Sunday, July 17, 2011

10 signs of an abusive partner

Tell someone: 10 surprising draw an offensive Guy Dating

Posted: 05/7/11 11: 16 AM ET

I must be crazy to hook up with an abuser, right? This is what I thought, but after our relationship work history violence for six months, was shocked by how smart and cool women who received the victims. The thing is, these guys are super charmers, Oscar-worthy performance of Mr. dream Dude — at least they while your wooing. And then, when your madly in love, they got together, ka-bang their true colors, violent initiation.

The good news: there is clear risk had a man is a abuser before a fist ever — and start with your only with a funny feeling in the pit of your stomach. Because the possessiveness and control are significant red flags, Cindy Southworth, a Deputy in the national network against domestic violence, this little test: "breaking down a date at the top, where it is all hot and heavy, and tell him your girlfriend needs. If it says, "I'm disappointed, but I understand, ' great. But if it is, ' I can't wear apart ", or makes you feel guilty, put your friend or angry, it's not a good omen!"

Here are some other red flags from the Southworth and all of the Group of experts on the national network against domestic violence, both for you and — in case you're worried about a friend — to:

Note If your man:

Both are crazy for you who wants to settle in once you meet. Creepy, is really jealous. (This should be uncomfortable if you go away for the weekend with your ex-boyfriend, but if your flirting denounces is a red flag). Attention so much that sometimes texts, your outside. I do not believe that friends and family that enough, or even altogether.
Also watch out if: are tired you always because your keep night. I always explain to the people "not gonna." your concern if you have a few soars minutes late – you know how angry he is. Things is always your own fault. You can find many apology emails or makeup gifts from him. You won't find anything without him or without him for approval.

Run as:

!! You can find out who had a violent relationship with an ex-girlfriend. !! This mischoys — at work, online, with GPS in your car. !! He defeats a friend or a punch-out in a row. !! Was never cruel with animals. !!! It is, of course, never violent.

And if you're worried about a friend? Could the problem as:

Started by saying that it doesn't come on things that you invite can (because it must be with her boyfriend). When you're with her, always on edge about returning messages immediately or leave to meet him. Have bruises or scratches can not explain this or tells the result of an accident. This stops doing things that she loved before the appointment of guy — hobbies, shopping, school and even work. Just the feeling of your loss.

You or a friend ever experienced any of these warning signs?

***** Liz Brody is editor at large glamour. More information about the relationship between violence and join the glamour said someone campaign to safely keep women now.


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From a legal standpoint, you should speak with your wife?

By Robin Roshkind, Esquire, West Palm Beach, Florida

If you're in a procedure for divorce, and each Contracting Party shall be represented by a lawyer for divorce, I give the floor to your spouse, legal?

The question is often weddings where abusive behaviour.  The logical answer: you just need to talk with your wife about your children.  Another thing, you can use the lawyers.

Marriages where there are children shall be presumed, and both parents, parental responsibility and equal rights in the education of her children to share, communicate with children and care for children, unless a court order says otherwise.  Both parents have the right to be informed about the fate of children and the welfare of children, even without a judicial decision.

So, if you aren't interested to talk with your wife, you're not, except for your children.  If your spouse information for any other question asks, can you say that a lawyer.   In cases where there is no representation in the pro se divorce, of course, that is a game-changer, and then to communicate with the part about the hearings, costs, and other domestic matters.

For more information call one of the lawyers on divorce in ROBIN ROSHKIND, p.a. in 561 835 9091 or click on the company's website at www.familylawwpb.com.

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Saturday, July 16, 2011

The danger zone of divorce: do not give an abusive ex-husband, just say no!


There is a new article on http://www.shrink4men.com/that discusses one of the most common mistakes people make when separating a woman very disturbed-conflict or abusive personality. Many men enter what divorce lawyer David t. Pisarra men family law required the dangerous zone, that is absurd and unfair demands of ex-spouses just to high-conflict divorce. The power of saying no is discussed as an important step for abused men during a divorce and recovery be involved in an abusive woman.

Here is the link:

The danger zone of divorce and the power of NO: giving a high-conflict on the completion of the divorce is often a big mistake

Shrink4Men Coaching and consulting services:

Dr. Tara j. Palmatier offers confidential, fee-for-service, consulting/coaching services to help both men and women work through relationship problems by phone and/or Skype chat. The practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and targeted results. Visit the page for Shrink4Men services for professional examinations.


