in serious danger. However, what we need, above all, keep on this indicative signs to avoid tragic end remained unanswered.

Heartbreaking death of love gained considerable media attention. The fact that two collegiate athletes enrolled at a prestigious University, participated in a destructive and terrible event has been blown up in the minds of the media. Stormy relationship, soaked with alcohol fuels fight, is far from exceptional.

Here, at least 32% of the women involved in a violent relationship of any kind. Although the abuse can be categorized as physical or emotional, equally worrying whether in the form. The stories of abuse will never match the lid of the popular magazine or number one on Google trends. However, they are so much attention and concern as a relationship of love and of Huguely.

Abusive relationships are tricky, especially at this age. There are my funds to universities in order to protect the victims of the terrible results. However, Students are often too scared to tell about partners or partner, friend, because social consequences would be horrible.

For example, was a friend of mine a guy dating for several months. After a debaucherous in the night he "accidentally" the whole face. At the time of the event, was livid. I've talked with her and begged for him to leave, but I did nothing but that. went to AA, claiming he had caused the problems of alcohol, and has vowed to never hurts again my friend.

While he tried to reform of his life, she remained with him. I stayed behind their relationship, really, to believe that he will never touch the bad as stayed sober. However, he is drinking again (largely) and his girlfriend doesn't seem concerned. This is not a violent towards her from the first event. However, sometimes feared he would stop and attack again.

Such situations are particularly vulnerable. A misstep and shatter your friend trust. It is therefore important to know what to do when a friend is prepared with an unhealthy relationship.

Go directly to this first discussing your opinion (and worry) about the link. Ask whether they deserve. Power to consider the pros and cons of the relationship. If the emotionally abused, gently remind you that this is just as oppressive as something natural. Force securities outside the emotions and talk about the relationship can be extremely loud.

Intervenes when things physical violence, there is a point that, as a friend and support you need to participate. This usually means taking a step further than talking to your friend. Speak with a friend, stick to when he publicly deterioration occurs. If he hits the negatives for you to say something. Not only will this increase in attention to treatment, but doing so will others as well.

Serious threats when he drunk yells or hard texts your friend, not antiparerchontai. Refuse to go home at night. It is an annoying cockblock. This morning, we will be grateful.

Stay away from drugs in the case of the Yeardley love, her friends did as thought they could. Yeardley broke with Huguely and had himself released from the yoke. However, as is typical in this Parliament, Huguely commented in a mood and a ton of alcohol. In this kind of relations, it is important to help your friend to stay away from drugs or alcohol-influenced their EXEs and completely cut off.

Don't be afraid to get help for it professionals campus resources students (especially women help), face violence relationship must not lightweight. And, to bring out the big guns, really the future of your friend. Yes, it can be a burden and brings you in a terrible position. But this can also blind to see how completely unhealthy and frightening is the relationship. And your job is to instill courage – and support – inside.

If you are not sure how to go from a friend who is involved in an abusive relationship, please call your campus resource center. Or, call the national domestic violence Hotline. Can you professional advice to help you and your friend without having to do with social avoids that occur when you can achieve a fellow student is expelled or suspended. However, when you drove a line is physically, they must immediately notify your University — before they escalate.

Let us know it's not just remind her that she can let the relationship — that this is not to say man — and not feel abandoned or lost. Because at the end of the day, it has to fall back, and it is up to your courage and support system.

Prepare to lose a friend sometimes, your friend can be so blind to the reality of the relationship that she refuses to hear. Sometimes, the refusal to grant a hate. You can't predict what will happen when you deal with your friend? All you do is sharing your love and concern and hope that they accept it.

It might be to act as some superwoman, endangering yourself for your friend. But when you care enough about someone, at the end.

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Relationship deal-breaker: When women False accusations and threaten to call the police

This article describes why false accusations of abuse and threats to the police to call with your girlfriend or wife is unfair, because certain high-conflict and personality disordered women exercise of these behaviors and why it must be a clear indication that you need to protect yourself from further abuse and probably the end of the relationship.

Here's the link:

The Ultimate relationship deal-breaker for men: False accusations and threaten to call the police

Yours sincerely

Dr. Tara j. Pal mat Irishman, PsyD

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The spirit of Swiss cheese

15 December 2009 by starofseshat

It was an extremely difficult week. Today feel a slight lift, probably a hormonal driven; not often that a hormonal til helps you cope, normally your hormones and beat your drag when you need at least one beaten.

