It seems to happen overnight, the once perfect relationship is suddenly something quite different. You may find that you dread being around your partner. This could be because of fear of physical abuse or even the frustration and humiliation of emotional abuse. Either way your relationship is definitely in trouble. Surprisingly, many people accept abuse for a period of time before realizing that it is clearly a problem. If you suspect that your relationship may be an abusive one then it most likely is.
Abusive relationships often start out very different. In fact, a partner may seem very caring and concerned in the beginning. Part of this is that the partner is likely to be very possessive and jealous. In order to accommodate those needs he or she is likely to appear very attentive at first. This attentiveness can be flattering.
The attentiveness may mask the possessiveness for a period of time. But it is likely that soon you will realize that your new partner is attempting to monopolize your time. His or her jealousy may be as extreme as to include being jealous of long time friends and even family members.
Sometimes the partner decides that by giving in and spending time with the new partner many arguments can be avoided. This is likely to have a snowball effect. The more you give in the more controlling your mate becomes and expects you to give in.
Many people in abusive situations become very secretive about what is going on in the relationship. This may be due to fear or even shame and embarrassment. After all, we do realize that a healthy relationship is not abusive in anyway but once we are involved and in the middle of the mess getting out can seem almost impossible.
There are various types of abuse; physical, emotional, verbal, and sexual. We all have a clear understanding of what physical abuse is. But it is important to understand that even if there are no marks left behind, abuse is abuse. When it comes to emotional and verbal abuse we are referring to abusive language as well as degrading comments. And anytime sex is used as a tool or weapon it is wrong.
Abusive partners find ways to twist the circumstances so that the blame is always yours. Besides using humiliation as a weapon he or she attempts to control your life in ways that a partner should not. He or she may demand that you dress a certain way or refrain from doing something that seems harmless. He or she may threaten you or threaten to harm their self if things do not go the way they want them to.
Abusive relationships are never healthy. A healthy relationship is built on the foundation of respect, consideration and trust. If you are involved in a relationship that lacks that foundation then it is time to make some immediate changes. I always say that you cannot give love appropriately if you do not love and care for yourself first. It is time to put yourself first. Take the initial steps toward the future that you deserve and get help now!
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Debbie Allen is an Internet marketer & writer
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