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Integration of Dr. Tara Palmatier second Radio show on fool-Proofing your life


There is a new post in the www.Shrink4Men. com, allowing for integration on May 10, 2011 AVfM radio program with Dr. Tara j. Palmatier. The issue is, Crazy-your language program romantic life and life in General. Relationships with abusive men abused, personality disorders, men and children, victims of high-impact, professional people, women, parental alienation, predatory harassment at the workplace, working environments and troubleshooting strategies discussed are toxic.

Here is the link:

Listen to Dr. Tara j. Palmatier radio AVfM: fool-Proofing your nest for romantic life

Shrink4Men Coaching and consulting services:

Dr. Tara j. Palmatier offers confidential, fee-for-service, consulting/coaching services to help both men and women work through relationship problems by phone and/or Skype chat. The practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and targeted results. Visit the page for Shrink4Men services for professional examinations.


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Friday, July 15, 2011

Minibus abuse

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You almost killed by people who should be killed because they are 2-3 years younger than me are

The trip to the middle school was awful. HORRIBLE. I ran into this one girl and a flyer offered and started talking and Guard says: ' Sorry, I have a life, but good luck finding losers join. ' I would like to prevent the stump. However, it was about 2 feet Taller than me and my navel could have attacked. * shudder * never more

ON A BETTER NOTE:

My friend Harley started a blog. : D

Checks to see if it? Yes? (:

http://www.darkstarrising.WordPress.com/

Links: JOSHHHHH (hidden from view: birthday: January 28,2011 Birthday: March 9th brothers and sisters: Katie (13) color: Hazel Height: 5 ' 4 "favorite animals: Girrafes, ostriches. Favorite eye color: blue/green (: (which happens that Josh) pronunciation: my favorite mother

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Thursday, July 14, 2011

Domestic violence, so that the victim selection

It is time to leave?

Are you a victim of domestic violence/intimate partner, don't take it as encouragement to stay in an abusive relationship. And also for the victims, this post is mainly targeted at all members of the family, friends and colleagues of the victims of abuse. I hope that the victims and those who interact with victims will have a comment for research.

It is customary for friends and family members to push the victim to leave. Often hear is, "never touching my daughter!" or "I'm making my business!" is that my personal experience my mom yelling at me, "will pay for this if you go and get a divorce." everything as I mentioned in my arms baby, standing in her home, while my husband was Carousing with his friends drink my son had included. I only have the levels of fear and confusion that I had worked with the time added. And I was of that quote, I would never have given birth to my daughter. Life would be incomplete, as I understand it today.

When you start promoting your own opinions and beliefs on a victim, even if not intended, it adds pressure, confusion and guilt. These may not be entered feeling that is their responsibility to do everything. You can see, we have learned already to everyone for our own well-being. The offender or offender has planned for us do just that and hitting the victim to make a selection only add their dilemma and mindset the abuse. Ironically, your good intentions can only be shown dissatisfaction of the victim.

Victims of abuse is often part of the "Walking Dead," If you want. You will pass resolutions, do what we had expected, but never stopped to consider what we can do with our lives. This is for everyone except us.

What you can do to the victim? Support them in their choices. I.e. you are not in favour of the choices you make, but you are personally in favour of the victim. Let us know you care, that their love, and that you are there-if and when ever they want to talk, or you might need your help.

Share valuable information that will help them wiser decisions. See the support page for the victims on my website. Recommends that you read the posts on this blog. Give them the number to the domestic violence hotline in your area, or to tell them if they ever are in crisis and need someone to talk to, Call 211. If they feel that their lives are in danger, tell them to call 911.

What you need to do is tell them to pray harder, previously abandoned or for a divorce. Here the most important factor is to encourage the victim to take back power and control over their own lives. To tell them what you need to do is another form of power and control that belongs to them. Support, encourage them to find their own answers and you realize what is needed is more the victim.

Listen to the interview with Carolyn with Cynthia Brennen, help, hope and healing. "visit everyday health, emotional well-being, website or blog at orangeblossomwishes.com


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Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Use of all those who work scheduled

In a previous posting discussed the cycle of abuse, we how the offender the victim fall into an unhealthy cycle. Although the months or even years, may eventually lose their self-respect and the victim, the own identity. Usually by this time the victim is so socially isolated and pulling that can only rely on the offender. by that time the victim accepts the abuse as a "normal". He and they will remain in the relationship because they feel that they are not better than the perpetrator. This is what the offender. Complete control and domination.

