How can you tell if you are in an abusive relationship? Sometimes it is not that obvious to you as you are sucked in and too close to the problem. Perhaps you see what the problem is and believe you can help or fix your partner. An abusive relationship does not have to be physically violent.
5 tips to tell if you are in an abusive relationship
o Your partner often verbally puts you down in front of others
o You partners actions contradict what they are saying
o Your partner tries hard to make you dependent on them
o You often change things about yourself to please your partner
o Your partner is controlling, they show up at places to check on you, read your mail or texts
An abusive relationship has a cycle:
o The honeymoon period
o An issue or argument
o Reconciliation
After each reconciliation there is another honeymoon period and the cycle begins again. Once you realise you are in an abusive relationship the cycle has happened several times and it can be difficult to get out.
Why would anyone want to spend time and stay with someone who abusive like this? Sometimes they do not realise that the relationship is abusive, that these actions are normal. Often they do not realise they have choices and can take action.
Many people who find themselves in an abusive relationship have grown up in a home that has had similar actions; they may believe that this kind of relationship is normal.
Others stay in abusive relationships because they believe they do not deserve anything better, that they do not deserve to be happy in life. This low self esteem is exacerbated by the abusive relationship making it even hard to get out.
Yet others believe they can help the abusive partner or want to try and take care of them.
But there are choices and you can get out of an abusive relationship. Once you realise that you can get out you have a better chance of changing the status quo.
The good news is that it is possible to redefine the relationship boundaries with some people to form a new healthier relationship. Sometimes it means making some space, sometimes counselling will help but as long as both partners are willing to make the change it is possible to go on to creating a healthy relationship.
The first step is to decide that you need the relationship to improve and if it does not then you will walk away. If you are not prepared to walk you will never be able to change the boundaries of the relationship.
Once you have made that decision then tell your partner. Don't nag or moan but be honest and open. Tell them you need their help or love and let them know you are prepared to leave if you do not get what you need.
A good relationship is a two way street, it has to work both ways to be healthy and happy. A healthy relationship is built on trust and communication. An abusive relationship is all one way and leads to unhappiness and resentment.
Only you have the power to change your relationship, it's a big step but ultimately well worth it.
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