I have my reading recent enlargement. I love Wollstonecraft A vindication of the rights of women! I'm intrigued by the revelation of divine love Julian Norwich, and tickled by Blavatsky Isis unveiled.

Framed photo I have for my birthday earlier this year, which is now on my desk for me. Is a German Abbess who quietly and anonymous the pave the way for me as a child. The warmly smiling calmly, and with love for someone to stand near the photographer. This is an old photo. Is now dead and was at the funeral where I saw photos of the coffin is surrounded by flowers, it is meant for people to pray during the dead for 3 days. I was too young to see. I wish now that I had.

When you view the paths in life and directions, one thing that I learned to investigate the other people who are attracted to this path. Often they told me that "you need to improve the quality of the person who you hang out ' Round me!" This is certainly something that I have achieved and Danny stay for abuse and toxic friends, untruthful people and managers. I can get my friends around me now look (true), both meat and they met virtually through the Internet and I count myself very fortunate.

I am so often filled with a melancholy that takes you to my and my cavities. Today I by a splendid nostalgia of moments in my childhood impression on me was really the only good times. If I have not been taken by the German Abbess would then I have no good memories at all times when not feel safe and acceptable. It inspires me. And the journey inspires me, because there was no separation between the spiritual path that ran through life. Everything was a. This is the greatest lesson had learned – purely as an example, without words, tests or commands for obedience. It is definitely a great thing to have been inspired by a path from the browbeaten in obedience to follow?

There are very few truly inspiring people in life, but there are enough if you look and also accept their human fallibility. Perfection, is, in my opinion, exclusive and inspiring rejects those of us with errors and back souls. As an artist (whose name I can't remember!) says, is "Art how wrong things as opposed to how to do things wrong. And Navajo Indians weavers always a "bug" is performed from the outside to the spirit of the workpiece to flow in and out, to avoid this trap.

I think we need a lot of spirit flows in and out of me, my mistakes make an effect of Swiss cheese ... I wonder how rodents ...

Posted in witchcraft, friends, spirituality, paganism, correction, a day in the life, increase awareness, love, blessings, abusive relationships, memories, happiness, Liebe | Let a CommentBe I would first of all, this post.

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The phone

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Tracey finally called today right about the time I was getting out of bed. It was such a relief to hear her voice again and just talk. Unfortunately, she is still in a really bad place with this depression and that stupid son of a bitch she is trying to get rid of. She told me some things about him that just really pissed me off because of the way he was treating her. The guy is a text book case abuser without a doubt like I’ve probably written many times before in here. I think Tracey is finally realizing that and finally ready to take the next step to break things off for good and get him out of her life. However Trace is still weak from all the emotional abuse so she really needs professional help to carry it through I think. I am trying to get her to get in touch with the domestic abuse people to help her. Her counselor actually set her up in a domestic abuse group too which I think will help.

I wish I could do more to help her through all of this. I mean she really is in such a bad place. If I had my apartment still –I’d let her stay there as long as she needed to avoid the guy but I don’t have it anymore. I wish I had my car so I could stay with her some too because she really needs somebody there with her for a little while given her emotional state. She doesn’t want to go to the hospital and I cannot say I blame her at all –those places are always a zoo and don’t really help at all. I don’t want to see her go through the indignity of that or worse yet being forced to.

When me and Trace hung up this afternoon, the police were back out there and I don’t know why or who called. I just hope they don’t “tdo” her or something because I think that would be counterproductive. She does need some professional help but she needs the dignity of getting that for herself –not by brute force. She’s not in the state I was where I was psychotic so it’s not like she cannot help herself. I’ve been through the system enough to know that brute force shit just leads to defiance and that leads to people not taking care of themselves like they should like Bill was from years of that stuff. In my case it just made me suicidal for months on end ..years on end and I tried quite a few times. Why create a situation like that?

I think Trace will be ok if she just gets some specific help for her depression and the domestic stuff as well as some group therapy and counseling. Think also she needs different medications until they find something that works. I think if she surrounds herself with some good friends and focuses on doing stuff she will come through in the long run. Right now, she’s just so torn down inside and she can’t see the top or anything at all so that’s why she really needs intense emotional support from people other than a just a boyfriend.