Apart from maintaining the victim spinning aimlessly around in a circle of abuse, there are specific tactics that an abuser used to get and retain the control of the victim.

Dominance: the offender to exercise control over the victim, if possible. He or she will decide by the victim, when and where. For example, may be the culprit by the victim, what can I say wear these or these or where he or she can go. The offender will tell the person what to do and expect to live without question. The offender will fall victim as a slave, servant, a piece of property.

Humiliation: one of the most effective ways of breaking the spirit of man wants to denigrate them. The offender will use the name phone, put downs, public reprimand and shaming the victim to feel bad itself. He or she will tell you what you might think of chip away at the self esteem of the victim. If the offender the victim feel useless and faulty, you can easier. Also reduces the chance of a person leaving the relationship.

: Isolation of from the time that the offender, the victim is feeling useless, he or she will act to the victim that depend on them. The offender does this by isolating the victim from friends and family. many victims of abuse need to request permission to go places and see their loved ones. First some abusers can even prevent the victim from going to work or school.

Threats and intimidation: if it is resistant to the perpetrator tries to take control of the victim will often threaten or intimidate him. The two used to scare the victim into submission and to remain in the relationship. The offender can weapons Show or property damage. He or she can also threaten to harm or kill the victim, their family and friends or pets. Some drug users may even threaten to harm or kill themselves if the victim remains with him.

Excuses: maltreatment virtually never would take responsibility for their own deeds. He or she will often deny the abuse never took place or that the victim about exaggerating. When the perpetrator to admit error, the perpetrator is full of excuses. He or she had a bad day. He or she had a bad childhood. He or she was a bad relationship. He or she is simply afraid to lose from the victim. At the end of the day is never the culprit responsible for bad behavior. Instead, he or she shifts the blame to the victim. Somehow he always responsible for the abuser actions.

Contrary to popular perception, the offender full control.  The perpetrator who chooses to abuse and when and where to exploit them. Everything he or she is not to dominate the victim. Being so closely that nobody but the offender and the victim actually know what happens.

If you or someone you know being abused, it is important to get help. Tell someone you trust about abuse. If you think they can't help you or you need help, call 1800 -799-ASFALeS.

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Shows how to live


Getting started with children is one aspect of the deal with people in General, although this is not the same thing. Children have different requirements for relations than adults, and vice versa.

Don't forget that our children are parents of the future. If in our way, we are better prepared for working parents, I have something of quality added to the society.

If children live with criticism, learn to condemn.

If we criticize people would condemn us.

If children live with hostility, learning to fight.

If we are hostile to humans, they will fight us.

If children with laughter life, learn to be shy.

If we all these people, their sense of self-worth.

If children live with shame, learn to guilty.

If we shame people will increase the burden of debt.

If children live with tolerance, learn to be patient.

If we are complacent, people will be patient with us.

If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.

If we citizens to increase their confidence to encourage.

If children live with praise, learn to appreciate.

If you praise people, I feel the same.

If children with fairness, justice and learning life.

If we are honest, will people not feeling judged.

If children live with safety, learn to trust.

If we offer security, teach people that we can be trusted.

If children live with approval, learn to like themselves.

If you need approval, keep people themselves.

If children live with acceptance, learn to find love in the world.

If we accept people as they are touched by our love.

You can change other people don't? You can only change yourself.

~ Adapted from William Stewart make the most of your relationships ~

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Tuesday, July 12, 2011

George Keisling ...

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Domestic violence-how we offer spiritual support?

Domestic violence is not a religion

Domestic violence is not aware of any person or religion. You can see, when it is abused, it happens every day in the Jewish, Muslim, Christian, Catholic or Hindu origin. Also appear daily in houses atheists or agnostics. I suppose we can say domestic/intimate partner violence is a matter of religions. So, what do to with this dilemma?

Say Christianity is a form of punishment for a Muslim, or vice versa? Religion, who has upset matters like this?

What we do for those who completely alienated from organized religion, self-righteous individuals have become critical or dogma? Can work in panels of the denomination or religion and work together to help all victims of these religions? We can sit together and find out what they are victims of domestic violence/intimate partner violence or sexual needs and solutions, and then, in turn, to our community by applying what they learn to find and the injured, broken, bruised and battered plot back us asylum? And don't forget, shelter is not only a building-is also a part of the peace and security.

