Nothing is better than nonsense – a short message.

I know that the title reads in this way-"crap is the best". But that's not what it means.

There is a popular saying goes-"something is better than nothing."

And we all know what that means.

But have you thought of this-

There is nothing better than a day with something that RUBBISH (Abusive) is in your life.

The meaning of the words of nonsense-essence of little or no influence or utilities.

The meaning of the words list of abuse – dishonor, violate, to cheat, physical abuse, abuse of natural rights.

Actually abusing relationship returns the relationship as nonsense, if it is not worth, value or interest.

Therefore

Nothing is better than in a "crap" relationship with a person who repeatedly commit crimes and hurts you.

Have no relationship is better than "nonsense" relationship with the person you love operates.

After marriage is no better than one with a spouse who is emotionally abuse you.

After marriage is no better than one with a husband who physically abuse you.

Many a times you can stay in a relationship than abused because you think it is safer to be beaten or emotionally abused in a "known" relationship than go for a new relationship that "unknown" and therefore unsafe. The fear of the unknown that prevents you from making a selection. That is why get stuck with says that something, even if they are insulting and hence nonsense, it's better than nothing.

If you've tried and tried and cannot be disabled in an abusive man your loving one and then it was time to move on. If you repeatedly misled, disrespected, humbled by your boy friend girl and it was time to end the relationship, or opt for marriage.

So I would say – not the relationship is better than a "crap-violent relationship.

This is a short message to all those people who decide to stay in abusive relationships.  It's time to change that.  It's time to break free!

EFT can help cure.

Here is an article about healing from an abusive relationship-http://www.eftfree.net/2010/03/09/healing-a-breakup/

PS-Children be affected when a parent emotionally or physically abusive to the other parent.

View the original article here

Holidays and abusive relationships

The holidays can be an enormous tension for many of us.  But for those who are in a violent relationship, indescribable for those who have ever.  For one, can't imagine what life is like without those ghosts in my life.  But I'm much stronger person because of them.

I've tried to explain to a friend of mine years ago what living with an abusive spouse be if-and remember not understanding.  This also do not understand why it took me so long to get out of the relationship (s).  Then look years later, while speaking in many classes for domestic violence and for crowds of my past, I really.   Try to explain "life in the dark" to someone who had never experienced such a dreadful detail is really like French speaking to someone who understands English only.  It's great what you may have never experienced such abuses, but hopefully it will also show what compassion for those who are in the hands of the samples suffer.  Really not until you get them about healthy relationships, constraints, self-esteem tell, what happens when «lightbulb».

Same thing happened to me.  This is where I found freedom.

Awareness is the key to this terrible disease.  Please read below about public holidays and abusive relationships an article I wrote on tweakers.net and control that the really cool PSA had Kenny Wallace with high school sweetheart, he married years ago!  For one, really I appreciated!  Merry Christmas everyone!

Holidays and abusive relationships

View the original article here

How to help a friend in an abusive relationship

Last June, rural students were silenced by shock and sadness at news of the murder of UVA lacrosse star Yeardley Love landscape. Article after the article was about puppies on the Internet about the relationship of love and George Huguely, many claims was indicative evidence that violent mood will result in serious danger. However, what we need, above all, keep on this indicative signs to avoid tragic end remained unanswered.

Heartbreaking death of love gained considerable media attention. The fact that two collegiate athletes enrolled at a prestigious University, participated in a destructive and terrible event has been blown up in the minds of the media. Stormy relationship, soaked with alcohol fuels fight, is far from exceptional.

Here, at least 32% of the women involved in a violent relationship of any kind. Although the abuse can be categorized as physical or emotional, equally worrying whether in the form. The stories of abuse will never match the lid of the popular magazine or number one on Google trends. However, they are so much attention and concern as a relationship of love and of Huguely.

Abusive relationships are tricky, especially at this age. There are my funds to universities in order to protect the victims of the terrible results. However, Students are often too scared to tell about partners or partner, friend, because social consequences would be horrible.

For example, was a friend of mine a guy dating for several months. After a debaucherous in the night he "accidentally" the whole face. At the time of the event, was livid. I've talked with her and begged for him to leave, but I did nothing but that. went to AA, claiming he had caused the problems of alcohol, and has vowed to never hurts again my friend.

While he tried to reform of his life, she remained with him. I stayed behind their relationship, really, to believe that he will never touch the bad as stayed sober. However, he is drinking again (largely) and his girlfriend doesn't seem concerned. This is not a violent towards her from the first event. However, sometimes feared he would stop and attack again.

Such situations are particularly vulnerable. A misstep and shatter your friend trust. It is therefore important to know what to do when a friend is prepared with an unhealthy relationship.

Go directly to this first discussing your opinion (and worry) about the link. Ask whether they deserve. Power to consider the pros and cons of the relationship. If the emotionally abused, gently remind you that this is just as oppressive as something natural. Force securities outside the emotions and talk about the relationship can be extremely loud.

Intervenes when things physical violence, there is a point that, as a friend and support you need to participate. This usually means taking a step further than talking to your friend. Speak with a friend, stick to when he publicly deterioration occurs. If he hits the negatives for you to say something. Not only will this increase in attention to treatment, but doing so will others as well.

Serious threats when he drunk yells or hard texts your friend, not antiparerchontai. Refuse to go home at night. It is an annoying cockblock. This morning, we will be grateful.

Stay away from drugs in the case of the Yeardley love, her friends did as thought they could. Yeardley broke with Huguely and had himself released from the yoke. However, as is typical in this Parliament, Huguely commented in a mood and a ton of alcohol. In this kind of relations, it is important to help your friend to stay away from drugs or alcohol-influenced their EXEs and completely cut off.

Don't be afraid to get help for it professionals campus resources students (especially women help), face violence relationship must not lightweight. And, to bring out the big guns, really the future of your friend. Yes, it can be a burden and brings you in a terrible position. But this can also blind to see how completely unhealthy and frightening is the relationship. And your job is to instill courage – and support – inside.

If you are not sure how to go from a friend who is involved in an abusive relationship, please call your campus resource center. Or, call the national domestic violence Hotline. Can you professional advice to help you and your friend without having to do with social avoids that occur when you can achieve a fellow student is expelled or suspended. However, when you drove a line is physically, they must immediately notify your University — before they escalate.

Let us know it's not just remind her that she can let the relationship — that this is not to say man — and not feel abandoned or lost. Because at the end of the day, it has to fall back, and it is up to your courage and support system.

Prepare to lose a friend sometimes, your friend can be so blind to the reality of the relationship that she refuses to hear. Sometimes, the refusal to grant a hate. You can't predict what will happen when you deal with your friend? All you do is sharing your love and concern and hope that they accept it.

It might be to act as some superwoman, endangering yourself for your friend. But when you care enough about someone, at the end.

View the original article here

Relationship deal-breaker: When women False accusations and threaten to call the police

This article describes why false accusations of abuse and threats to the police to call with your girlfriend or wife is unfair, because certain high-conflict and personality disordered women exercise of these behaviors and why it must be a clear indication that you need to protect yourself from further abuse and probably the end of the relationship.

Here's the link:

The Ultimate relationship deal-breaker for men: False accusations and threaten to call the police

Yours sincerely

Dr. Tara j. Pal mat Irishman, PsyD

View the original article here

The spirit of Swiss cheese

15 December 2009 by starofseshat

It was an extremely difficult week. Today feel a slight lift, probably a hormonal driven; not often that a hormonal til helps you cope, normally your hormones and beat your drag when you need at least one beaten.

I have my reading recent enlargement. I love Wollstonecraft A vindication of the rights of women! I'm intrigued by the revelation of divine love Julian Norwich, and tickled by Blavatsky Isis unveiled.

Framed photo I have for my birthday earlier this year, which is now on my desk for me. Is a German Abbess who quietly and anonymous the pave the way for me as a child. The warmly smiling calmly, and with love for someone to stand near the photographer. This is an old photo. Is now dead and was at the funeral where I saw photos of the coffin is surrounded by flowers, it is meant for people to pray during the dead for 3 days. I was too young to see. I wish now that I had.

When you view the paths in life and directions, one thing that I learned to investigate the other people who are attracted to this path. Often they told me that "you need to improve the quality of the person who you hang out ' Round me!" This is certainly something that I have achieved and Danny stay for abuse and toxic friends, untruthful people and managers. I can get my friends around me now look (true), both meat and they met virtually through the Internet and I count myself very fortunate.

I am so often filled with a melancholy that takes you to my and my cavities. Today I by a splendid nostalgia of moments in my childhood impression on me was really the only good times. If I have not been taken by the German Abbess would then I have no good memories at all times when not feel safe and acceptable. It inspires me. And the journey inspires me, because there was no separation between the spiritual path that ran through life. Everything was a. This is the greatest lesson had learned – purely as an example, without words, tests or commands for obedience. It is definitely a great thing to have been inspired by a path from the browbeaten in obedience to follow?

There are very few truly inspiring people in life, but there are enough if you look and also accept their human fallibility. Perfection, is, in my opinion, exclusive and inspiring rejects those of us with errors and back souls. As an artist (whose name I can't remember!) says, is "Art how wrong things as opposed to how to do things wrong. And Navajo Indians weavers always a "bug" is performed from the outside to the spirit of the workpiece to flow in and out, to avoid this trap.

I think we need a lot of spirit flows in and out of me, my mistakes make an effect of Swiss cheese ... I wonder how rodents ...

