How to Overcome Verbal Abuse

Whether you are abused or think you may be, there are steps you can take to resolve your confusion and help you to navigate toward your personal solution.

You are not at fault; realizing that you cannot and do not control the abuse OR your abuser is priority number one. You cannot "help your abuser" or "mother" him out of abusive behavior. You cannot change him, although he may choose to change himself as a consequence of your new-found healthy behavior!

These four steps will help you clear your thinking after weeks or even years of abuse:

Becoming informed about what constitutes verbal, mental and emotional abuse and the control methods your abuser uses against you is the first step. Recognizing abusive behavior and putting a name to his control methods will help you to see your situation and your abuser in a new light.
Reaching out to friends, family outside your home, and resources in the community is paramount! You're fighting a powerful abusive enemy, and he wants to keep you fighting his game. You'll need all the help you can get. Your silence is his most powerful ally.
Discovering your abuser's abuse cycles helps you learn to trust your gut instinct again - fear is truly a gift. Abusers are not as "unpredictable" or "out of control" as they would like you to think. They often plan their attacks in advance, but blame the violence on you.
Designing a safety plan is a must whether you think you'll leave the abuser or plan to stay with him. Your safety plan will give you the peace of mind that comes with knowing you can leave when and if you must.

Over time, you've likely developed some side-effects of abuse that are inhibiting your ability to exercise personal choice and freedom. The beauty of these first four steps is that they create and support confidence and strength - two characteristics that will help you to say goodbye to abuse and/or your abuser once and for all.

Kellie Jo Holly lived with her verbally, emotionally, mentally and four-time physically abusive husband for 18 years. She separated from him in January 2009, but their relationship is not over due to their two children. She's hoping that one day her husband will admit to his use of manipulation and overcome it. Until then, she writes her story is for you in hopes that you'll recognize your abuser before you get in too deep at Verbal Abuse Journals and her accompanying blog "My Abusive Marriage". Find the help, hope, and resources you need to overcome the misery abusive relationships cause.

Verbal violence in relationships and what it does and for the

Verbal violence in relationships and what it does and for the
By Barbara Rose, Ph. d.

I decided to include this chapter on the abuse, because most women "less than" more women who are not quite the sense feel, but broadcast or very sure.

Are You? This is to describe the most common forms of abuse, and point will ask you to write how you can relate. Write for a large part will help you see what you might prevent comes in wholeness. Hurtful words and behavior of the other can undermine your more than knowledge.

Maybe they are not for you now, but you have in the past. Perhaps you should abuse every day and you accept it because you think this is exactly how de Contrôle; It is. You can change the status quo a deep fear of being alone, without a partner, or material comfort or convenience, do you get of the Contrôle;. But the abuse in all its forms affects your self-esteem and confidence. Is poison for toxic for wholeness, radiance and deadly Supreme confidence.

Here are the signs of abuse. If you only know one thing: this is your chance to spot the signs and learn how to escape the abuse.

Oral, mental, and emotional abuse

Will guide you step by step so you can see how all forms of abuse can only undermine the wholeness, radiance and Supreme confidence that you really want to feel. It is my deepest hope that anyone who believes not only what I'm about to tell you, but you can also find the courage to take personal responsibility for your well-being at all levels.

Verbal abuse

Suppose that you have placed a couple of pounds, or even 20 or 30 and your partner makes a snide remark: "put some extra weight there, Hon. better to the gym." I note verbal violence. This doesn't feel good. Feel demeaning. When a comment is shameful, humiliating. And this is verbal abuse.

Make no excuses for comments. What you love "marks" that received more wrinkled, greyer, less toned. The list can be continued.

What matters is that you deserve to have someone in your life who loves and accepts you exactly as you are weight gray hair, wrinkles and all.

Now, suppose you say, "boy, I really win weight." and your partner, brilliant! "answers, but we all do sometimes. Love you for who you are, not the number on the scale. "This is an unconditionally loving partner.

See the difference? I could write a whole book about abuse, but I want to go directly to the point that you notice what abuse is.

Verbal violence consists of comments that lead you to feel "less than" Causing to have that sinking feeling in your stomach, the feeling of betrayal, pain, depression, sadness and pain.

When you notice that you being reactionary or otherwise abused, verbally – you, my dear sister, you have two options: (1) you can keep allow that to happen, and even less than I ever felt before. or (2) you can request the wrong person full stop. If he or she can stop, this is fantastic. If he or she does not stop, then we call up all your inner truth, all truly your feelings about verbal abuse every day received, and from the life of that person.

If you have any questions to the person to stop abuse several times and nothing has changed, nothing will change. A person who will not stop just because you ask again. Which gives you the ability to understand the way and can remain in the abusive situation seriously review their statements. Never abuse leads to take or tolerate, even for a few minutes.