Most of us have a religious practice in the selection. Some have chosen to not worship God altogether. Nothing prevents us from having the ability to ask prayer or spiritual support in these terrible times as serious of a spouse or intimate partner, regardless of location or our mental state.

And what about couples of the same sex? Yes, the domestic violence takes place there, too.

This is not so much about what to do, but rather to the problem- what can be done? the judgmental, condemn, trying to force our beliefs on another at a time when they are less likely to be able to listen and absorb what is being said is counterproductive.

So, how can we deal with love and support to victims of domestic violence/intimate partner who is not of our faith-or do we even bother to try?

Listen to the interview with Carolyn with Cynthia Brennen, help, hope and healing. "visit everyday health, emotional well-being, website or blog at orangeblossomwishes.com

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Monday, July 11, 2011

The secrets that you Dear

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There is a web that often forms with abuse that can entangle you without ever alarming you of the fact that you are caught in its net.  The web is made up of secrets.  Secrets containing honesty, secrets containing pain…secrets that form and contribute to your true perspective and evaluation of a situation.  The most confusing aspect of this web is that its nature is so crafty and completely deceptive that it can very quickly lead you to sincerely feel that the very trap that you are being held in is not a trap at all, but that it is actually protecting you and keeping you safe.  

  So we hold tight to our secrets.  We keep them close to us and we wrap ourselves in them.  We clench them in our fists and hold them against us and forget what it feels like to have open hands outstretched.  When we begin to consider releasing our tight grip, the pain forms so sharply throughout our constricted fingers that we immediately re-close our hands and continue to hold our secrets with hands that tightly shut.   We hate them… but… they are OURSWe know them.  They are familiar.  Comfortable, yet horribly uncomfortable at the same time.

We are so afraid to share our secrets.  Our fear is based partly on pride.  “What will they think of me?  What if they don’t believe me?  What if they blame me, judge me, hate me?”  Another part of our fear is the fear of destruction… If we share this, damage may be done.  Pain may result, feelings might be hurt… Or we may be afraid of literally destroying someone else… we feel that we are protecting them, trying to salvage a relationship, or maybe even trying to protect them from blaming themselves and taking responsibility.  Or maybe we are afraid that we are mistaken… we have misunderstood, misinterpreted the situation… “is this really abuse?  Maybe I’m over reacting… Maybe this is really my own fault.  If I wouldn’t be so _______, if I wouldn’t say _______, then this wouldn’t happen”.

So we sit, in our web.  We sit with our atrophied legs curled beneath us.  We resent it.  We consider our options, review them again in our minds and we remain still.  We sometimes abhor how absolutely alone we are, but then when we look around at the spacious, comfortable place that we know and call home, we convince ourselves that it is better  that we don’t have to share.  That this is ours and ours alone.  At least it is seemingly intact!  Often times we even reward ourselves and commend ourselves for staying put!  We are so strong, to endure, to behave kindly, to protect, to keep peace.

  But is this strength?  Is this peace?   The World English Dictionary defines the word Peace as: The state existing during the absence of war.”  The constant discomfort and the war that rages inside of us is evidence that this truly could not be peace.

Strength and peace will begin to form only long after truth begins to surface and as secrets are exposed.    Though as they do begin to surface, turmoil will most definitely ensue… because at that moment the web that has been holding us, “cradling us” so safely will begin to break and when it does there will be pain, anxiety, insecurity, and sheer panic as we begin what feels like the most tumultuous perpetual free fall with the only end in sight appearing to be the unyielding and unwelcoming ground below that we are plummeting towards at an incredibly accelerated speed.

What we cannot see as we dizzily spin out of control and are flung from this web is that the ground beneath us that appears to be so rigid and rock like, is so much more solid than any place that we have ever been.  What appears to be a brutal end to our security is actually the most absolute and definite resource that we will ever know.  In our frantic trepidation we aren’t able to see the green, lush grass forming in the distance that is blowing in the wind and waiting to cushion our fall.  We are completely overlooking  and unaware of the fact that our feet are quickly, almost instinctively, settling themselves beneath us and straining for something solid to stand on, after so long of being unused and our muscles having long grown weak. So distracted by the feeling that comes from having all familiarities stripped of us and no longer being concealed and protected we are completely exposed and the shock and humiliation that we feel cause the rising temperature and the yellow hues from the sun go unnoticed as we begin to move from the cold and isolated world that we knew so well, into the warm and inviting sunlight.