I think she equates a boyfriend with filling all her emptiness when in reality doing that comes from focusing on one’s self and doing things one enjoys and that means something. I mean it’s nothing wrong with having a boyfriend but she really needs to have her own life and friends too apart from that. I think all too often she puts all her eggs in one basket emotionally and when it turns out like it is now —she’s a total wreck. I don’t know if I will ever get her to see this and sometimes I don’t know how to convey this to her. Maybe a professional or group of them can. It’s just a matter of taking the first steps and not giving up in her case.

I think Tracey is a basically a good honest caring person with a lot to offer but she just can’t see it right now. I know we’ve had our ups and down and I’ve felt hurt something because of my feelings for her but I still love her and sometimes I just hurt myself thinking too much about shit. I guess I’ve done it through the last few days in here and then some lately but at least I keep that private to myself don’t badger her about it like this guy she dated does. My problem is just my own insecurities and fears that I’ll lose her as my friend if certain things happen. I wish she knew that and knew I never stopped loving her believing her though sometimes I lost sight of the good we have and had at times.

Anyway, I think Tracey needs to see the good in herself because there is a lot more good than bad. I’ve always known that even in our darkest hours between. Trace certainly had made such a big impact on my life and given me so much good even though we’ve had some bad and tense times too. I think she needs to hear some of her good not just from me but from other friends too so she can see what a difference she has made in so many people’s lives in a good way. I think sometimes she focuses too much on a “significant other” rather than on herself and her friends and what good she has beyond a romantic relationship. I think she needs to realize she needs to be healthy herself before she gets involved with someone else that way and she needs to be healthy enough to dump someone like this latest guy for treating her horrible. I hate to say it but she seems like she is drawn to abusive people and she doesn’t let go upon the first red flags and it gets worse and worse like now with this latest guy.

I guess I can’t say anything much though because I am a basket case a lot over Tracey and other things in general in my life. I guess I feel guilty trying to give her hope and faith when sometimes I can’t manage my own damn affairs very well. But then it’s like I just feel so sad seeing her having to go through this kind of shit regardless of my own life and affairs emotionally. I mean if I can’t make it or I crash –at least I don’t want to see her do it too. I’d rather see her have hope and faith at any cost regardless of my own situation.

If my feelings for Trace are causing me hurt like it has at times lately, I’d rather she never know because I don’t want to be adding that to her plate –that’s why I write in this journal a lot rather than talk about that stuff with her –she’s got enough to deal with. Thing is, Trace has so often given me hope and faith and a reason to keep at the madness life can be. Have I gotten really down about things because of my feelings about her –yes –but that’s my thing –not hers to need to deal with. I do not want to be a drag on her life especially now no matter what I feel. I guess that is just the way I love her –she comes first to me for the most part.

Of course, I realize I have to take care of myself too but the point is ..we are not in an abusive relationship so it’s like I don’t question putting her first even if it hurts sometimes. Maybe I am wrong and this is codependent but what else can I say? I am trying to focus more on my own life and things I enjoy and meeting other people but I still feel the same way about her anyway. I can’t just turn her away or walk away completely like some people can. Why should I? She’s not using me like some people have said and I know she would not knowingly or intentionally do that –that’s not her. Whatever is wrong with us –I always know it’s not intentional and thought out and planned –it’s just Trace being herself.

I think a lot of people like to jump on that co-dependency wagon when in reality in my opinion –every relationship has a degree of dependency on one another. All these new fangled social engineers want to act like you can have a utopian relationship and you can’t. It’s always give and take and dependence emotionally between people –the question is –is that healthy or normal or is it abusive and caustic and in the case with me and Tracey I don’t think so. I think we’re just two people trying to find what works for each other and sometimes we end up in emotional fireworks because of it but we always find a way to talk and get past it. That is one reason I do love her so much. Most people, especially girls, I ever had a beef with just wrote me off and it was gone -we never talked it out or had another chance. Trace always gave me that in one way or another. How can I not love her and give as much of myself to her as I can?

I think sometimes me and Trace cannot see eye to eye on our emotions and feelings and sometimes that does hurt as it has a lot lately about this guy of hers. That does not mean I give up on her or want to trash her or kill her or anything though. I know sooner or later we’ll get through whatever it is between us somehow. Does the fact that we cannot go to the next level bother me sometimes –yeah it does but then I see those relationships and I am like maybe that is a good thing. I also think in many ways Tracey does not want to risk losing our friendship over a shot at a relationship even though I’d love her regardless of what happened. I would always be her friend though maybe it might take some time if you did have some nasty break-up. But, I doubt we’d ever have a completely nasty breakup anyway if we did get involved and it failed.

