Sticks and stones can break your bones but words can scar you forever. While some forms of verbal abuse are easy to recognize, others are more subtle. It isn't always easy to recognize the signs of an abusive relationship, but knowing the different masks that verbal abuse wears can help.
1. Withholding is one of the most subtle forms of emotional and verbal abuse. A withholder avoids discussing his thoughts, feelings, opinions and other parts of his life with a partner. The partner may feel lonely and rebuffed without understanding why.
2. Trivializing is a way for abusers to gain superiority. By trivializing their partners' accomplishment, abusers belittle their partners in a way that leaves the partner feeling that somehow it was her own failure of communication rather than a deliberate act.
3. Discounting a partner's reality is another way that abusers belittle partners. An example of discounting is the partner who responds to "I'm cold" with "No, you're not. It's 70 degrees in here."
4. "Jokes" that belittle or make fun of a partner are another subtle form of aggression. This includes "funny" insults, telling embarrassing stories or any other way of making a partner the butt of a joke. If anyone protests, the abuser passes it off as "just a joke. Where's your sense of humor?"
5. Criticizing and nitpicking is designed to make the partner feel as if he or she can't ever do anything right. Even "compliments" are backhanded, as in "Well, at least you didn't use too much salt this time."
6. Accusations are potent ammunition for verbal abusers. When the abuser puts his partner on the defensive by making accusations, he holds the upper hand in the conversation and relationship.
7. Diversion allows the abuser to shift the subject away from any conversation and turn it into an argument. When an abuser responds to "Are there any cookies left?" with "Are you saying I eat too much?" she is diverting the conversation.
8. Name calling is one of the most overt symptoms of a verbally abusive relationship. Affectionate pet names are one thing, but hurtful names like "Tugboat Annie" or "Hey, dummy" are always verbally abusive.
9. Undermining is a way of detracting a partner from a goal or activity. A verbally abusive partner may respond to their partner talking about a new diet with "Why bother starting when you know you'll just cheat anyway?"
10. Ordering a partner to do things is often a sign of an abusive relationship. In equal relationships, a partner says, "Would you get me a glass of water?" rather than "Bring me a glass of water."
11. Threatening is another verbally abusive behavior that is designed to control a partner. The threats may be explicit, as in "If you don't do this, I'll leave you" or implied, as in "There are a lot of other women out there, you know."
Verbal abuse comes in many different forms, times and places, but the worse part of abuse is when people are abused by those who claim to love them. Don't encourage abusive behavior in your relationship, because if do, you could become a victim of something more serious than abuse.
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Emeka Ezidiegwu is an author of several romance and relationship publishing. If this article informed you, please feel free to visit us at: http://www.cupidmaster.com for more related and interesting articles.
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