Secrets of abuse may artfully appear like admirable loyalties to ourselves or others around us, but when you pull yourself back and evaluate them from an aerial perspective, you will see that the web that has formed is in fact very clearly and incontestably, the sole obstacle that is keeping you from being whole, healthy, and strong, and that separates you from having your feet planted firmly on the ground. 

So what then, is it worth to me to sacrifice, to risk, by sharing my secrets?  How great is the cost of my choice?  If I am being truly and decidedly honest with myself, I will see that the only true risk I am taking is the risk of exposing to myself the harsh and unpleasant-to-swallow reality that what I thought to be concrete and solid was completely artificial and was never truly there.  The people I have been “protecting” and devotedly “loving” when examined closer,  in actuality I am aiding, abetting, and enabling (and might I add condoning, endorsing, and now actively PARTICIPATING along with?) to cause harm and wreak devastation in the future of those that are the receivers of their abuse.  The relationships that I am “destroying” by bringing the truth to light are so full of walls, lies, falsities and barricades that there is not a single ounce of space for truth or love or communication and they weakly crumble and disperse into the microscopic particles that they are made of.  The reputation that I was dutifully sheltering by keeping my secrets to myself, when further scrutinized and reviewed, is in fact considered strong and in good standing in the eyes of one individual and in contrast long ago failed and marred in the eyes of another…  (This is how it has always been and this is how it will always be, regardless of my actions, my strengths, my weaknesses, I cannot center my choices on the goal to please or gain approval from others)   Regardless of where anyone stands and the judgments that are formed when they look at me in truth and as I am, the very best that I can offer through my transparent vulnerability is to have my feet planted solidly and standing firmly on the ground.  And here and now, and ONLY now, is when the peace and strength begin to become evident, and I finally begin to understand what those words truly mean.

Posted on Sunday, May 1st, 2011 at 1:17 am in Overcoming Abuse   |  RSS feed |   Respond   |   Trackback URL

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Church role in domestic violence

The Church-what is the role of the DV?

We have achieved a level of the crisis in the work to combat domestic violence in our nation today. If this check box is selected, even at the very least you'll be more awareness, education and knowledge about the face of domestic violence.

One of the three women in the United States, sometime during her lifetime, be victimized by any form of domestic violence. This is 1 of 3, or a third of the women in this country. Is someone who Is in a ministerial capacity, as well as support works for raising awareness of domestic violence and sexual assault, I realize the Church just needs to be more educated on these pillars, characteristics and methods of combating these evils if husband sexual abuse assault and battery.

There are women who are beaten, almost on a daily basis, walk among us. They hide it well. Enough makeup will cover one eye and bruised neck. Long sleeves to hide the bruises, where it has grabbed and brutally shaken maybe. Unfortunately, there are some women who have physically beaten by Papers or crosses. What to do in these situations?

I'm in the process of the adoption of a programme [1], making use of the information and materials made available through my work with non-profit and other ministries, to add to my own testimony as a former victim-turned-survivors and now the prosecution for those who are still trapped working abuse and attack. The idea is to take account of this information with our churches, the clergy and congregations, helping them to new knowledge and understanding of the complexity of domestic violence, sexual abuse or sexual abuse of children, to acquire and to educate and equip them to reach the victims, the wounded, drawing, fearful and beaten in an environment where they feel safe and intellectually supported.

After all, there is not this what true religion is all about? No paper fist, pointing his finger or revictimization, but encourage, support and pure love of God-his hand extended.

DV victim looking for help from the Church

If you have done this at least unto them, have done for me.

Listen to the interview with Carolyn with Cynthia Brennen, help, hope and healing. "visit everyday health, emotional well-being, website or blog at orangeblossomwishes.com


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Sunday, July 10, 2011

Before the nuptial agreements and divorce ...To persist?

By Robin Roshkind, Esquire, West Palm Beach, Florida

I get this question all the time in my practice … my divorced agreement is enforceable, but now I would like to divorce?  The answer is it depends on the agreed terms.

The initial test speed is how long before the wedding was the divorced agreement is negotiated and implemented?  If it was less than 30 days, could claim coercion.

Both parties had representation by lawyers?  If a party was a lawyer and not the other, it could be an over reach claim.

There were honest and full disclosure of Finances on behalf of both parties?  You want to know what your rights are waiving when you waive rights via a divorced agreement.  Full disclosure also avoids claims of fraud.