Does it hurt sometimes to be precluded from a relationship with Tracey –yes it does because you always feel that place inside no matter how much you turn it off –it will always prop up from time to time. I think the hurt for me just comes from the fact that I feel like if she gets somebody decent –we’ll lose what we have as friends which is sort of ironic in a way I guess. We kind of did in a way on and off when she was fooling around with this latest guy –not real bad because I wasn’t around a lot for awhile but lately –yeah it got in the way major time. I just don’t want to lose the companionship and love I felt with her and if a person gets close to somebody else you are ultimately going to lose a lot of that just by the nature of things. I think that is my greatest fear –being like it was when she got married and I had to let her go and she was gone forever as it seemed at the time. I mean we sent cards here and there but it wasn’t the same as having a girl to hug and hang out with and just talk to for hours and share stuff.

I think I am going to try to get out more and meet people more so maybe I can get some balance in my life and stop being such a burden to her and being so attached too. I am not giving her up but I feel like she wants me to find someone else to fill that void beyond our friendship. I have no idea if it will ever happen but all I can do is try for her and me too really. I will never stop being her friend but I think I just need to accept we cannot ever go beyond that and having those unrequited feelings there just become a drag on me and her too sometimes when I get mixed up inside. I think that would take some weight off of Tracey and me too if I was successful. It’s just so hard given my less than stellar circumstances these days. Then there is that whole “starting over” thing to deal with as you build a new relationship. I don’t know –I guess that’s why it I wish it could be Trace cause we already have that past us.

I wonder why the hell I just can never seem to meet a woman I like that likes me and whom I can share mutual feelings with. I don’t want a one night stand and I don’t want someone hovering me either or being too clingy but I would like to meet somebody. I think the kind of woman I would like is someone who is independent and who doesn’t “have to have a man” and can take care of herself but would also like some companionship and commit to someone to share that. I think a lot of these damn women today “got to have a man” or they want to cling all over you or they want to be a sex femme or something. I like a woman who has her own life but wants to care a place out for you to share something meaningful but who gives you space and needs her space but who is not going to be sleeping around behind your back and shit. I am not sure it’s possible to find somebody like that. I really am not sure it’s even remotely possible.

It’s so goddamn funny, I did that stupid eHarmony thing last night and it turns out the same way it did years ago when I did it. The thing says “our matching system cannot find you a match” like you are some loser who is so polarized nobody can love you. I was so disappointed and depressed yet I was laughing at it too because it’s so ridiculous –how can you say, there is no way you can find a person that matches you on some level? I mean are all these people on that site icky fucking people. I bet they got tons of people like that guy Tracey got hooked up with –abusive and crazy …but no match for me?

I am done with those online dating sites –they’re such a fucking waste of time. I don’t have money to do the bar circuit either and I don’t really want to do it anyway. I wish there was a way to meet people without all the bullshit. The singles group was ok but I never much found anyone that I was attracted to and who would remotely be attracted to me. I can’t get in gear to do half the shit the group does either and the one thing I did regularly has kind of fizzled out these days.

I just wish I could do something with one of my interests where I could also meet likeminded people with similar interests and not always be doing the bar scene to do it. I mean I don’t mind the bar scene sometimes but I am too old to want to do that shit night after night like I did in college. I’d like something no so alcohol focused. I mean I like to drink some socially but I don’t want be around a bunch of drunks and all that babble drunks do. There is a time and place for that but it should not be a regular thing all the time. People will say and do anything when they’re drunk. It would be nice to do something sober or with very limited drinking where you can be real and not just an extension of alcohol. My brother does that shit when he drinks and I hate it. Do something real, say something you’ll remember tomorrow, play some music if you drink and create something decent at least –not just waste away.

I guess all this sounds funny coming from someone who enjoys drinking a lot beer but in my case I don’t usually get too drunk if at all and I don’t just drink either. I will write like now or I will play some music or listen to some music and I will go to bed most of the time at a reasonable hour. I get up in the morning and work and most of the time I am not hung over or washed out. The days of doing that drinking thing are gone for me for the most part. I did that shit and wasted so much in college. I did it when the mania set in, in 2005 and it wrecked my life —now I try to be much more careful and watchful of myself. I can’t afford to let that shit drive me down the path it did before in 2005. It ain’t worth it.