Posted in witchcraft, friends, spirituality, paganism, correction, a day in the life, increase awareness, love, blessings, abusive relationships, memories, happiness, Liebe | Let a CommentBe I would first of all, this post.

View the original article here

The phone

Translate Request has too much data
Parameter name: request
Translate Request has too much data
Parameter name: request
Translate Request has too much data
Parameter name: request

Tracey finally called today right about the time I was getting out of bed. It was such a relief to hear her voice again and just talk. Unfortunately, she is still in a really bad place with this depression and that stupid son of a bitch she is trying to get rid of. She told me some things about him that just really pissed me off because of the way he was treating her. The guy is a text book case abuser without a doubt like I’ve probably written many times before in here. I think Tracey is finally realizing that and finally ready to take the next step to break things off for good and get him out of her life. However Trace is still weak from all the emotional abuse so she really needs professional help to carry it through I think. I am trying to get her to get in touch with the domestic abuse people to help her. Her counselor actually set her up in a domestic abuse group too which I think will help.

I wish I could do more to help her through all of this. I mean she really is in such a bad place. If I had my apartment still –I’d let her stay there as long as she needed to avoid the guy but I don’t have it anymore. I wish I had my car so I could stay with her some too because she really needs somebody there with her for a little while given her emotional state. She doesn’t want to go to the hospital and I cannot say I blame her at all –those places are always a zoo and don’t really help at all. I don’t want to see her go through the indignity of that or worse yet being forced to.

When me and Trace hung up this afternoon, the police were back out there and I don’t know why or who called. I just hope they don’t “tdo” her or something because I think that would be counterproductive. She does need some professional help but she needs the dignity of getting that for herself –not by brute force. She’s not in the state I was where I was psychotic so it’s not like she cannot help herself. I’ve been through the system enough to know that brute force shit just leads to defiance and that leads to people not taking care of themselves like they should like Bill was from years of that stuff. In my case it just made me suicidal for months on end ..years on end and I tried quite a few times. Why create a situation like that?

I think Trace will be ok if she just gets some specific help for her depression and the domestic stuff as well as some group therapy and counseling. Think also she needs different medications until they find something that works. I think if she surrounds herself with some good friends and focuses on doing stuff she will come through in the long run. Right now, she’s just so torn down inside and she can’t see the top or anything at all so that’s why she really needs intense emotional support from people other than a just a boyfriend.

I think she equates a boyfriend with filling all her emptiness when in reality doing that comes from focusing on one’s self and doing things one enjoys and that means something. I mean it’s nothing wrong with having a boyfriend but she really needs to have her own life and friends too apart from that. I think all too often she puts all her eggs in one basket emotionally and when it turns out like it is now —she’s a total wreck. I don’t know if I will ever get her to see this and sometimes I don’t know how to convey this to her. Maybe a professional or group of them can. It’s just a matter of taking the first steps and not giving up in her case.

I think Tracey is a basically a good honest caring person with a lot to offer but she just can’t see it right now. I know we’ve had our ups and down and I’ve felt hurt something because of my feelings for her but I still love her and sometimes I just hurt myself thinking too much about shit. I guess I’ve done it through the last few days in here and then some lately but at least I keep that private to myself don’t badger her about it like this guy she dated does. My problem is just my own insecurities and fears that I’ll lose her as my friend if certain things happen. I wish she knew that and knew I never stopped loving her believing her though sometimes I lost sight of the good we have and had at times.

Anyway, I think Tracey needs to see the good in herself because there is a lot more good than bad. I’ve always known that even in our darkest hours between. Trace certainly had made such a big impact on my life and given me so much good even though we’ve had some bad and tense times too. I think she needs to hear some of her good not just from me but from other friends too so she can see what a difference she has made in so many people’s lives in a good way. I think sometimes she focuses too much on a “significant other” rather than on herself and her friends and what good she has beyond a romantic relationship. I think she needs to realize she needs to be healthy herself before she gets involved with someone else that way and she needs to be healthy enough to dump someone like this latest guy for treating her horrible. I hate to say it but she seems like she is drawn to abusive people and she doesn’t let go upon the first red flags and it gets worse and worse like now with this latest guy.

I guess I can’t say anything much though because I am a basket case a lot over Tracey and other things in general in my life. I guess I feel guilty trying to give her hope and faith when sometimes I can’t manage my own damn affairs very well. But then it’s like I just feel so sad seeing her having to go through this kind of shit regardless of my own life and affairs emotionally. I mean if I can’t make it or I crash –at least I don’t want to see her do it too. I’d rather see her have hope and faith at any cost regardless of my own situation.

If my feelings for Trace are causing me hurt like it has at times lately, I’d rather she never know because I don’t want to be adding that to her plate –that’s why I write in this journal a lot rather than talk about that stuff with her –she’s got enough to deal with. Thing is, Trace has so often given me hope and faith and a reason to keep at the madness life can be. Have I gotten really down about things because of my feelings about her –yes –but that’s my thing –not hers to need to deal with. I do not want to be a drag on her life especially now no matter what I feel. I guess that is just the way I love her –she comes first to me for the most part.

Of course, I realize I have to take care of myself too but the point is ..we are not in an abusive relationship so it’s like I don’t question putting her first even if it hurts sometimes. Maybe I am wrong and this is codependent but what else can I say? I am trying to focus more on my own life and things I enjoy and meeting other people but I still feel the same way about her anyway. I can’t just turn her away or walk away completely like some people can. Why should I? She’s not using me like some people have said and I know she would not knowingly or intentionally do that –that’s not her. Whatever is wrong with us –I always know it’s not intentional and thought out and planned –it’s just Trace being herself.

I think a lot of people like to jump on that co-dependency wagon when in reality in my opinion –every relationship has a degree of dependency on one another. All these new fangled social engineers want to act like you can have a utopian relationship and you can’t. It’s always give and take and dependence emotionally between people –the question is –is that healthy or normal or is it abusive and caustic and in the case with me and Tracey I don’t think so. I think we’re just two people trying to find what works for each other and sometimes we end up in emotional fireworks because of it but we always find a way to talk and get past it. That is one reason I do love her so much. Most people, especially girls, I ever had a beef with just wrote me off and it was gone -we never talked it out or had another chance. Trace always gave me that in one way or another. How can I not love her and give as much of myself to her as I can?

I think sometimes me and Trace cannot see eye to eye on our emotions and feelings and sometimes that does hurt as it has a lot lately about this guy of hers. That does not mean I give up on her or want to trash her or kill her or anything though. I know sooner or later we’ll get through whatever it is between us somehow. Does the fact that we cannot go to the next level bother me sometimes –yeah it does but then I see those relationships and I am like maybe that is a good thing. I also think in many ways Tracey does not want to risk losing our friendship over a shot at a relationship even though I’d love her regardless of what happened. I would always be her friend though maybe it might take some time if you did have some nasty break-up. But, I doubt we’d ever have a completely nasty breakup anyway if we did get involved and it failed.

Does it hurt sometimes to be precluded from a relationship with Tracey –yes it does because you always feel that place inside no matter how much you turn it off –it will always prop up from time to time. I think the hurt for me just comes from the fact that I feel like if she gets somebody decent –we’ll lose what we have as friends which is sort of ironic in a way I guess. We kind of did in a way on and off when she was fooling around with this latest guy –not real bad because I wasn’t around a lot for awhile but lately –yeah it got in the way major time. I just don’t want to lose the companionship and love I felt with her and if a person gets close to somebody else you are ultimately going to lose a lot of that just by the nature of things. I think that is my greatest fear –being like it was when she got married and I had to let her go and she was gone forever as it seemed at the time. I mean we sent cards here and there but it wasn’t the same as having a girl to hug and hang out with and just talk to for hours and share stuff.

I think I am going to try to get out more and meet people more so maybe I can get some balance in my life and stop being such a burden to her and being so attached too. I am not giving her up but I feel like she wants me to find someone else to fill that void beyond our friendship. I have no idea if it will ever happen but all I can do is try for her and me too really. I will never stop being her friend but I think I just need to accept we cannot ever go beyond that and having those unrequited feelings there just become a drag on me and her too sometimes when I get mixed up inside. I think that would take some weight off of Tracey and me too if I was successful. It’s just so hard given my less than stellar circumstances these days. Then there is that whole “starting over” thing to deal with as you build a new relationship. I don’t know –I guess that’s why it I wish it could be Trace cause we already have that past us.

I wonder why the hell I just can never seem to meet a woman I like that likes me and whom I can share mutual feelings with. I don’t want a one night stand and I don’t want someone hovering me either or being too clingy but I would like to meet somebody. I think the kind of woman I would like is someone who is independent and who doesn’t “have to have a man” and can take care of herself but would also like some companionship and commit to someone to share that. I think a lot of these damn women today “got to have a man” or they want to cling all over you or they want to be a sex femme or something. I like a woman who has her own life but wants to care a place out for you to share something meaningful but who gives you space and needs her space but who is not going to be sleeping around behind your back and shit. I am not sure it’s possible to find somebody like that. I really am not sure it’s even remotely possible.

It’s so goddamn funny, I did that stupid eHarmony thing last night and it turns out the same way it did years ago when I did it. The thing says “our matching system cannot find you a match” like you are some loser who is so polarized nobody can love you. I was so disappointed and depressed yet I was laughing at it too because it’s so ridiculous –how can you say, there is no way you can find a person that matches you on some level? I mean are all these people on that site icky fucking people. I bet they got tons of people like that guy Tracey got hooked up with –abusive and crazy …but no match for me?