The parties read, understood and agree to what has been signed with full knowledge and intent to be bound?  Everyone should read and understand what their assent.

There is no obstacle language?  This last point, read and understand the divorced agreement.

If there was any doubt about the above points, a divorced agreement be questioned and possibly canceled.

Divorced agreements determine what happens in the future.  It is expensive to prepare for, and sometimes requires expertise of taxes and estate planning assistance, and divorce assistance.  For more information call one of the lawyers for divorce at ROBIN ROSHKIND, p.a. in 561 835 9091 or click from the company website at www.familylawwpb.com for more information.

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From a legal standpoint, you should speak with your wife?

By Robin Roshkind, Esquire, West Palm Beach, Florida

If you're in a procedure for divorce, and each Contracting Party shall be represented by a lawyer for divorce, I give the floor to your spouse, legal?

The question is often weddings where abusive behaviour.  The logical answer: you just need to talk with your wife about your children.  Another thing, you can use the lawyers.

Marriages where there are children shall be presumed, and both parents, parental responsibility and equal rights in the education of her children to share, communicate with children and care for children, unless a court order says otherwise.  Both parents have the right to be informed about the fate of children and the welfare of children, even without a judicial decision.

So, if you aren't interested to talk with your wife, you're not, except for your children.  If your spouse information for any other question asks, can you say that a lawyer.   In cases where there is no representation in the pro se divorce, of course, that is a game-changer, and then to communicate with the part about the hearings, costs, and other domestic matters.

For more information call one of the lawyers on divorce in ROBIN ROSHKIND, p.a. in 561 835 9091 or click on the company's website at www.familylawwpb.com.

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Saturday, July 9, 2011

How to spot a sociopath

How to tell if someone is a sociopath


How to Tell If Someone Is a Sociopaththumbnail
Always on the lookout for sociopaths.

A sociopath is characterized by the absence of social emotions such as love, guilt, shame or remorse. According to the University of Tennessee-Knoxville, sociopath has no "a sense of moral responsibility and social conscience." Psychopaths program often to manipulate others without consequences. Is the icy way the sociopath stops his victims, which illustrates the lack of moral compass and separated from other human beings. difficulty: moderate Challenging1

Note the person in everyday life to assess interactions with others. Psychopaths can be charming, but their actions are calculated for manipulating others. Common behaviors include fraud, fraud and deceit, and feelings of the victim of his emotions be fooled. (Reference 1)

(2)

Watch for signs that the person looking for something that they want at the expense of others. According to the Austin Peay University runs the sociopath life around his own needs without reference to others. (2)

(3)

Verify that the stories and the suspicion sociopath information provided. Psychopaths usually carry complex backgrounds, suddenly, value and experience and just lie to others give them what they want to convince.

(4)

Search due to the lack of expression of guilt or remorse for illegal actions towards others. Lack of emotion and usually signals failure apology sociopathic tendencies. Convicted of violent crimes psychopaths usually remain expressionless and presenting a grim abroad.

(5)

Assess whether the person is mentally able to understand their actions. Usually, psychopaths understand their actions and know they are wrong or socially unacceptable, but just don't care. Mentally challenged individuals might not have the cognitive capacity to understand their own actions.

(6)

Care for psychological tests for the determination of the stability of the atom. Children can sociopathic characteristics in his early teens. Lies, theft and problematic laws may signal the beginning sociopathic personalities. Psychological tests on the rules that other psychological problems that pose with similar characteristics.


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Let's talk about friendship

I recently hit friendship author on Examiner.com. Check out my page here.

I exchanged views on certain topics for friendship and something that I would like to do an article somewhere/funniest/most egregious/standard/daily/wonderful stories of how my friends and readers meet their best friends. Please comment below with your story or email me at marzipanjoy@yahoo.com with your story. And if you have other suggestions for articles, I can change my friendship, I would really like to hear them!

So far I've written about the letter writing, what to do if your friend in a insulting or otherwise unhealthy relationship and ideas is a gift for friends to graduate. If you want articles, let me know and comment on articles.

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Friday, July 8, 2011

Dirty tricks in high-conflict custody disputes, part 1: preparation


There is a new article on http://www.shrink4men.com/that deals with common dirty tricks, by people in high-conflict and/or abuse personality disordered individuals who refuse to cooperate and be responsible for co-parents be used. Prepares non-HCP and non-disordered parents about what to expect when booking and with a parent who is determined to restrict visitation and removing children from the other parent.

