5 Signs You Are In An Abusive Relationship

You'd think it would be simple enough to know if you are in an abusive relationship. Everyone has a clear idea of what domestic violence looks like. Most of the time, they would be right in their assessment - except, perhaps, when assessing relationships that are exclusively mentally, and emotionally, abusive.

Most of the time you would be right in your assessment or whether or not a relationship is abusive except...

When it comes to your own.

There is a widespread, dangerous, tendency to underestimate the importance of mental and emotional abuse. Because a degree of verbal abusiveness is commonplace in our society, it is interpreted as "normal".

In reality, being common doesn't make something normal, or acceptable. Being common doesn't make it any less deplorable. But, on the interpersonal level, we all tend to minimize the importance of bullying, hurtful, or destructive words and behavior.

How does that pan out in intimate abusive relationships?

It means the abused party in the relationship takes the longest time to realize the true nature of their relationship.

Nobody ever wants to believe that "it" has happened to them. The first law of abusive relationships is this: "abusive relationships happen to other people, less fortunate than me, a long, long way from here."

Sign 1

That brings us to the first sign. You spend a fair amount of your time justifying your partner's behaviour to other people, and telling yourself that things really aren't all that bad. Perhaps it's not that bad because at least he doesn't hit you; or, perhaps, he only hits you when he's drunk, or really angry; or, maybe, he only treats you like dirt every once in a while.

And that makes it almost okay... doesn't it?

And almost okay is almost good enough...

Or, at least, that's what you try to tell yourself.

That line of argument is correctly called "minimizing". It requires you to ignore, deny, or underplay the seriousness of your partner's ill treatment. At the same time, you exaggerate his charms, his qualities, and the love you share - allegedly.

(As a general principle, when someone treats you like their worst enemy, it suggests that whatever love there was has become pretty threadbare.)

Sign 2

You feel as if you are walking on eggshells a lot of the time.

Your partner's mood can change, in the blink of an eye. When it does, things get ugly, emotionally and/or physically. Of course, when that happens, it's all your fault. You provoked your abusive partner by overstepping the mark. You know that because he told you so.

In fact, he tells you that every time he explodes. That's why you're walking on eggshells. Somehow, you never manage to get it right for terribly long. If only you could, you would earn his love and appreciation - allegedly.

Sign 3

You've put your own life on hold.

In an abusive relationship, you spend your life trying to please your partner - or, at least, trying not to displease him. The net result is that his feelings, wishes, and responses become much more important than your own.

This is the deal: your abusive partner expects you to fit your life around his. If that means you don't have much of a life, then so be it. As a woman, your most important role is to service your partner. That's his belief, and you tend to agree with it. All you would like is a little acknowledgement, and the occasional sign of affection.

You expect to sacrifice yourself for your children. You see that as normal. It becomes difficult when you have to juggle his needs and the children's.

He has to feel that he is the priority, at all times - which leaves you with no time, or energy, to look after yourself.

Sign 4

You really don't believe you could ever manage without him.

In an abusive relationship, your partner tells you how inadequate you are, over and over again - that's what makes you so incredibly lucky to have him.

That's what he tells you; and that's what you come to believe.

So, you end up disliking yourself as much as he dislikes you. And you end up believing you are as inadequate as he says you are. Which means you end up relying on your abusive relationship for your very survival.

That's why you feel stuck, with no room for manoeuvre, between a rock and a hard place.

Sign 5

You've become a shadow of the woman you once were.

You don't laugh any more. You don't have friends you let close to you - because you wouldn't want them to know what really goes on. Besides, you have probably forgotten how to let someone get close to you.

You're anxious the whole time. Perhaps you abuse food, or alcohol, or feel depressed most of the time. Certainly, you feel drained and empty.

The worst thing is you've stopped dreaming. You've stopped envisioning a future in which your dreams, hopes, and ambitions will ever come true.

You've stopped hoping for pretty much everything - apart from him turning back into the man you fell in love with.

Your life has become an emotional desert. But still you might be asking yourself: "Is this emotional abuse?"

If you recognise the signs, you're in an abusive relationship

If you recognise the 5 signs, rest assured not only are you in an abusive relationship, but it's taken a severe toll on your emotional health. Your abusive relationship has left you feeling weak, worthless, and unlovable. That's exactly what an abusive relationship is designed to do. An abusive relationship exists to satisfy the craving for power and control of the abusive partner. That's bad news, certainly, but it's not hopeless.

Let the 5 signs of an abusive relationship, finally, sound the alarm for you. However bad it's been, and however long it's gone on, you're not too late to get out, get over it, and create a joyful life for yourself.

If you've been stuck in an unhappy, unhealthy relationship, leading Emotional Abuse Recovery Expert, Dr Annie Kaszina, can help.

Annie has given many hundreds of women, worldwide, the courage to make changes in their life, believe in their own value, trust their own judgements, and create healthy relationships for themselves. Find out more and sign up for your free 7 day e-course: "7 Things You Need To Know To Truly Heal" at: http://www.RecoverFromEmotionalAbuse.com