It’s funny, last night I thought about getting up today and going to the Unitarian church again after like a 3 or four year hiatus. I don’t know, I was a little afraid because of something I wrote and shared years ago with someone there. I am not sure they ever read it and it wasn’t really bad but it was embarrassing and very personal. Needless to say, I am always afraid to go now because of that. But then it’s like I really do need to go back. I did get so much good from that church and it did help so much in giving me a sense of peace. I guess I was frustrated that I couldn’t get more involved and meet more people but it still was good for me none the less. I really do miss it.

Tracey said she wanted to go to the Unitarian church and I’d like to go with her because I think it would do both of us so much good. I don’t know what to do. I hope the person I sent that link to never read it but I don’t know. I guess it’s just embarrassing –my raw emotions and stuff in what I sent a link to. Again, it wasn’t bad but it was just so openly intimate and I always feel like if they were read –I’d look so “crazy” and “weird” and might freak somebody out. That’s the only reason I stopped going. I guess I was frustrated too because I never seemed to make friends or get close to anybody and then there was the stupid cross dressing thing too –I just felt like I didn’t belong even though I probably belong more so than anybody in a way. The belonging thing was a part of it. So many there are so liberal and “green” and all that stuff and here I am this really different person that goes in all directions. I can’t explain it but then like I said —I really miss it. It was the one place I related to as far as church goes even if I didn’t agree or relate to everything.

I really would like to share that experience with Tracey because I think she really would finally find a place –a church that works for her and I think it could give her the same peace it gave me so many times. I think she’d probably relate even more than I do and I just really would like to sort of go with her the first time and introduce her I guess. I guess it would be bonding moment with her if we did because I do love her and it would make me feel so good to be able to introduce her to something that might change her life in a big way for the better like she did when she gave me music.

Going to the church again would also help me go back too and get past all that fear and embarrassment over what happened a few years ago –something that probably never was even read anyway. I guess I should really put some effort in to doing instead of just thinking about it or talking about it. I mean I should just get my car fixed and pick her up or meet her there and just be there so she didn’t feel so alone and neither did I. I mean it’s not like you feel alone really but you do in a way the first time so it’s nice to have a friend with you. I did it all on my own and it was not bad at all –I really like them and I miss that church being a part of my life. I would’ve never survived New Kent if not for that church. It was my little piece of peace in mid-week and on Sundays sometimes when I could make it. I don’t know. A part of me felt so much a part of it but then sometimes in my madness I felt alone and like I didn’t belong but it was not anything anybody did or said –that was just me questioning my own self and faith.

Well I guess I’ll close here. I’ve written far too much as it is for one entry again.

SEE Y!

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Engines from

23, 2009 by starofseshat

Last night I dreamt that I climb through the Woods on a hill-top crowned with trees. I saw that the Earth had turned to light sand. I once had overcome the tops with both my desire that I Cried. There was a stone circle that I entered. What happened in one of the company, but if I am outside the circle that I got proclaimed, "I choose life!"

The following spoke: Mr Michael McIntyre, an additional version of concert did to North where a member of the audience is filled every stereotype of Yorkshire including flat lid. Just walked on stage and MM yawped, "Hulloooo", the man stood up and said, "not for me," and to the left of the theatre.

I had a similar experience yesterday when you read an account of a woman from a magical ritual sex. The least knowledge you have something more that you can smooth the edges with your imagination, you can dream of strength and fantasize that you Excel, exceed and showed the aura person with a mission to only those you know so little about.

There are enormous differences between who you are, who you think should be, you want to be, that life have intervened ... It is extremely frustrating when exercising the need, and can keep bumping obstacles and wasting your time trying to really red, the ocean, so instead of learning to swim sit on the coast and the reality in waves to turn red prepared before you ever take a step to the waters.

Some things just aren't for me.

I've been annoyed read how someone engaged in the occupation the layoffs has this tradition/path? had a condescending tone of this Palestinian path and little people – Oh how this desire to make a person Little but the phone was much higher. I'm sure a few times in my life the same feeling is gone and my lips must have both a tosser sounded like it did.

