A newfound love is always exhilarating. This exhilaration always causes one to be blinded to the very obvious indicators and should be flashing red lights, warning a person of a potentially catastrophic relationship. Often, if the abuse has been inflicted during dating, it is always possible to continue well after the marriage and escalate over time. Any couple in a relationship cannot change each other's behaviour. One can only change oneself, so, staying in a relationship out of fear, or hoping that the other person will eventually change is not necessary. Abusers usually show signs of similar behavioural patterns. Being able to spot these patterns and signals can help a person from entering any abusive relationship before it even begins.
Identifying an abuser can be easy if one is familiar with the clues. A common behaviour seen in this relationship is jealousy. An abusive person will often refer to jealousy as a sign of love, especially at the early stages of the relationship. Unfortunately, jealousy has nothing to do with love. It is simply an indication of possessiveness and lack of trust. The jealous partner is often inquisitive about who his/her partner talks to, accuses him/her of flirting and is jealous even of one's family and friends. Strange behaviours like checking your car's mileage or asking friends to watch you are also common.
A controlling behaviour is also prominent-the abuser will assert that this is because of his/her concern for your safety, or simply wants to guide you to use time wisely. There will be bursts of anger if one is late coming back from an appointment, and will question the partner closely about his/her whereabouts. Often, the abuser will prevent the other person from making personal decisions, even those regarding one's clothing, hairstyle and appearance as this behaviour gets worse. A whirlwind romance may seem romantic, although it doesn't always end that way. A lot of people involved in an abusive relationship dated or knew their abusive partners for less than six months or so before they got married, engaged or moved in together.
One is always pressured to commit to the relationship in a way that makes the other person feel guilty because of the slowing down of involvement or breakup in the relationship. Unrealistic expectations from his/her partner are a common characteristic of an abusive partner. They want their significant other to be able to meet their every need. There is always a demand for the other person to be perfect in just about everything and take care of all his/her emotional needs. This person is likewise constantly unemployed, and somebody is always out to get him/her. An abuser will may make mistakes, and will surely blame you for upsetting him/her.
As a matter of fact, you will be at fault for almost every single thing that goes wrong in an abusive relationship. Saying things that are cruel and hurtful is almost second nature to an abuser. He/she will degrade, curse, or subject you to name-calling and will even make fun of your accomplishments. This person may even wake you up in the middle of the night to verbally abuse you or will not allow you to sleep until you talk out an argument. To make matters worse, there will be threats of violence meant to control a partner. And, it won't be surprising at all if he/she displays breaking or striking objects.
Often, the abuser also has a history of being physically abusive to a past bf/gf or husband/wife.
The author of this article Ruth Purple is a Relationship Coach who has been successfully coaching and guiding clients for many years. Ruth recently decided to go public and share her knowledge and experience through her website http://www.relazine.com. You can sign up for her free newsletter and join her coaching program.
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