I am done with those online dating sites –they’re such a fucking waste of time. I don’t have money to do the bar circuit either and I don’t really want to do it anyway. I wish there was a way to meet people without all the bullshit. The singles group was ok but I never much found anyone that I was attracted to and who would remotely be attracted to me. I can’t get in gear to do half the shit the group does either and the one thing I did regularly has kind of fizzled out these days.

I just wish I could do something with one of my interests where I could also meet likeminded people with similar interests and not always be doing the bar scene to do it. I mean I don’t mind the bar scene sometimes but I am too old to want to do that shit night after night like I did in college. I’d like something no so alcohol focused. I mean I like to drink some socially but I don’t want be around a bunch of drunks and all that babble drunks do. There is a time and place for that but it should not be a regular thing all the time. People will say and do anything when they’re drunk. It would be nice to do something sober or with very limited drinking where you can be real and not just an extension of alcohol. My brother does that shit when he drinks and I hate it. Do something real, say something you’ll remember tomorrow, play some music if you drink and create something decent at least –not just waste away.

I guess all this sounds funny coming from someone who enjoys drinking a lot beer but in my case I don’t usually get too drunk if at all and I don’t just drink either. I will write like now or I will play some music or listen to some music and I will go to bed most of the time at a reasonable hour. I get up in the morning and work and most of the time I am not hung over or washed out. The days of doing that drinking thing are gone for me for the most part. I did that shit and wasted so much in college. I did it when the mania set in, in 2005 and it wrecked my life —now I try to be much more careful and watchful of myself. I can’t afford to let that shit drive me down the path it did before in 2005. It ain’t worth it.

It’s funny, last night I thought about getting up today and going to the Unitarian church again after like a 3 or four year hiatus. I don’t know, I was a little afraid because of something I wrote and shared years ago with someone there. I am not sure they ever read it and it wasn’t really bad but it was embarrassing and very personal. Needless to say, I am always afraid to go now because of that. But then it’s like I really do need to go back. I did get so much good from that church and it did help so much in giving me a sense of peace. I guess I was frustrated that I couldn’t get more involved and meet more people but it still was good for me none the less. I really do miss it.

Tracey said she wanted to go to the Unitarian church and I’d like to go with her because I think it would do both of us so much good. I don’t know what to do. I hope the person I sent that link to never read it but I don’t know. I guess it’s just embarrassing –my raw emotions and stuff in what I sent a link to. Again, it wasn’t bad but it was just so openly intimate and I always feel like if they were read –I’d look so “crazy” and “weird” and might freak somebody out. That’s the only reason I stopped going. I guess I was frustrated too because I never seemed to make friends or get close to anybody and then there was the stupid cross dressing thing too –I just felt like I didn’t belong even though I probably belong more so than anybody in a way. The belonging thing was a part of it. So many there are so liberal and “green” and all that stuff and here I am this really different person that goes in all directions. I can’t explain it but then like I said —I really miss it. It was the one place I related to as far as church goes even if I didn’t agree or relate to everything.

I really would like to share that experience with Tracey because I think she really would finally find a place –a church that works for her and I think it could give her the same peace it gave me so many times. I think she’d probably relate even more than I do and I just really would like to sort of go with her the first time and introduce her I guess. I guess it would be bonding moment with her if we did because I do love her and it would make me feel so good to be able to introduce her to something that might change her life in a big way for the better like she did when she gave me music.

Going to the church again would also help me go back too and get past all that fear and embarrassment over what happened a few years ago –something that probably never was even read anyway. I guess I should really put some effort in to doing instead of just thinking about it or talking about it. I mean I should just get my car fixed and pick her up or meet her there and just be there so she didn’t feel so alone and neither did I. I mean it’s not like you feel alone really but you do in a way the first time so it’s nice to have a friend with you. I did it all on my own and it was not bad at all –I really like them and I miss that church being a part of my life. I would’ve never survived New Kent if not for that church. It was my little piece of peace in mid-week and on Sundays sometimes when I could make it. I don’t know. A part of me felt so much a part of it but then sometimes in my madness I felt alone and like I didn’t belong but it was not anything anybody did or said –that was just me questioning my own self and faith.

Well I guess I’ll close here. I’ve written far too much as it is for one entry again.

SEE Y!

Be the first to like this post.

View the original article here

Engines from

23, 2009 by starofseshat

Last night I dreamt that I climb through the Woods on a hill-top crowned with trees. I saw that the Earth had turned to light sand. I once had overcome the tops with both my desire that I Cried. There was a stone circle that I entered. What happened in one of the company, but if I am outside the circle that I got proclaimed, "I choose life!"

The following spoke: Mr Michael McIntyre, an additional version of concert did to North where a member of the audience is filled every stereotype of Yorkshire including flat lid. Just walked on stage and MM yawped, "Hulloooo", the man stood up and said, "not for me," and to the left of the theatre.

I had a similar experience yesterday when you read an account of a woman from a magical ritual sex. The least knowledge you have something more that you can smooth the edges with your imagination, you can dream of strength and fantasize that you Excel, exceed and showed the aura person with a mission to only those you know so little about.

There are enormous differences between who you are, who you think should be, you want to be, that life have intervened ... It is extremely frustrating when exercising the need, and can keep bumping obstacles and wasting your time trying to really red, the ocean, so instead of learning to swim sit on the coast and the reality in waves to turn red prepared before you ever take a step to the waters.

Some things just aren't for me.

I've been annoyed read how someone engaged in the occupation the layoffs has this tradition/path? had a condescending tone of this Palestinian path and little people – Oh how this desire to make a person Little but the phone was much higher. I'm sure a few times in my life the same feeling is gone and my lips must have both a tosser sounded like it did.

Back in the 1980s postmodern relativism was all the rage, especially so, when I social anthropology in the 1990s studied: what could be wrong in one culture might be wrong, and vice versa-is there an absolute moral or our choices and social structures depends entirely out of context? Sex with a young girl in a society considered rape, is another admission ... The precipitation of PM relativism is that much (which is good) has deconstructed but leave us without the tools for the reconstruction of something better.

In many ways I think LHP remains the deconstruction of ethics and standards, and I think that is good. However, I'm starting to question where people go from there. By that I don't criticize a group or a person. I mean from my view I have deconstructed much within me and my years or so of madness deconstructed what was on my left hand, so you can see how volatile personality is, changing our likes and dislikes and (important) our moral absolute in the head of a PIN-code. in points (as our internal borders are sufficiently liquid) we can from black and white designation to proclaim and there is no contradiction or an inner resistance to this false dichotomy.

But then what? Once this is done easily deconstructed (especially if you do this trend) to detect after trip each other as wires through the waves in the pneumatical motor boat. What is the hurry? Is the destination destination or the trip? It is always on the other side of the horizon of the Shangri-La? Or is here and now, motor off, sensitization extend to taking the waters and the sky, birds and fish, coastline and visible part of the machine but felt as if you're a lapping Ocean v land of your lover?

Some decisions are taken. find some decisions you make. And that's okay to share your thoughts – attention you prohibits to develop, change and explore, to change the person insists on keeping the same mind for ever and ever.

© 2010 StarofSeshat

Posted in witchcraft, spirituality, healing, paganism, please let us know, body, left-hand path, Magick, Magickians, consciousness, philosophy, love, meditation, deadly path, abusive relationships, witches, LHP | Meditation links path, deadly path, philosophy, LHP, paganism, witchcraft, Magick, witches, spirituality, Seshat, tagged | Let a CommentBe I would first of all, this post.

View the original article here

Fortunately, instead of you?

While clearly there is no widespread peace on earth today is, just a few hours last night was definitely my little corner of peace in the world. Baked with Greens on the grid, fireplace, the fountain with the dancing waters run the monologue, and I had the iPod to play soft music. This short time, I found a place of recreation and relaxation, shelter a favorite gift-my time with my husband. Suddenly, my attention was that the song is playing in the background. This is a song from the 1980s, "they know it's Christmas" a/k/a "Feed the world". Many of us remember that this musical event was a project to save starving people live in Africa. The crème de la crème of musicians and singers were to participate. I've heard words of that song many times, but for some strange reason, this time they caught my attention: "thank God it's them instead of you."Really? This is fortunately for them, instead of me is someone who is homeless, hungry, and suffering from diseases that are long, long ago taken? I was a little, thinking a conversation with God:

"Shouldn't we hope you will find freedom, peace and joy with us, instead of you and thank you we are here not the victim?" message reminded me of the words Billie Holiday sang in God bless the child.

The message also reminded me how often we hear or, better you than me, "when some unpleasant or, worse, a terrifying experience. As a defender of domestic violence-awareness, resonated within my soul, while reading or viewing a television broadcast coming from another attack of domestic violence, or God forbid, another murder, how often someone else take the same attitude: "Better them than I am." holiday season is a time of year when running rampant domestic violence. I hope that you will do all what it might be to just a few meters walk in shoes of the victim, and ask God that we can do to make a difference. We can pray ... for peace and security. Dare I think read this post, see wake up this morning, Christmas in a phone call you to tell your daughter, sister or mother to the hospital as a result of an attack by their spouse or intimate partner has haste. Many will wake up on Christmas morning, a huge hole in their heart – a gap which can never be completed because a loved both deep was Snatched from them much too early, and violent manner.