Back in the 1980s postmodern relativism was all the rage, especially so, when I social anthropology in the 1990s studied: what could be wrong in one culture might be wrong, and vice versa-is there an absolute moral or our choices and social structures depends entirely out of context? Sex with a young girl in a society considered rape, is another admission ... The precipitation of PM relativism is that much (which is good) has deconstructed but leave us without the tools for the reconstruction of something better.

In many ways I think LHP remains the deconstruction of ethics and standards, and I think that is good. However, I'm starting to question where people go from there. By that I don't criticize a group or a person. I mean from my view I have deconstructed much within me and my years or so of madness deconstructed what was on my left hand, so you can see how volatile personality is, changing our likes and dislikes and (important) our moral absolute in the head of a PIN-code. in points (as our internal borders are sufficiently liquid) we can from black and white designation to proclaim and there is no contradiction or an inner resistance to this false dichotomy.

But then what? Once this is done easily deconstructed (especially if you do this trend) to detect after trip each other as wires through the waves in the pneumatical motor boat. What is the hurry? Is the destination destination or the trip? It is always on the other side of the horizon of the Shangri-La? Or is here and now, motor off, sensitization extend to taking the waters and the sky, birds and fish, coastline and visible part of the machine but felt as if you're a lapping Ocean v land of your lover?

Some decisions are taken. find some decisions you make. And that's okay to share your thoughts – attention you prohibits to develop, change and explore, to change the person insists on keeping the same mind for ever and ever.

© 2010 StarofSeshat

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Fortunately, instead of you?

While clearly there is no widespread peace on earth today is, just a few hours last night was definitely my little corner of peace in the world. Baked with Greens on the grid, fireplace, the fountain with the dancing waters run the monologue, and I had the iPod to play soft music. This short time, I found a place of recreation and relaxation, shelter a favorite gift-my time with my husband. Suddenly, my attention was that the song is playing in the background. This is a song from the 1980s, "they know it's Christmas" a/k/a "Feed the world". Many of us remember that this musical event was a project to save starving people live in Africa. The crème de la crème of musicians and singers were to participate. I've heard words of that song many times, but for some strange reason, this time they caught my attention: "thank God it's them instead of you."Really? This is fortunately for them, instead of me is someone who is homeless, hungry, and suffering from diseases that are long, long ago taken? I was a little, thinking a conversation with God:

"Shouldn't we hope you will find freedom, peace and joy with us, instead of you and thank you we are here not the victim?" message reminded me of the words Billie Holiday sang in God bless the child.

The message also reminded me how often we hear or, better you than me, "when some unpleasant or, worse, a terrifying experience. As a defender of domestic violence-awareness, resonated within my soul, while reading or viewing a television broadcast coming from another attack of domestic violence, or God forbid, another murder, how often someone else take the same attitude: "Better them than I am." holiday season is a time of year when running rampant domestic violence. I hope that you will do all what it might be to just a few meters walk in shoes of the victim, and ask God that we can do to make a difference. We can pray ... for peace and security. Dare I think read this post, see wake up this morning, Christmas in a phone call you to tell your daughter, sister or mother to the hospital as a result of an attack by their spouse or intimate partner has haste. Many will wake up on Christmas morning, a huge hole in their heart – a gap which can never be completed because a loved both deep was Snatched from them much too early, and violent manner.

It is Christmas. The words sung in the heavens was joy to the world, peace on Earth and goodwill to all men. An unexpected combination of singers, David Bowie dumping Crosby increased as well. To watch the videos, click here:

Bowie & dumping-Little drummer Boy video

I've seen and experienced great despair and sadness this holiday season, but I pray everything can be that the real experience Christmas in their hearts. So, in the words of a Tiny Tim, my prayer is that the whole world:

THE THEOS BLESS US ALL

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Study: Dating violence is common among teens

As if it were not enough to fear when it comes to the teenage years, a new study reveals that violence rendez-vous — both physical and verbal — among adolescents is surprisingly common. In addition, were adolescents who reported violence against girlfriends or boyfriends also likely to have committed acts of violence against friends, family members and others.

"The majority of the students who were violent to their partners agreements were generally violent. They weren't picking their appointment partners especially for violence, "said Emily f. Rothman, lead researcher and associate professor at Boston University School of Public Health. (More on youtube.com: complex political intimidation Tween)

For the research investigated researchers 1398 students from 22 high schools in Boston city in 2008. Asked students to indicate that the number of times during the last month had perpetrated violence against colleagues, family members or persons involved with a romantic.

