How to Overcome Verbal Abuse

Whether you are abused or think you may be, there are steps you can take to resolve your confusion and help you to navigate toward your personal solution.

You are not at fault; realizing that you cannot and do not control the abuse OR your abuser is priority number one. You cannot "help your abuser" or "mother" him out of abusive behavior. You cannot change him, although he may choose to change himself as a consequence of your new-found healthy behavior!

These four steps will help you clear your thinking after weeks or even years of abuse:

Becoming informed about what constitutes verbal, mental and emotional abuse and the control methods your abuser uses against you is the first step. Recognizing abusive behavior and putting a name to his control methods will help you to see your situation and your abuser in a new light.
Reaching out to friends, family outside your home, and resources in the community is paramount! You're fighting a powerful abusive enemy, and he wants to keep you fighting his game. You'll need all the help you can get. Your silence is his most powerful ally.
Discovering your abuser's abuse cycles helps you learn to trust your gut instinct again - fear is truly a gift. Abusers are not as "unpredictable" or "out of control" as they would like you to think. They often plan their attacks in advance, but blame the violence on you.
Designing a safety plan is a must whether you think you'll leave the abuser or plan to stay with him. Your safety plan will give you the peace of mind that comes with knowing you can leave when and if you must.

Over time, you've likely developed some side-effects of abuse that are inhibiting your ability to exercise personal choice and freedom. The beauty of these first four steps is that they create and support confidence and strength - two characteristics that will help you to say goodbye to abuse and/or your abuser once and for all.

Kellie Jo Holly lived with her verbally, emotionally, mentally and four-time physically abusive husband for 18 years. She separated from him in January 2009, but their relationship is not over due to their two children. She's hoping that one day her husband will admit to his use of manipulation and overcome it. Until then, she writes her story is for you in hopes that you'll recognize your abuser before you get in too deep at Verbal Abuse Journals and her accompanying blog "My Abusive Marriage". Find the help, hope, and resources you need to overcome the misery abusive relationships cause.