It is Christmas. The words sung in the heavens was joy to the world, peace on Earth and goodwill to all men. An unexpected combination of singers, David Bowie dumping Crosby increased as well. To watch the videos, click here:

Bowie & dumping-Little drummer Boy video

I've seen and experienced great despair and sadness this holiday season, but I pray everything can be that the real experience Christmas in their hearts. So, in the words of a Tiny Tim, my prayer is that the whole world:

THE THEOS BLESS US ALL

View the original article here

Study: Dating violence is common among teens

As if it were not enough to fear when it comes to the teenage years, a new study reveals that violence rendez-vous — both physical and verbal — among adolescents is surprisingly common. In addition, were adolescents who reported violence against girlfriends or boyfriends also likely to have committed acts of violence against friends, family members and others.

"The majority of the students who were violent to their partners agreements were generally violent. They weren't picking their appointment partners especially for violence, "said Emily f. Rothman, lead researcher and associate professor at Boston University School of Public Health. (More on youtube.com: complex political intimidation Tween)

For the research investigated researchers 1398 students from 22 high schools in Boston city in 2008. Asked students to indicate that the number of times during the last month had perpetrated violence against colleagues, family members or persons involved with a romantic.

Overall, almost 19% of students reported physical abuse romantic partner during the previous month, including push, push, hitting, punching, kicking or cut. Approximately 43% reported verbally abusing their partner, swearing or inviting them with fat, ugly, stupid, or other attacks. (More on youtube.com: study: ' Hyper-Texting ' Had Sex, teens are more likely to have tried drugs)

Pupils with siblings, more girls (61%) by boys (51 percent) acknowledged using that some form of violence against another person, with violence committed against romantic partners more boys girls. But both boys and girls, tend to an act of romantic partner overlaps with the possibility of using violence against brothers and sisters and age.

As reported by HealthDay:

The study has some caveats, however. Students — nearly 80 percent of whom were black or potential — only came from public high schools. Those who were recently from excluded and findings were items. Also incentives were not considered, as is unknown or teens acted in self defense.

In addition, said that the results can help people living with teenagers detection appointment violence work, Rothman. "This study supports the idea that we must go for children committed violent with siblings and peers and address violent behaviour in General," he said.

Researchers theorized that dates back to violence only one of several problem behaviour was-such as carrying a weapon, academic difficulty and substance misuse — who is logged on by teenagers. Who would have run into legal trouble or small arms have taken and the tombs of school is likely to report violent behavior, such as dating was teenagers who witness violence in their communities. (More on youtube.com: study: more prone to risky sex of teenage girls teen boys)

New study published in the December issue of the archives of Pediatrics and adolescent medicine.

Related links:

16 and pregnant: Teens tuned-in is disabled of teen pregnancy

Too many One-night stands? Blame your genes

Gay teens getting heavier penalties of schools, enforcement, study reveals

View the original article here

10 Christmas and holiday gift ideas for woman abuse from your life

There is a new article on http://www.shrink4men.com/. Offers a parody of the usual Christmas and holiday gift guide. This guide gives gift gallows humor offers suggestions on what to buy for abusive spouses, girlfriends and exes this holiday season.

Here's the link:

Top 10 Christmas gifts for your Abusive, High-conflict wife or girlfriend

Yours sincerely

Dr. Tara j. Pal mat Irishman, PsyD

View the original article here

How serious trauma can affect relations

Error in deserializing body of reply message for operation 'Translate'. The maximum string content length quota (8192) has been exceeded while reading XML data. This quota may be increased by changing the MaxStringContentLength property on the XmlDictionaryReaderQuotas object used when creating the XML reader. Line 2, position 9413.
Error in deserializing body of reply message for operation 'Translate'. The maximum string content length quota (8192) has been exceeded while reading XML data. This quota may be increased by changing the MaxStringContentLength property on the XmlDictionaryReaderQuotas object used when creating the XML reader. Line 1, position 10185.
Error in deserializing body of reply message for operation 'Translate'. The maximum string content length quota (8192) has been exceeded while reading XML data. This quota may be increased by changing the MaxStringContentLength property on the XmlDictionaryReaderQuotas object used when creating the XML reader. Line 1, position 17632.

The following article, written by Dr. Kathleen Young, talks about patients with dissociative identity disorder (aka multiple personality disorder). When reading this article, I noticed that DID bears some resemblance to borderline personality disorder. The article also seems to be directed at those who are survivors of domestic violence. But there are some observations made here that I think can apply to anyone who has survived any type of traumatic experience or abusive relationship:

We all need connection. Interdependence, mutual relationships are crucial for our well being. However, for those who have experienced severe childhood trauma, relationships were also the source of betrayal, wounding and abuse. What does this mean then for those who have been severely abused by parents or caretakers as children? Or those who have dissociated, losing awareness of some aspects of early relationships? For example, those with dissociative identity disorder (DID) may have some parts of their system who only know about the “good mother” while others hold the memories of abuse and/or neglect.  In this way, dissociation can make evaluating who is healthy or safe and who is not more difficult.  This results in obvious and multiple complications in forming and maintaining later relationships.

Some types of relationship difficulties clients of mine describe fairly often include:

Feeling so wounded and mistrustful of people in general it doesn’t feel worth the risk to attempt connections. This results in extreme isolation and loneliness.The belief or fear that there is something so “bad” about oneself that it will harm/destroy anyone you get close to.Premature attaching to others, disclosing sensitive/a great deal of  information about oneself before assessing how safe a choice the other is.Inability to fully assess potential friends and romantic partners due to dissociation. Missing “red flags” due to dissociation, different parts holding information.Experiencing kind, safe, gentle people/relationships as boring, undesirable or frightening.Sabotaging relationships (for example picking a fight) when things are going smoothly or feeling “too” close. This may be a way to get distance, push away or about seeing what happens. For example, if a friend or partner (or therapist) gets angry at you, will they become violent or abusive like childhood figures did?Extreme care taking or people pleasing.  Do you feel like you must suppress your needs/feelings in the service of taking care of others? Do you feel like you must shift who you are in order to be loved/approved of by others around you?Additional adult abusive relationships. You may find yourself in other abusive relationships: with friends, romantic partners or even helping professionals.

How does this happen? How do survivors wind up in unhealthy relationships and what can be done about it?

Imago relationship theory suggests that we wind up repeating early relationship dynamics because we are drawn  to potential partners who are an amalgam of the significant characteristics (positive and negative) of our early caretakers. This explains why children of alcoholics so often wind up partnering with alcoholics themselves as adults, for example. This is not completely bad news: the theory also holds that picking someone who fits this “imago” gives us the unique opportunity to work through our wounding and achieve a different outcome. However, this requires that we are aware enough of our own issues, ready and able to work on them and that our imago choice is not also abusive.  Instead of healing this could lead to re-enacting the abuse experiences with resulting  additional traumatization.

Attachment theory addresses the vulnerabilities abuse survivors face when attempting to form later relationships. Bessel A. van der Kolk, MD describes a “vulnerability to traumatic bonding” for those severely abused in childhood:

People who are exposed early to violence or neglect come to expect it as a way of life. They see the chronic helplessness of their mothers and fathers’ alternating outbursts of affection and violence; they learn that they themselves have no control. As adults they hope to undo the past by love, competency, and exemplary behavior. When they fail they are likely to make sense out of this situation by blaming themselves. When they have little experience with nonviolent resolution of differences, partners in relationships alternate between an expectation of perfect behavior leading to perfect harmony and a state of helplessness, in which all verbal communication seems futile. A return to earlier coping mechanisms, such as self-blame, numbing (by means of emotional withdrawal or drugs or alcohol), and physical violence sets the stage for a repetition of the childhood trauma and “return of the repressed.” [I would add to this another form of "numbing": dissociation!]

What does this mean? Too often survivors hear this as more condemnation of themselves, as proof somehow that there is something innately “bad” about them causing others to behave abusively. I want to emphasize strongly that this is not my experience or how I understand this information.

I see the “repetition compulsion” as an unconscious attempt to master that which went so awry, early abusive relationships. Like imago relationship theory suggests, we all function this way. We all seek to rework the ways we were wounded. The problem arises when those early experiences were severely abusive, leading us to pick another abuser.

Another piece of this puzzle involves understanding the dynamics of abusers. Many abusers are good at selecting “victims”. By that I mean that they can sense who is vulnerable. I believe many abusers test and see how far they can push boundaries and pick partners who will not notice early boundary violations or control tactics. Dissociation, the very thing that is life saving in childhood, can make you more vulnerable as an adult. How do you make good relationship choices if you do not have access to all the information about people in your life? Many clients with DID have described to me having no awareness of the abusive behavior of current people in their life. Only later would we unravel that they were switching to different parts (those used to handling such things) prior to a friend or partner starting to  behave in a way that was borderline abusive. If this information is split off it can impact your decision making and safety.

So what can you do? The answer really isn’t to avoid people altogether. Learning that not all relationships are like your early abusive ones is an important part of the healing process. How can you work on making informed relationship choices?

Avoid going to extremes. Neither isolation or premature, instant attachment are healthy for you. Learn to share of yourself with people in your life gradually, over time.Learn to hear and pay attention to your “inner voice”. This could be your intuition, your gut sense of something feeling not quite right with another person. This could also be the voices of other parts of you. Do not discount what they have to say without exploring it. Yes, some parts may have the job of warning you away from anyone, but there may be valid reason for concerns about an individual in your life.Get to know yourselves. Develop relationships with other parts of yourself. Learn to communicate with each other. Share information about people you are meeting, developing friendships or intimate relationships with.Do you already have someone in your life you trust? A friend? A therapist? Use them as a sounding board or reality check. Share what concerns you. Listen to feedback, especially if you tend to “forget” things that concerned you regarding the new person’s behavior.Remember that trust is something that is earned. Trust is built in relationships by experiencing each other over time. Pay attention to whether what others say and do matches up (or does not), look for consistency over time. Let yourself evaluate whether the relationship is mutual or one sided: do you each get a chance to talk, receive support and attention or does it seem to flow in one direction mostly?Learn how to sort out whether your reactions are present- or past-based.  Are you angry because someone has violated your boundaries now or are you reminded of past experiences?  Sometimes it is both!