Overall, almost 19% of students reported physical abuse romantic partner during the previous month, including push, push, hitting, punching, kicking or cut. Approximately 43% reported verbally abusing their partner, swearing or inviting them with fat, ugly, stupid, or other attacks. (More on youtube.com: study: ' Hyper-Texting ' Had Sex, teens are more likely to have tried drugs)

Pupils with siblings, more girls (61%) by boys (51 percent) acknowledged using that some form of violence against another person, with violence committed against romantic partners more boys girls. But both boys and girls, tend to an act of romantic partner overlaps with the possibility of using violence against brothers and sisters and age.

As reported by HealthDay:

The study has some caveats, however. Students — nearly 80 percent of whom were black or potential — only came from public high schools. Those who were recently from excluded and findings were items. Also incentives were not considered, as is unknown or teens acted in self defense.

In addition, said that the results can help people living with teenagers detection appointment violence work, Rothman. "This study supports the idea that we must go for children committed violent with siblings and peers and address violent behaviour in General," he said.

Researchers theorized that dates back to violence only one of several problem behaviour was-such as carrying a weapon, academic difficulty and substance misuse — who is logged on by teenagers. Who would have run into legal trouble or small arms have taken and the tombs of school is likely to report violent behavior, such as dating was teenagers who witness violence in their communities. (More on youtube.com: study: more prone to risky sex of teenage girls teen boys)

New study published in the December issue of the archives of Pediatrics and adolescent medicine.

Related links:

16 and pregnant: Teens tuned-in is disabled of teen pregnancy

Too many One-night stands? Blame your genes

Gay teens getting heavier penalties of schools, enforcement, study reveals

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10 Christmas and holiday gift ideas for woman abuse from your life

There is a new article on http://www.shrink4men.com/. Offers a parody of the usual Christmas and holiday gift guide. This guide gives gift gallows humor offers suggestions on what to buy for abusive spouses, girlfriends and exes this holiday season.

Here's the link:

Top 10 Christmas gifts for your Abusive, High-conflict wife or girlfriend

Yours sincerely

Dr. Tara j. Pal mat Irishman, PsyD

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How serious trauma can affect relations

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The following article, written by Dr. Kathleen Young, talks about patients with dissociative identity disorder (aka multiple personality disorder). When reading this article, I noticed that DID bears some resemblance to borderline personality disorder. The article also seems to be directed at those who are survivors of domestic violence. But there are some observations made here that I think can apply to anyone who has survived any type of traumatic experience or abusive relationship:

We all need connection. Interdependence, mutual relationships are crucial for our well being. However, for those who have experienced severe childhood trauma, relationships were also the source of betrayal, wounding and abuse. What does this mean then for those who have been severely abused by parents or caretakers as children? Or those who have dissociated, losing awareness of some aspects of early relationships? For example, those with dissociative identity disorder (DID) may have some parts of their system who only know about the “good mother” while others hold the memories of abuse and/or neglect.  In this way, dissociation can make evaluating who is healthy or safe and who is not more difficult.  This results in obvious and multiple complications in forming and maintaining later relationships.

Some types of relationship difficulties clients of mine describe fairly often include:

Feeling so wounded and mistrustful of people in general it doesn’t feel worth the risk to attempt connections. This results in extreme isolation and loneliness.The belief or fear that there is something so “bad” about oneself that it will harm/destroy anyone you get close to.Premature attaching to others, disclosing sensitive/a great deal of  information about oneself before assessing how safe a choice the other is.Inability to fully assess potential friends and romantic partners due to dissociation. Missing “red flags” due to dissociation, different parts holding information.Experiencing kind, safe, gentle people/relationships as boring, undesirable or frightening.Sabotaging relationships (for example picking a fight) when things are going smoothly or feeling “too” close. This may be a way to get distance, push away or about seeing what happens. For example, if a friend or partner (or therapist) gets angry at you, will they become violent or abusive like childhood figures did?Extreme care taking or people pleasing.  Do you feel like you must suppress your needs/feelings in the service of taking care of others? Do you feel like you must shift who you are in order to be loved/approved of by others around you?Additional adult abusive relationships. You may find yourself in other abusive relationships: with friends, romantic partners or even helping professionals.

