Friend's Abusive Relationship - How You Can Help Your Friend in an Abusive Relationship

When you are the friend of someone in an abusive relationship, stop and hold reverence for the blessing that you are. Why? You are the best person to help; that is, until you can get her/him to professional help.

We find when friends of domestic abuse survivors reach out on their friend's behalf, they are in the best position to create a positive outcome for the person being abused.

First of all, friends that still have access to domestic abuse survivors have the best leveraging ability...certainly more leveraging than parents of the abused.

By leveraging, I mean they can touch the life and soul of their battered friend using their friendship as the vehicle for their concern. Friends tend to come to the table with less baggage and far fewer hidden agendas than do the parents of the abused. At least, this is how the abused party perceives it.

So as a friend, how can you help your friend?

1) Maintain ongoing, and as usual, contact with your friend.

2) Give her/him access to you, especially emergency access should that be needed.

3) Suspend any and all judgment of your friend for being in the abusive relationship.

4) You serve as the trust factor and get a credible source to serve as the information resource and change agent.

5) Open eyes with information, but be mindful of the possible consequence of your being estranged from your friend by doing so.

6) Keep your feelings of frustration out of the picture, and lead from your love and concern.

7) Always know that change is an inside job and no one can, or should, take the role of change agent for another, unless that is one's profession and they have been recognized for such by the person longing for change.

Appreciate that you and your friend are blessed with your eyes being open. No matter what, don't give up on your friend. That's what friends are for...to be there when needed most! And always know you can influence the path of the silent insidious syndrome of domestic violence before it spirals out of control.

For more information about helping a friend in an abusive relationship, I invite you to check out Stop Domestic Abuse - Helping Others Break the Cycle, where you can also claim your free Survivor Success Tips and eInsights. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse at home and in court.

?2008 Jeanne King, Ph.D. http://www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com

How to help a friend in an abusive relationship

Last June, rural students were silenced by shock and sadness at news of the murder of UVA lacrosse star Yeardley Love landscape. Article after the article was about puppies on the Internet about the relationship of love and George Huguely, many claims was indicative evidence that violent mood will result in serious danger. However, what we need, above all, keep on this indicative signs to avoid tragic end remained unanswered.

Heartbreaking death of love gained considerable media attention. The fact that two collegiate athletes enrolled at a prestigious University, participated in a destructive and terrible event has been blown up in the minds of the media. Stormy relationship, soaked with alcohol fuels fight, is far from exceptional.

Here, at least 32% of the women involved in a violent relationship of any kind. Although the abuse can be categorized as physical or emotional, equally worrying whether in the form. The stories of abuse will never match the lid of the popular magazine or number one on Google trends. However, they are so much attention and concern as a relationship of love and of Huguely.

Abusive relationships are tricky, especially at this age. There are my funds to universities in order to protect the victims of the terrible results. However, Students are often too scared to tell about partners or partner, friend, because social consequences would be horrible.

For example, was a friend of mine a guy dating for several months. After a debaucherous in the night he "accidentally" the whole face. At the time of the event, was livid. I've talked with her and begged for him to leave, but I did nothing but that. went to AA, claiming he had caused the problems of alcohol, and has vowed to never hurts again my friend.

While he tried to reform of his life, she remained with him. I stayed behind their relationship, really, to believe that he will never touch the bad as stayed sober. However, he is drinking again (largely) and his girlfriend doesn't seem concerned. This is not a violent towards her from the first event. However, sometimes feared he would stop and attack again.

Such situations are particularly vulnerable. A misstep and shatter your friend trust. It is therefore important to know what to do when a friend is prepared with an unhealthy relationship.

Go directly to this first discussing your opinion (and worry) about the link. Ask whether they deserve. Power to consider the pros and cons of the relationship. If the emotionally abused, gently remind you that this is just as oppressive as something natural. Force securities outside the emotions and talk about the relationship can be extremely loud.