We all deserve healthy relationships that nurture and support us. I’d love to hear your experiences: what works for you and where do you still struggle?

View the original article here

Opting Out of an Abusive Relationship

Letting go of an abusive partner is surprisingly one of the toughest choices that victims of abuse will eventually make. Victims are often unaware of the unhealthy turn of their relationship and tend to stay trapped in it unless concerned family members and friends bail them out.

Violence and abuse are often normal in the eyes of the abusive partner, and the victim learns to accept this view after repetitive programming and mental conditioning. If you are in this type of abusive and unhealthy relationship, its about time that you pack your bags and learn the art of letting go. Here are some lessons for you:

When you leave an abusive relationship, prepare to pass through a number of phases. The first of the lot is rationalization.

In this phase, you think of reasons to reconcile or explain your partners abusive behavior: You have done something very wrong and deserve to be abused as a form of punishment. You also presume that your partner is plagued with problems which account for the aggressive behavior. When you are in the rationalization stage, you should allow yourself to be egotistical. Your life is your own business and your responsibility. Your partner should not make you the scapegoat for any screw-ups that occur in your relationship.

The next phase that you experience when you are considering leaving an abusive relationship is one in which you feel that you will be unable to live without your partner. This is extremely common. It is quite likely that as you have progressed through the relationship that the person who has abused you has made you dependent on them for many things.

Your abusive partner has had a considerable degree of control over you after breaking your spirit and rebuilding it sans any regard for your needs. When you withdraw from this control, you tend to feel empty. This is just how things work. Don't get stuck in this stage. If you want to unload the burden of sorrow from your life, you must be ready to leave on your own. You do not need anyone's guidance or control.

Value your personal safety. Your abusive partner cannot always temper any aggressive impulses, so watch out for any type of violent behavior. The smallest problem can very well escalate to a serious and big-time abuse without your knowing.

You could become seriously injured, and you could even be killed as a result of physical abuse. If you experience emotional or psychological abuse, you could end up suffering from depression. Believe it or not, this could actually have an impact on your physical health as well. You must consider yourself, your future, and your health.

Once you decide to walk away from an abusive relationship, it is important to understand that the abuser may not like this at all. They could even attempt to hurt you while you are making the attempt. It is important to ensure that you have a plan that includes additional people that can help you through the experience.

Leave without a trace. Do not give your abusive partner any clue of your whereabouts. Opting out of your unhealthy relationship may no longer be so difficult if you follow these tips.

Liz Johnson is a recognized expert on bad relationships If you have found this article useful please visit her web site for more tips, information and practical advice on leaving an unhealthy relationship

The Hidden Relationship Abuse

Everyone is quite familiar with the problem of physical and verbal abuse in relationships. It sometimes seems to be running rampant in today's society. These relationship demons are very difficult to deal with and produce such a large amount of pain and suffering. However, there is another form of abuse does not seem to be given the attention that it warrants. This is emotional abuse. Some people have put emotional abuse into the same category as verbal abuse. This is a common misunderstanding, and the victims of emotional abuse need to understand the difference of these two forms of mistreatment and to learn that they are not alone. To realize you are a victim of this abuse can then free you to take steps to leaving the relationship in which you are the wounded.

Verbal abuse is the form of abuse in which one person in the relationship verbally attacks the other. There is an endless array of verbal demeaning statements. Commonly known ones are along the lines of "You're stupid", "You're ugly", "You can't do anything right". The perpetrator uses insulting language to degrade the victim and produce a feeling of worthlessness.

Emotional abuse is quite different. When a person is deeply in love with another, they sometimes form a very strong need to please the other. The perpetrator plays off this need and can wreck havoc in the mind of the victim. There are many variations of emotional abuse; however, we will touch on some of most frequent.

One way in which people can be emotionally abusive to another is to deprive them of communication. When the perpetrator is irrationally angry with the other, they may cut off all means of contact. The victim, feeling lost, will repeatedly telephone the other, try to locate them, send endless instant messages, or even send letters via postal mail. The the person responsible for the emotional abuse, in their twisted thinking, will ignore all of the victims efforts, as a form of "punishment". This can leave the victim feeling hopeless and confused, thus when the perpetrator finally resumes communication, the victim will actually thank them profusely for recommencing contact! All talk of the fact that the abuser "disappeared" for that time of "punishment" is ignored, as the victim tries to please the abuser, and does not wish to prompt another reason for a disappearance.

Another commonly used approach of an emotional abuser is to place any and all blame of irrational anger onto the victim. We will use the fictional names of "Steve" and "Kathy" to play out a scenario of this type. Steve tells Kathy that he lost quite a bit of money in his attempt to play the stock market. Kathy shows concern and talks to Steve regarding the awful feeling of losing money. Steve responds defensively, accusing Kathy of only caring about money, and "loving money more than she loves him". The next week, Steve tells Kathy that he spent a good amount of money playing the lottery and lost it all. Kathy now, based on her experience, tells Steve that it is "no big deal" and she proceeds to try to change the subject to a more pleasant one. Steve responds in anger, accusing Kathy of not caring at all of his money situation and telling her that she certainly can not be loving towards him if she does not even care that he lost money. Kathy cannot win. No matter what approach she takes to please Steve, he will find a reason to be angry with her.

Kathy is now feeling frustrated and confused. She may question Steve on his reasoning, to no avail. No matter what logic she implements, Steve will find a way to warp her words and put only himself in a good light. Kathy is in a no-win situation and she is being emotionally abused.

Simply "game playing" is a very common and widespread form of abuse. This can cover a wide range of behavior. A person may act caring one moment and distant the next. This can force the victim to be constantly in a state of worry and never fully knowing where the relationship stands. A person may endlessly break promises, causing the victim to feel hopeless with no feeling of security or safety from the other person's words. The abuser may "casually" mention the attention he or she is receiving from members of the opposite sex. This is done in an attempt to cause jealousy from the victim and instill a feeling of low self-esteem. One person in the relationship may constantly threaten to "leave forever" or "never speak again". This threat is empty and is only told to the victim to infuse a panic of a breakup.

It is usually futile to try to change the behavior of another person. Someone who is emotionally abusive will most probably continue to be so. A strong desire to change and perhaps a large amount of counseling may produce some beneficial results. However, the majority of emotionally abusive people fail to recognize their behavior as being damaging. Since admitting ones faults is the key to fixing them, it can be a long and usually painful journey to attempt to change the person's core behavior.

There is no one who deserves to be on the receiving end of emotional abuse. A relationship with this element will eventually break down the very heart of the victim's self-worth and self-esteem. The relationship will persistently be stormy and unstable. The victim will be incessantly in a state of disturbance. Once this form of treatment is identified as abuse, the victim may then understand that he or she need not allow it.

When confronted, the abuser may promise to stop his behavior, causing the victim to have a temporary relief, only to find that the emotional abuse continues after a day or two. It is at this time, when the victim realizes the mistreatment they are receiving, that they should strongly consider the option of leaving the relationship. Emotional abuse is abuse. It need not be tolerated.

The victim of this abuse may find that the abuser has lowered their self-worth so greatly, that leaving the relationship does not seem to be a viable solution. Speaking with friends and family may help. It is common for victims to keep their experiences of abuse to themselves and expressing the emotional pain they have endured can be freeing. One-on-one counseling may be helpful, as the victim can learn to take control of his or her life. Ideally, if someone recognizes this treatment for what it is, they will take control of their own life immediately. Leaving the abuser and giving themselves the freedom to pursue a meaningful and peaceful life should be their goal.

Written by Alisa Chagnon of http://www.lovebulletin.com Alisa is a freelance writer, focusing on articles regarding relationships. Her services may be obtained by contacting her at Author@lovebulletin.com

Signs of an Abusive Relationship - Can Be Difficult to Analyze Or Describe Because of Confusion

There are many signs of an abusive relationship I will be highlighting here.

Before I go into the signs of an abusive relationship I want to make a point I think is very important.

Often these days we hear that abuse in relationships is just as likely to be perpetrated by women as much as men. As such some think it is unfair to focus on men as the perpetrators.

To put this in perspective let us look at some of the abusive relationship statistics that are well known.

Firstly, we know that at least 1 in 3 women throughout the world is in an abusive relationship.

Secondly, 3 women are killed every day in the States by a partner/ex-partner/cohabiting male. In Australia 1 woman is killed every 5 days. Only yesterday a woman and her daughter were found dead at the bottom of a cliff near Sydney having been thrown there by her husband.

At least 5000 women and girls are killed each year in so called 'honor killings', often after having been raped by a member of their own family.

Countless numbers of women are terrorized by partners/ex-partners every day.

Women are raped regularly by husbands/partners/boyfriends. It is often not seen as being rape but this is what it amounts to as many women are afraid of what might happen if they don't 'come across' as it were.

These abusive relationship statistics highlight the reality that men are more likely to be the perpetrators and women the victims.