Verbal attack comes in the form of snide remarks, put-downs, name-calling, derogatory comments, strong demands, control tones and harsh words.

If a woman who wants to feel fully and completely in, so your inner glow shows abroad, you can let the unlawful situation. There is no other way.

© Copyright by Barbara Rose, PhD-all rights reserved. CHAPTER excerpt reprinted with permission from the book know yourself: a woman's Guide to wholeness, Radiance and maximum confidence. (Team Rose, January 2006) ISBN: 0974145734

View the original article here

Verbal Abuse in Relationships - What Is It and What Can You Do About It?

The definition of verbal abuse is spoken words used with the intent to cause harm. Verbally abusive statements are directed at another person, causing emotional suffering and leading to depression, low self esteem and even thoughts of suicide. In addition to the psychological effects, verbal abuse can lead to physical ailments resulting from stress and a depressed immune system.

What is Verbal Abuse?

- is hurtful and frequently attacks the character and/or abilities of the victim. Over time, the victim may begin to believe that there is something wrong with them or their abilities. The victim may come to feel that they are the problem, rather than their partner.

- is judging and criticizing. The abuser may judge the victim and then express that judgment in a critical way.

- may be overt or covert. Overt abuse usually involves blame and accusations. Covert verbal abuse involves hidden aggression, and is even more confusing to the victim.

- is about control and manipulation. Even reproachful comments may be voiced in an extremely sincere and concerned way.

- is often subtle. The victim's self-esteem gradually diminishes, usually without them realizing it. They may consciously or unconsciously try to change their behavior so as not to upset the abuser.

- is unpredictable.

- is not a side issue; it is the issue in the relationship. When a couple is having an argument about a real issue, the issue can be resolved. In a verbally abusive relationship, there is no specific conflict. The issue is the abuse, and this is not resolved. There is no closure.

- may escalate, increasing in intensity, frequency, and variety. It may begin with put-downs disguised as jokes and evolve later into other forms. Sometimes it can escalate into physical abuse.

- is also know as trivializing, which is a form of verbal abuse. It is an attempt to take something that is said or done and make it insignificant.

- is blocking and diverting. The abuser refuses to communicate, decides what can and can't be discussed, or withholds information.

- may also include undermining, threatening, name-calling, forgetting the abuse ever happened and/or giving orders.

Currently, it is thought that verbal abuse may be the worst of the three principle abuse categories (physical, emotional and verbal) because memories of physical or emotional abuse may fade, but insults can often be remembered word for word, indefinitely. Abuse is about control. To escape it, you can take control of your own feelings and the way you communicate without trying to control the other person. Love should not hurt.

The first step in ending verbal abuse is recognizing that you are in a verbally abusive relationship. If your partner often makes malicious comments that hurt you emotionally, seek outside help in putting a stop to it. The old saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me," is clearly untrue - words can cause damage. And that damage may stick with you throughout your entire life. Some relationships are much more abusive than others. If you generally have a good relationship but it deteriorates into pointless arguing, you can probably fix it. Even a more abusive relationship may be worth working on if you can see improvements over time. If you seem to be moving in the right direction, don't ask why, just keep moving. Consider leaving if the abuser will not listen, is inflexible, will not consider counseling, tells everyone that you are crazy or that you are the abuser, wears two masks (a nice one for the world and the abusive one for you) or insists that everything be done their way or the highway.

Nancy Travers, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, specializes in all types of relationships; dating, existing relationships, family relationships, and relationships with friends and business relationships. She also helps her clients overcome anxiety and depression through talk therapy as well as through hypnosis. What sets her apart from many other counselors is that she has counseled in the gay/lesbian community for over 10 years. She also has experience counseling families with elder care issues. Nancy has been in practice for over 15 years and can provide you with the tools you need to approach dating and relationships with confidence. Visit her website at http://www.nancyscounselingcorner.com.

Verbal violence in relationships and what to do about the

Staying in relation to any type of abuse is the same as maintaining your pink in a pot of boiling water. You think just because this is your little finger will not destroy your hand? No. LATE. Abuse Burns-it hurts, and the only way you can "do more" is when you take your fingers out of the pot of ZeSEWS WATER. Just get from your abuser will be much more than "survive" is going to THROW and thrive! (I can promise you a day, because there was too much.)

Verbal violence in relationships and what to do about the
By Barbara Rose, Ph. d.

I decided to record from this chapter about the abuse, because most women feel "less than," more women who do not feel as a whole, be appropriated radiant, or very sure.

Are you? I'm going to describe the most common forms of abuse, and then assign to you to write how this might relate to your questions. The written will be largely help you see what you might not come to wholeness. The insults and the functions of another can undermine your more than knowledge.