How does this happen? How do survivors wind up in unhealthy relationships and what can be done about it?

Imago relationship theory suggests that we wind up repeating early relationship dynamics because we are drawn  to potential partners who are an amalgam of the significant characteristics (positive and negative) of our early caretakers. This explains why children of alcoholics so often wind up partnering with alcoholics themselves as adults, for example. This is not completely bad news: the theory also holds that picking someone who fits this “imago” gives us the unique opportunity to work through our wounding and achieve a different outcome. However, this requires that we are aware enough of our own issues, ready and able to work on them and that our imago choice is not also abusive.  Instead of healing this could lead to re-enacting the abuse experiences with resulting  additional traumatization.

Attachment theory addresses the vulnerabilities abuse survivors face when attempting to form later relationships. Bessel A. van der Kolk, MD describes a “vulnerability to traumatic bonding” for those severely abused in childhood:

People who are exposed early to violence or neglect come to expect it as a way of life. They see the chronic helplessness of their mothers and fathers’ alternating outbursts of affection and violence; they learn that they themselves have no control. As adults they hope to undo the past by love, competency, and exemplary behavior. When they fail they are likely to make sense out of this situation by blaming themselves. When they have little experience with nonviolent resolution of differences, partners in relationships alternate between an expectation of perfect behavior leading to perfect harmony and a state of helplessness, in which all verbal communication seems futile. A return to earlier coping mechanisms, such as self-blame, numbing (by means of emotional withdrawal or drugs or alcohol), and physical violence sets the stage for a repetition of the childhood trauma and “return of the repressed.” [I would add to this another form of "numbing": dissociation!]

What does this mean? Too often survivors hear this as more condemnation of themselves, as proof somehow that there is something innately “bad” about them causing others to behave abusively. I want to emphasize strongly that this is not my experience or how I understand this information.

I see the “repetition compulsion” as an unconscious attempt to master that which went so awry, early abusive relationships. Like imago relationship theory suggests, we all function this way. We all seek to rework the ways we were wounded. The problem arises when those early experiences were severely abusive, leading us to pick another abuser.

Another piece of this puzzle involves understanding the dynamics of abusers. Many abusers are good at selecting “victims”. By that I mean that they can sense who is vulnerable. I believe many abusers test and see how far they can push boundaries and pick partners who will not notice early boundary violations or control tactics. Dissociation, the very thing that is life saving in childhood, can make you more vulnerable as an adult. How do you make good relationship choices if you do not have access to all the information about people in your life? Many clients with DID have described to me having no awareness of the abusive behavior of current people in their life. Only later would we unravel that they were switching to different parts (those used to handling such things) prior to a friend or partner starting to  behave in a way that was borderline abusive. If this information is split off it can impact your decision making and safety.

So what can you do? The answer really isn’t to avoid people altogether. Learning that not all relationships are like your early abusive ones is an important part of the healing process. How can you work on making informed relationship choices?

Avoid going to extremes. Neither isolation or premature, instant attachment are healthy for you. Learn to share of yourself with people in your life gradually, over time.Learn to hear and pay attention to your “inner voice”. This could be your intuition, your gut sense of something feeling not quite right with another person. This could also be the voices of other parts of you. Do not discount what they have to say without exploring it. Yes, some parts may have the job of warning you away from anyone, but there may be valid reason for concerns about an individual in your life.Get to know yourselves. Develop relationships with other parts of yourself. Learn to communicate with each other. Share information about people you are meeting, developing friendships or intimate relationships with.Do you already have someone in your life you trust? A friend? A therapist? Use them as a sounding board or reality check. Share what concerns you. Listen to feedback, especially if you tend to “forget” things that concerned you regarding the new person’s behavior.Remember that trust is something that is earned. Trust is built in relationships by experiencing each other over time. Pay attention to whether what others say and do matches up (or does not), look for consistency over time. Let yourself evaluate whether the relationship is mutual or one sided: do you each get a chance to talk, receive support and attention or does it seem to flow in one direction mostly?Learn how to sort out whether your reactions are present- or past-based.  Are you angry because someone has violated your boundaries now or are you reminded of past experiences?  Sometimes it is both!

We all deserve healthy relationships that nurture and support us. I’d love to hear your experiences: what works for you and where do you still struggle?

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