To suggest that women are just as likely to be abusive in a relationship as men is not accurate. It is what I would call a 'red herring', that is to say it takes us away from dealing with the real problem and arriving at a solution.

That is not to deny that there may be occasions when women are the perpetrators in an abusive relationship.

I find, when you start looking at relationships, there are so many signs of an abusive relationship as there is such a wide range of abuse.

In this section I want to focus on the signs of an abusive relationship that do not include the physical abuse. My purpose for doing this is that when discussing abusive relationships it is the physical abuse that gets focused on more often than not to the exclusion of other abusive behavior.

Often the person on the receiving end does not detect the abuse as it can be difficult to analyze or describe. This can be especially so when they have been told repeatedly they are the one at fault.

This can lead to confusion and lack of confidence and believing that the one being abused is somehow responsible.

I recall seeing a woman as a client at one stage whose husband was an ogre in the home. He was not physically violent but he treated her and their two children appallingly. Early on in the session I said to her "it has nothing to do with you."

From that point on she was transfixed, and even though we talked of other things, she came back to me several times during the session and said "you mean it has nothing to do with me?"

She had been convinced by him that she was at fault and that is why he treated her and the children so badly.

Other signs of an abusive relationship are when women are put down in all sorts of ways. They are told they are no good in bed, no good as cooks, no good as mothers etc.,etc.

They are told they are sluts, whores, bitches, nymphomaniacs.

When men demonstrate they think they can do whatever they want with no regard for their partners, these are signs of an abusive relationship.

I believe not sharing in domestic and parenting responsibilities is unfair and constitutes signs of an abusive relationship.

I was speaking with a woman recently, who teaches at an elite school, and she told me her highly paid professional ex husband who abused her in a range of ways, never cooked once during their eleven year marriage.

Men who are aggressive by means of tempers, anger or moodiness, demonstrate signs of an abusive relationship. Also when all sorts of threats are made. Such as threats to kill the woman or kill himself if she were to leave.

Throwing objects, slamming doors very forcefully, punching holes in walls etc., are signs of an abusive relationship.

There are so many signs, I could go on and on. Another one is where women are isolated and cut off from their family and friends. Their whereabouts is questioned all the time.

The question often asked is, "why are so many men like this?" In my view the answers given a lot of the time, are not very helpful.

Signs of an abusive relationship are a manifestation about the belief that males are superior to females and can treat them any way they want. Any other explanation is totally inadequate.

Leo has been a counselor for twenty years dealing with a range of issues with clients. During that time he has dealt with relationships primarily. He has given many talks, seminars and workshops on relationships to a broad cross section of people in the community, including other counselors, doctors, nurses, police, politicians, church groups, to name a few. He has also been interviewed by all sectors of the media about aspects of his work. He is the author of "How To Have An Extraordinary Relationship." His website is http://www.relationship-tips-for-you.com

Friend Or Daughter in an Abusive Relationship - 3 Secrets to Saving Your Relationship With Them

Why do we hate victims of domestic abuse?

We hate the hold their perpetrators have over them when it interferes with us getting what love and affection we are accustom to receiving from them.

We hate the frustration of not being able to shake them awake. We hate their choosing to be controlled over the life they had before their abusive relationship.

We don't hate them. We hate what their abusive relationship means to us.

How can we reconcile their choice without it further compromising our relationship with them?

The answer to this question can ultimately save your relationship with them. And moreover, potentially save them as well.

A) Remember they are the keeper of their temple, and they are ultimately responsible to and for their choices.

B) Our ability to honor their position is as important to the well-being of our relationship with them as our motivation to rock their boat.

C) After we have expressed our opinions, played our hand, disclosed the facts we observe, provided the appropriate domestic abuse resources, etc., the rest is theirs.

Relationships are dynamic. As we can remain there for our loved one in an abusive relationship, we can be there when they are ready to grab our hand for help. But until that time, we must be mindful of whom we are helping if we reach out from our own losses.

What can happen if we bully our help with abused loved ones?

Some people believe in the "tough love" approach to helping loved ones in an abusive relationship. However more often than not, this backfires. 

It tells the abused to exercise caution when they are on the outward stroke of the relationship, because candor says "you're right." And when the time comes when you are needed most, you maybe the last person to be called. Ultimately, you may very well  nourish the sinking of the lifeboat that you could have been for your friend or loved one in an abusive relationship.

Keep the lifeboat afloat and enjoy whatever elements of relationship you have with your loved one while on the inward as well as the outward stroke of an abusive relationship.

Domestic violence comes in all shapes and sizes...all levels of danger, oppression and control. There is no one other than the victim in an abusive relationship that knows their situation better than themselves.

As we trust and respect that, we give them what is probably missing in their abusive relationship and we model what we so earnestly long for them to have.

For more information about helping others who are in abusive relationships, see Stop Domestic Abuse Helping Others Break the Cycle, where you can also claim your free Survivor Success Tips and eInsights. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse at home and in court. http://www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com

?2009 Jeanne King, Ph.D. - Domestic Abuse Prevention and Intervention

The 3 Stages of a Mentally Abusive Relationship

Nobody ever walks consciously into an abusive relationship. Rather they 'sign up' for a relationship that, they believe, offers them most of what they want; and they are prepared to compromise on the things that they sense are not on offer. Or, maybe, they think that, in time, they will educate - or train - their partner to provide the other things that they want as well.

"Is that such a bad foundation for a relationship?" you might ask. "People do that all the time."

Of course they do. You are absolutely right. Most people settle for a partner who falls short of their ideal - or, to put it another way, people accept someone who does not altogether measure up to their dream. In some cases it works out well, and in the case of abused women it works out very badly indeed.

What makes for the difference?

Quite simply, it is the shortcomings that people are prepared to accept. Settling for someone whose appearance, dress sense, social status, and education fall short of your aspirations, may well be a perfectly reasonable thing to do. Settling for someone who has a string of past relationships that ended badly, a strong sense of grievance, is quick to express fury and contempt - albeit with other people - is akin to putting your hand in the fire; and then being terribly surprised when that hand gets 3rd degree burns.

The way a new partner behaves towards you in the early days of a relationship, when he is out to win your heart, is less indicative of what lies ahead than the way he behaves towards other people. Especially the 'other people' who 'don't matter'; like people in service industries.

"So, how does this relate to a mentally abusive relationship?"

Having worked with hundreds and hundreds of abused women, I am aware of the gulf between how they define the early, heady days of their relationship and the way things truly were. Women talk about how wonderful and caring their abusive partner was at the start, before he started changing from Mr Nice Guy into Mr Nasty in front of their very eyes.

There is no doubt that mentally abused women believe the story that they tell. Equally, there is no doubt that they view the start of their relationship through the rose-tinted spectacles of denial. In fact, their partner wooed them fast, swept them off their feet, by saying the things that they ached to hear... but - and it is a big but - he showed behaviours that were worrying.

There were times when he was inconsiderate, when he overreacted to situations and became quite angry or punitive towards them. His behaviour was, to put it bluntly, selfish: the relationship was about what he wanted, first and foremost.

In the first stage of the relationship, the woman's mental dialogue is all about making 'it' up to him for his past (and present) problems, and making allowances, and excuses, for behaviours that, she senses, are less than ideal. He may look good, and dress well, and there may well be "chemistry". So, his partner overlooks fundamental differences in their values, and attitudes regarding relationships.

In the second stage of the relationship, Mr Nasty has become very much a part of the relationship. He may be around rather more of the time than Mr Nice Guy. By now, this man has largely stopped making the effort to please his partner. Why should he? Most of the time he can get what he wants from her through intimidation, anger or punishment Why does that work? Why doesn't she just walk away - as she knows that she should? Because she thinks back to all the "potential" for being a great partner that he showed in the early days. She tells herself that, if she tries a little harder and shows him more love and support, sooner or later he is bound to turn back into Mr Nice Guy. When that happens, she will finally have the relationship she desires.

Besides, by now, she has invested so much of her heart and her identity in him that she can't bear to throw away what they had.

In the third stage of the relationship, Mr Nice Guy is little more than a distant memory; at least where his partner is concerned. He may turn on the charm when he is out in public, he may dust off his "nice" side for the benefit of any other woman in town, but in the privacy of his own home he is cold, unloving, fault-finding, punitive and contemptuous.

Of course, his treatment has taken its toll. By this stage, his partner has been so brainwashed by the constant mental and emotional abuse that she has lost her confidence, her self-worth, and her sense of her own identity. She is constantly fearful of provoking another outburst, and she blames herself for everything. Worse still, she has come to treat herself as badly as her partner treats her. She feels completely drained, desperate and hopeless. She simply cannot see a way out.

She cannot see a way out for two very important reasons. First, she doesn't understand what has happened to her, and that it is not her fault. Second, she doesn't know how to heal and get her life back on track. Because she has been so brainwashed, it is almost impossible for her to make the journey back to health on happiness without expert help.

Happily, the world is not as she has been conditioned to see it. With expert help, she will be able to let go of her abusive relationship and create a meaningful life for herself.

A mentally abusive relationship may feel like a living death. Fortunately, there is life after mental emotional abuse. Having survived a mentally abusive relationship, means that you have the strength to heal, and a tremendous capacity, as well as hunger, for the happiness you desire.