Maybe they don't come to you now, but you have in the past. Maybe abuse inflicted on you every day, and you accept it because you think that's exactly how the imposer, maintaining the status quo out of a deep fear of being alone, without a partner, material comfort or convenience, do you get of the imposer. But abuse in all forms of your self-esteem and confidence into disrepute. Is the ultimate confidence for appearance, toxic for the wholeness and deadly poison.

Here are the signs of abuse. If they are about you, but one thing to know: this is your chance to spot the signs and learn how to arrive from the abuse.

Verbal, psychological and emotional abuse

Guides you step by step so you can see how all forms of abuse can only undermine the wholeness, radiance and Supreme confidence you really want to feel. It is my deepest hope that not only your embrace what I'm about to tell, but you will also find the courage to take personal responsibility for your well-being at all levels.

Verbal abuse

For example, suppose you have captured in a few pounds, or even 20 or 30, and your partner a snide comment: "put on some extra weight, Hon; It is better to gym. "I think comment verbal abuse. I feel sick. Feels humiliating. When a comment is pejorative, is humiliating. And this is verbal abuse.

Make no excuses for comments. What you love "eight" that get greyer, more toned, less wrinkled. The list could go on.

It is a question that you deserve to have someone in your life who loves and accepts you as you weight, gray hair, wrinkles and everyone.

Now, suppose that you say, "Boy, I really gain weight and your colleague responds," brilliant!, but we all do sometimes. I love you for who you are, not the number of scale. "This is an unconditional love partner.

See the difference? An entire book about the abuses could write, but I want to get to the point to observe is what abuse.

Verbal harassment consists of comments that lead to you feeling that "less than" caused to have that sinking feeling in your stomach, a sense of betrayal, pain, sadness, depression and sadness.

When you notice that your verbally abused – or otherwise – you, my dear sister, you have two options: (1) you can keep giving this to happen, giving you even less than I ever felt before. or (2) you can request the wrong person to stop completely. If he or she stopped, this is fantastic. If he or she does not stop, then you all your inner truth, all your true feelings about verbal abuse you receive each day, and walk through the life of that person.

If you have the wrong person to stop many times asked and nothing has changed, nothing will change. The wrong person won't stop just because you can ask again. People who understand the abuser and remain in the abusive situation seriously say should reconsider their statements. Will never misuse or to tolerate, nor even for a few minutes.

Verbal abuse comes in the form of snide remarks, put-downs, name-calling, humiliating comments, convincing requesting control of tons and harsh words.

If a woman who wants to feel increasingly shows full inside to your inner glow abroad, leave the abusive situation. There is no other way.

© Copyright by Barbara Rose, PhD-all rights reserved. Chapter excerpt reprinted with permission from the book know Yourself: a woman's Guide to "complete" Radiance & Supreme confidence. (Group Rose, January 2006) ISBN: 0974145734

View the original article here

In an Abusive Relationship - The Problem With Promises After Physical, Emotional and Verbal Abuse

We've all heard it happens and if you've ever been in an abusive relationship you know those promises like the back of your hand.

They seem so sweet in the first handful of rounds living in an abusive relationship. And all that happens in the relationship immediately after feels just the same...real sweet. HONEYmoon sweet.

You know there is a "but" coming here. I know you can feel it.

...But, when one yields to the promises, here's what happens.

A) For the Abuser

Abuser conditioning - Taking the person back after an assault (whether physical, emotional or verbal abuse), essentially sends a message that the abuser can "get away" with that level of abuse. This is part of how the stage is built for permission for the next altercation to magnify, to be more severe than the one before. Well, if I can get away with that one, then...

B) For the Abused

Breeds false hope for victim/survivor. Why? Because the promise in and of itself is not what changes battering behavior. The promise fails to take into account the etiology of the assault (again, whether verbal abuse, emotional abuse or an outright physical assault). More often it only, yet dearly says: I won't do that anymore. Things will be different.

C) For the Couple Entangled in an Abusive Relationship

It rekindles the status quo, while diverting attention from the real issues. So, in addition to complicating both parties individual understanding of the altercation, it keeps the couple "elephant under the carpet"...exquisitely covered so no one can see. Not those looking from the inside out, much less those looking from the outside in.

If you find yourself face-to-face with one of these promises, be mindful of all of the implications that go hand and hand with it. The more you know earlier on, the less likely you will be a consequence (a victim) of an abusive relationship spiraling out of control.

For a deeper understanding of what keeps emotional verbal abuse going and what stops it, visit http://www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. is founding director of nonprofit Partners in Prevention, dedicated to helping domestic abuse survivors and their advocates.

?2008 Jeanne King, Ph.D. - Domestic Abuse Prevention and Intervention