Intervenes when things physical violence, there is a point that, as a friend and support you need to participate. This usually means taking a step further than talking to your friend. Speak with a friend, stick to when he publicly deterioration occurs. If he hits the negatives for you to say something. Not only will this increase in attention to treatment, but doing so will others as well.

Serious threats when he drunk yells or hard texts your friend, not antiparerchontai. Refuse to go home at night. It is an annoying cockblock. This morning, we will be grateful.

Stay away from drugs in the case of the Yeardley love, her friends did as thought they could. Yeardley broke with Huguely and had himself released from the yoke. However, as is typical in this Parliament, Huguely commented in a mood and a ton of alcohol. In this kind of relations, it is important to help your friend to stay away from drugs or alcohol-influenced their EXEs and completely cut off.

Don't be afraid to get help for it professionals campus resources students (especially women help), face violence relationship must not lightweight. And, to bring out the big guns, really the future of your friend. Yes, it can be a burden and brings you in a terrible position. But this can also blind to see how completely unhealthy and frightening is the relationship. And your job is to instill courage – and support – inside.

If you are not sure how to go from a friend who is involved in an abusive relationship, please call your campus resource center. Or, call the national domestic violence Hotline. Can you professional advice to help you and your friend without having to do with social avoids that occur when you can achieve a fellow student is expelled or suspended. However, when you drove a line is physically, they must immediately notify your University — before they escalate.

Let us know it's not just remind her that she can let the relationship — that this is not to say man — and not feel abandoned or lost. Because at the end of the day, it has to fall back, and it is up to your courage and support system.

Prepare to lose a friend sometimes, your friend can be so blind to the reality of the relationship that she refuses to hear. Sometimes, the refusal to grant a hate. You can't predict what will happen when you deal with your friend? All you do is sharing your love and concern and hope that they accept it.

It might be to act as some superwoman, endangering yourself for your friend. But when you care enough about someone, at the end.

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Friend Or Daughter in an Abusive Relationship - 3 Secrets to Saving Your Relationship With Them

Why do we hate victims of domestic abuse?

We hate the hold their perpetrators have over them when it interferes with us getting what love and affection we are accustom to receiving from them.

We hate the frustration of not being able to shake them awake. We hate their choosing to be controlled over the life they had before their abusive relationship.

We don't hate them. We hate what their abusive relationship means to us.

How can we reconcile their choice without it further compromising our relationship with them?

The answer to this question can ultimately save your relationship with them. And moreover, potentially save them as well.

A) Remember they are the keeper of their temple, and they are ultimately responsible to and for their choices.

B) Our ability to honor their position is as important to the well-being of our relationship with them as our motivation to rock their boat.

C) After we have expressed our opinions, played our hand, disclosed the facts we observe, provided the appropriate domestic abuse resources, etc., the rest is theirs.

Relationships are dynamic. As we can remain there for our loved one in an abusive relationship, we can be there when they are ready to grab our hand for help. But until that time, we must be mindful of whom we are helping if we reach out from our own losses.

What can happen if we bully our help with abused loved ones?

Some people believe in the "tough love" approach to helping loved ones in an abusive relationship. However more often than not, this backfires. 

It tells the abused to exercise caution when they are on the outward stroke of the relationship, because candor says "you're right." And when the time comes when you are needed most, you maybe the last person to be called. Ultimately, you may very well  nourish the sinking of the lifeboat that you could have been for your friend or loved one in an abusive relationship.

Keep the lifeboat afloat and enjoy whatever elements of relationship you have with your loved one while on the inward as well as the outward stroke of an abusive relationship.

Domestic violence comes in all shapes and sizes...all levels of danger, oppression and control. There is no one other than the victim in an abusive relationship that knows their situation better than themselves.

As we trust and respect that, we give them what is probably missing in their abusive relationship and we model what we so earnestly long for them to have.

For more information about helping others who are in abusive relationships, see Stop Domestic Abuse Helping Others Break the Cycle, where you can also claim your free Survivor Success Tips and eInsights. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse at home and in court. http://www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com

?2009 Jeanne King, Ph.D. - Domestic Abuse Prevention and Intervention