Dr Annie Kaszina Ph D, is an Emotional Abuse Recovery writer and Expert. Annie works, 1-2-1 and in groups, worldwide, with women who have struggled in an abusive relationship. She has helped many hundreds of women overcome their insecurities, clear the anxieties and get their life back on track once and for all, so that they can experience all the happiness, laughter, self-esteem and purpose that have been missing from their life. Annie is the author of: "The Woman You Want To Be", one of the top books on the market for healing the trauma of an abusive relationship.

You can get Annie's Free Report "The Seven Things You Need To Know" and sign up to Annie's free bi-monthly ezine by visiting http://www.EmotionalAbuseRecoveryNow.com. You can email Annie at: annie@EmotionalAbuseRecoveryNow.com.

The Relationship Dynamics

It is often said that the relationships one engages in reveal a lot about one's character but I beg to differ and to approach it the other way: the relationships one gets into help to shape one's character. Character comes from experiences, it is who we are and who we are develops from what we brush onto. There is a story of a woman who from childhood had dreams about becoming a very powerful, successful and intelligent wife, lover, mother and business woman all moulded in one. Such dreams propelled her to pursue her studies, relationships and search for information with such vigour. She was considered top of the range by her peers until she got into an abusive relationship. Being in an abusive relationship is toxic to say the least. One loses their identity as their confidence is shattered. Spending several years in an abusive relationship alters one's character in two ways:

(a) As long as one is trying to protect themselves from harm and further abuse, a sense of self is lost. A battle of the mind ensues where; means and ways are devised in order to charm the abuser in a bid to change the status quo. One could throw away their values and adopt mechanisms such as lying, cheating and faking in order to appease the abuser. It also becomes a way of numbing the pain and a solitary place for coping.

(b) If one receives support from society and is properly counselled, the situation in an abusive relationship could help develop resistance, a strong character that is unwavering, a fighting spirit driven by faith and hope in a better outcome. One woman who found herself in an abusive relationship for several years, started off on the deeper end where her character deteriorated as a response to abuse. She became bitter, hostile and of loose morals in a bid to numb the pain. Her relationships with the world at large were tainted by a desire to protect herself from further harm. As a result she could not properly distinguish good intent from bad intent. She picked and got involved with the wrong people as her judgement had been clouded by this incident of abuse in her life. She went about mistreating and hurting other people with the same intensity that she felt abused and therefore her character was badly damaged and her reputation was far from good.

However, as she received counselling and support from society and her friends and relatives, coupled with spiritual guidance and exposure, she began to transform. Gradually, she began to renew her mind, her thoughts, her attitudes and thus her character. Despite the prevalence of abuse and its persistence in her life, she became much stronger to the extent of fighting off the abuse in a psychological way. The abuser was caught off guard as this strong willed woman emerged and began to challenge the abuser, and to clean up her life and to develop a better and stronger character. She learnt to love and trust again against the odds of persistent abuse, to the extent that the abuser was overpowered by her new attitude, strong will and strong character. Within a short space of time, this woman was transformed in a way that began to rub off on other people.She started counselling and helping other people who found themselves in the same situation that she had been.

Mosline Farawu is an Internet Marketer who likes to share daily observations and commentaries made in the news and society. Her compilation of daily observations can be found on her blog at: http://www.observationseveryday.com

Relationship Abuse - Why, What, How? Abuse Help For Women From Broken Homes

The root problem, especially for women from broken homes, is that they long to be loved by a man--even if the relationship is less than healthy. Even if they have to tolerate abusive behavior just to be loved. Following is Chanelle's story.

My home was dysfunctional - unwed mother, no father. Mom did a fine job of raising us, but it was one-sided. So I grew up with this need in me to be loved by a man. A father. A lover. A husband -- either, or, didn't matter. Since there was no positive influence of a man in the house to serve as a role model, there was this huge disconnect.

I mean, how was I supposed to know what a compatible, loving relationship between a man and a woman was like? What qualities a man was supposed to express as a lover and best friend to his wife? Or how a responsible loving father would train his children and set goals for his family to grow and prosper in life? Or how a couple would solve problems in a way that worked when the ride became bumpy?"

So when I became fast and sassy, I listened to the crap the sharpest guys were dishing out. I mean, my role model was listening to the sexy lyrics of MTV and BET videos. RAP music and the like. Checking out who wore the latest fads and had the best line. Basically I was just stumbling around life, looking for love here and there, hoping for the best.

After more hits and misses than I want to own up to, I wound up with Kurt, who moved in. Initially he perpetrated himself as the perfect man for me, wining and dining me, showering me with attention. But it was all a control game. He was manipulating me. You see, the early attention was to convince me that he really loved me. Then when he felt I was won over, he started to wean away, making excuses for his absences. Out with the boys. Gotta meet someone down on the corner. Working late. Excuses beyond time.

Sometimes he'd be gone for days-but of course he'd show up on "pay day", spend my money and dared me to ask where he'd been. And if I did show an attitude -- nighttime pleasures too sweet for words would flow again. He'd love me like no woman could resist and I'd be convinced that he loved me all over again, causing me to forget days of neglect, despite all his crap. Never mind he didn't give me any money, didn't help with the baby, didn't assist around the house - he loved me didn't he? I had a man didn't I? And he was my man.

Then there were the put-downs. He'd call me lazy, inconsiderate, fat, anything that would make me feel guilty for his negativity toward me, suggesting, given my faults, it was a privilege just to have him around. At the time, it didn't matter - I mean, you don't give up on your man. Consequently I found myself doing everything I knew how to please him. Yet many a tear-soaked pillow cradled me through lonely nights. Most times I was irritable, anxious, angry, yet I kept holding on for 13 long years loving him, hoping, praying that we'd stay together, maybe even get married."

Then...One day, the cramping knots in my stomach, the burning pain in my heart, the constant feelings of worthlessness throbbing in my head, told me enough was enough. By that time I'd learned computer skills and landed a job where a coworker recommended a counselor. The counselor taught me principles of self love and how relationships work best and I have never looked back.

Bottom line is when a woman learns to love herself first--she will recognize abuse and won't tolerate an abusive relationship ever again.

My name is Donna Patterson. At http://www.readyformarriagedating.com, I teach women the limits of Uncommitted love and sex to instead discover the six critical decisions necessary to establish Committed Love first, leading to genuine love and a husband as best friend in marriage based on a six-step transitions process. Also, Download 6 FREE Sure-Fire Dating Tips. Click here: http://www.readyformarriagedating.com

10 Signs of Emotionally Abusive Relationships

The signs of a physically abusive relationship are usually pretty easy to see. The actions that define an emotionally abusive relationship, however, are far less clear. How does a man or woman in an emotionally abusive relationship quantify actions that don't leave physical marks? How does someone in a relationship that leaves them uneasy and uncomfortable justify that feeling to themselves or to another? The sad truth is that many times, a man or woman in a relationship with someone who is emotionally abusive may not even understand that she is being abused. There are, however, signs of an emotionally abusive relationship. If three or more of these signs describe your relationship, you may want to learn more about emotional abuse and how it can affect you, your children and your life.

Note: Emotionally abusive relationships come in all shapes. While the word "partner" is used in these signs, it could just as easily be "parent", "child" or "friend". While women and girls are more often the victims of emotional abuse in partner relationships, boys and men are also often victims of emotional abuse. Gender pronouns are used simply as a convenience.

1. Do you find yourself "tiptoeing on eggshells" to avoid making your partner angry?

2. Does your partner frequently ridicule you in front of others and accuse you of having no sense of humor if you object?

3. Does your partner criticize everything you do? Has he ever told you that you're "lucky to have him" or made you feel that no one else could love you?

4. Has your circle of friends and acquaintances seemed to dry up since the two of you have been together? Do you have no friends outside the relationship?

5. Do you have to account for every moment you spend away from the house? Does he or she constantly accuse you of flirting with others when you weren't?

6. Does your partner blame you for his angry outbursts? Is it "always your fault" when something goes wrong?

7. Does your partner control all the finances? Does he control your access to money, work, friends or transportation?

8. Has your partner threatened to hurt herself if you leave, or if you don't do what she wants?

9. Has your partner ever threatened or implied that he would hurt you or your children? Has he threatened to "take your children away" or made comments like "you'll be sorry" or "you don't know what I'm capable of doing"?

10. Do you feel afraid, helpless or angry most of the time?

Though there are no physical bruises visible in emotionally abusive relationship, however the scares left from such abuse lingers for years in some cases. And the worse of all, it can sometimes lead to psychological and mental health issues.

P.S, Enhance your relationship and sex life: learn how to ask delicate but romantic questions that will ignite the spark and set the right mood in your relationship any time; here's the mood setting questions, romance/relationship eBook that you should read. Get your copy of the FREE eBook here

Emeka Ezidiegwu is an author of several romance and relationship publishing. If this article informed you, please feel free to visit us at: http://www.cupidmaster.com/emotionally-abusive-relationships.php for more related and interesting articles.

The Process of an Abusive Relationship and How to Get Out

Are you in an abusive relationship? Do you know someone in an abusive relationship?

There are more women out there than you can image that have been or are in an abusive relationship. Talking about abusive relationships is really hard; it's a tough topic for me to go over, as I have been in an abusive relationship. I feel if you at least know then you may be better prepared if something happens and you might be able to prevent abuse, for yourself or your friends. Or you will find a way out of the abuse.

So what is an abusive relationship?

It's any relationship (not necessarily intimate, can be friendship) where one person is being taken advantage of, forced to do things they don't want to do or being hurt. They may not even realize they are being hurt. The hurt can be emotional, physical or psychological.

What is the process of an abusive relationship?

There are many ways abuse can get started. But there seems to be a general pattern. In an intimate relationship (and this can go for friendship as well) two people meet and they seem perfect for each other. The relationship starts off really well, you like him, he likes you and he gets along oh so well with your friends. You may notice little "red flags" but you may ignore them. Once the abuser has your trust and has put you into a mind frame where you think you know him, things will slowly change. This change can happen weeks in or months in, it depends on how trusting you are and how manipulative he is.

These are some of the things that can happen, not necessarily in this order.

Knowing Your Every Move

He will start asking where you are, who your with, what you did, what time it was at, this will happen for everything. It could be about work, school, going out with friends, a party, family outings, etc. He will want to know everything your doing, in fact he may even call you while your out to check up on you. He may even chose to follow you, odds are you won't know he followed you (if you do, drop him!).

Jealousy

He will start to get jealous of other guys who might be paying attention to you. Or he will be jealous of you looking at a guy or a guy looking at you. This is uncalled for, if you trust each other then he has no reason to be jealous. This can start to extend to your friendships and family. He may be jealous of the time you spend with them or how close you are with them. He might even be jealous of the time you spend doing your homework!

Going Where You Go

He may start to go to everything you go to, even coffee with a close gal pal. He's doing this so he can monitor the situation and conversation. This way you can't say anything about him in front of your friends.

Charming To Your Friends

He might be the perfect guy in front of your friends. He'll do this because he doesn't want anyone to know and then you will also be discredited. Your friends or acquaintances may not believe you "But he seems like such a nice guy, he'd never do that". Or they won't realize there is anything wrong.

Isolation

Over time he may try to isolate you from your friends and family. It could be simple things of "oh don't go to that party just stay here with me". He might get jealous or upset if you go out and convince you to stay with him.

Insults

At some point he will start insulting you. This is to make you lose your self-esteem and self-worth. It might be things like:

- You're wrong.

- You're stupid.

- You're ugly.

- You're fat.

- You can't do anything right.

- You're lucky you have me because you can't get anyone else.

OK, that list could go on and on and on, but I think you get the idea and if you've ever been told any of that you know it's hurtful.

Eventually you will be manipulated into thinking you are worthless, that you are always wrong and everything is your fault.

This is the real beginning of your problems at this point, because it's hard to turn back and get out of the relationship. And no things don't ever get better.

So why can't I get out of the relationship?

Most women feel worthless and feel like they are nobody without this person. Therefore, being scared of what's out there they stay in the bad relationship. When you feel like you're nothing, you are less likely to get help or get out of the relationship, you may feel you do not deserve happiness. The thing is, he's manipulated you into feeling that way. You are a worthwhile human being, you mean something wonderful to someone, and you deserve happiness.

What happens next?

This is when the really bad things start to happen, although if you read the above that's bad enough.

It all depends on what kind of guy he is. He could be:

- Mentally Abusive

- Emotionally Abusive

- Physically Abusive

Any abuse he showed you prior will escalate, he may be the type who drinks and gets really angry and that's when his abusive side will show. Or he might be abusive all the time.

Just keep in mind this won't get better, it doesn't just go away and he will not wake up one day and stop doing this.

He may start insulting you more, hitting you or manipulating you into a bad way of thinking. And of course it can always get worse. You need to get out of the relationship now, you're life is literally at risk.

How do I avoid an abusive relationship?

Well the first thing you can do to avoid an abusive relationship is read the process of an abusive relationship as mentioned above. If you start to see any of that behavior or "red flags", run don't walk, you need to get out of the relationship.

Sometimes it may seem like nothing but if it bugs you or you have a gut feeling, then you need to carefully think about it. There are plenty of men out there, he is not the only one, so don't stay with him because your afraid you won't find someone else.

I had a boyfriend say to me that if I ever cheated on him he would cut my hair off, because it mattered so much to me. That really bugged me, but I shrugged it off, I never forgot about it and stayed with him anyways, it was a mistake. We aren't together any more, that's just another example of red flags and why you should listen to them.

Avoiding an abusive relationship can be tough if you get slowly manipulated. But remember you are an incredible person and you don't deserve to be treated badly, so if it starts even in small ways, move on you can do better. By not getting thoroughly stuck in the relationship you can avoid getting hurt. In the long run the pain you feel from ending the relationship will be far less then the pain he will cause you later, and it will take far longer to pick up the pieces.

I'm in an abusive relationship, what do I do?

Every situation will be different and your plan of action will depend on his actions and your support system. I'll give you a general guide line, but it is up to you to save yourself. No one is going to save you, they can't, it's up to you to take control of your life.

Step 1

Identify that you are in an abusive relationship. Done that? Good now lets get to the action plan.

If you know you're in an abusive relationship and you feel like there's no point in getting out of it, write yourself a pros and cons list for staying. Whatever you put for pros, if you really think about it, they probably aren't that good. Fear of not finding someone is not a good reason to stay in a relationship.

If you are afraid that you can't support yourself, well guess again, anything is possible. You may have to take on a part time job, but isn't that better then feeling worthless because of the person you are with? Find a roommate, that will help pay the bills. You may be eligible for support programs or low income housing. Call around and see what you can find, if you don't reach out, help will not come find you.

Step 2

Identify his patterns. You want to be able to figure out the best way of leaving that will be the least confrontational. If you don't live with him this will be much easier. If you do live with him you need to give this some serious consideration. Those women who pack their things up while he's at work and just move out, before he gets home, they have the right idea. Now you need to make that work for you.

You don't want to pack in front of him, he will try to stop you. Do not give him warning as he will try to stop you. You may have to leave certain things behind, that is just a sacrifice you are going to have to make.

I'm not saying move out at this stage, I'm saying plan for it. You need an escape route and it may take some planning.

Step 3

Find a support group. No I'm not necessarily talking about a group you go to. A support group can be a group of people in the same situation who go to meetings. But more so your support group needs to come from your friends and family.

This is going to be a hard transition you need to have all the love and support you can get. Some of your friends may not be able to help you much. But if they know how to pack and own a vehicle, bingo take it. Make sure your friends and family(who won't possibly tell him) are on board with you and can help you through this. Don't broadcast the plan to a lot of people, you don't want him to find out.

Step 4

Secure a place to stay, it might be at a relatives, a friends. Technically if you can pick a place he won't find you at, then you'll be much better off. Otherwise if you stay somewhere he knows he can stalk you. You might need to bunk down with a couple of friends for a while until you find something more permanent, but if they are your friends they will help you.

Step 5

OK, this is the one you may not like. Go to the police. You do not have to press charges. You need to tell them what has been happening and what you plan to do. Why? This will leave a paper trail. Should you leave and he finds you and gets really mad and hurts you in some way, then the police will already have a prior complaint on record and know this didn't just come out of the blue.

A paper trail makes it easier to prosecute if need be. You don't need to do anything besides report it, you can ask the officer not to take action, just explain you want a paper trail. I've done this before and they are very helpful. If you are afraid he may start stalking you, tell them this, write it down in a statement. Then they know what you are afraid of happening. They may not be able to do anything but at least they have it on record until something else happens.

Step 6

Are you ready? Now it's time to put your plan into action and get the heck out of there. Protect yourself in whatever way you can. Remember if a person is abusive they already have a few screws loose, they may go to different extremes when they discover your gone. But the fear of something happening won't make your situation better, you can't stay out of fear. Take back your life right now!

My friend is in an abusive relationship, what can I do for her?

If you have come to realize that your friend is in an abusive relationship good for you. She will need all the support you can give her.

Sadly a lot of people have a hard time asking for help. And a lot of people have an even harder time being told they need help. You're friend may be in denial about the situation and won't want to hear what you think is happening. This won't make it easy. If you tell her how you feel she may cut communication off completely with you. Her reaction shouldn't be taken personally, she has been manipulated.

You know your friend best, so you know how to best handle the situation. If she doesn't like confrontation and would shut down if you approached her about the abuse, then don't bring it up.

Try to encourage her to talk and think out loud. Let her sort out her unconscious thoughts and put the pieces together by herself.

The very best you can do is be there for her. If you read the above steps of getting out of an abusive relationship you will know how to better help her and what you can do for her.

It's going to be a very tough situation, for you and her.

The Abusive Relationship Rules

1.You can not change the guy, not matter how hard you try.

2.No, things will not get better in the relationship.

3.If you see a red flag, run like hell!

4.Insulting you is not ok.

5.Hitting you is not ok.

6.You're needs are more important than his.

7.You will not be self sacrificial because you think that leaving him will hurt him.

8.If he threatens suicide or commits suicide, it is NOT YOUR FAULT! You could not have prevented it, these are his actions, not yours.

Self Doubt

It's easy to start doubting ourselves and feel like the situation is hopeless. So I'll tell you a short version of my story to help lift you up a bit.

I went through an abusive relationship for 2 years, emotionally and physically, I eventually got help and managed to get out of it. I later entered into what I thought was a good relationship, as it turned out it really wasn't, it lasted 4.5 years. Now I am in the most incredible relationship with the most wonderful guy. You just have to kiss a lot of toads before your prince charming comes along.

Moral of the story? Don't give up and don't settle for anyone. You owe it to yourself to find the right guy who will treat you right!

If you need a mantra to say to yourself to get through the hard moments, try one of these:

-I am loved, loving and love able.

-I deserve happiness. I deserve good things.

Holly Edwards
The Woman's Survival Guide to Sexual Health

Learn more about relationships.

http://www.the-womans-survival-guide-to-sexual-health.com