Here is the link:

Family Court minefields: dirty tricks used by people in high-conflict in custody disputes and parallel parenting, part 1

Shrink4Men Coaching and consulting services:

Dr. Tara j. Palmatier offers confidential, fee-for-service, consulting/coaching services to help both men and women work through relationship problems by phone and/or Skype chat. The practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and targeted results. Visit the page for Shrink4Men services for professional examinations.


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Emotional abuse

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What is Emotional Abuse?
Abuse is any behavior that is designed to control and another person through the use of fear, humiliation, and verbal or physical assaults. Emotional abuse is any kind of abuse that is emotional rather than physical. It can include anything from verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics, such as intimidation, manipulation, and refusal to ever be pleased.

Emotional abuse is like brain washing in that it wears away at the victim’s self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it is done by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of “guidance,” “teaching,” or “advice,” the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient of the abuse loses all sense of self and remnants of personal value. Emotional abuse often cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be far deeper and more lasting than physical ones.

Types of Emotional Abuse
There are different forms of emotional abuse. Three general patterns of abusive behavior include aggressing, denying, and minimizing.

Aggressing

Aggressive forms of abuse include name-calling, accusing, blaming, threatening, and ordering. Aggressing behaviors are generally direct and obvious. The one-up position the abuser assumes by attempting to judge or invalidate the recipient undermines the equality that is essential to healthy adult relationships. This parent-to-child pattern of communication (which is common to all forms of verbal abuse) is most obvious when the abuser takes an aggressive stance.
Aggressive abuse can also take a more indirect form and may be disguised as “helping.” Criticizing, advising, offering solutions, analyzing, probing, and questioning another person may be a sincere attempt to help. In some instances, however, these behaviors may be an attempt to belittle, control, or demean rather than help. The underlying judgmental “I know best” tone the abuser takes in these situations is inappropriate and creates an unequal relationship.

Denying

Invalidating seeks to distort or undermine the recipient’s perceptions of their world. Invalidating occurs when the abuser fails to acknowledge reality. For example, if the recipient confronts the abuser about an incident of name calling, the abuser may insist, “I never said that,” “I don’t know what you’re talking about, “ etc.
Withholding is another form of denying. Withholding includes refusing to listen, refusing to communicate, and emotionally withdrawing as punishment. This is sometimes called the “silent treatment.”

Minimizing

Minimizing is a less extreme form of denial. When minimizing, the abuser may not deny that a particular event occurred, but they question the recipient’s emotional experience or reaction to an event. Statements such as “You’re too sensitive,” “You’re exaggerating,” or “You’re blowing this out of proportion” suggest that the recipient’s emotions and perceptions are faulty and not to be trusted.
Trivializing, which occurs when the abuser suggests that what you have done or communicated is inconsequential or unimportant, is a more subtle form of minimizing.
Denying and minimizing can be particularly damaging. In addition to lowering self-esteem and creating conflict, the invalidation of reality, feelings, and experiences can eventually lead you to question and mistrust your own perceptions and emotional experience.

Understanding Abusive Relationships
No one intends to be in an abusive relationship, but individuals who were verbally abused by a parent or other significant person often find themselves in similar situations as an adult. If a parent tended to define your experiences and emotions, and judge your behaviors, you may not have learned how to set your own standards, develop your own viewpoints, and validate your own feelings and perceptions. The controlling and defining stance taken by an emotional abuser may feel familiar or even comfortable to you, although it is destructive.

Recipients of abuse often struggle with feelings of powerlessness, hurt, fear, and anger. Ironically, abusers tend to struggle with these same feelings. Abusers are also likely to have been raised in emotionally abusive environments and they learn to be abusive as a way to cope with their own feelings of powerlessness, hurt, fear and anger. this often makes abusers attracted to people who see themselves as helpless or who have not learned to value their own feelings, perceptions, or viewpoints. This allows the abuser to feel more secure and in control, and avoid dealing with their own feelings and self-perceptions.

Understanding the pattern of your relationships, especially those with family members and other significant people, is a first step toward change.

Are You Abusive to Yourself?

Often we allow people into our lives who treat us as we expect to be treated. If we feel contempt for ourselves or think very little of ourselves, we may pick partners or significant others who reflect this image back to us. If we are willing to tolerate negative treatment from others, or treat others in negative ways, it is possible that we also treat ourselves similarly. If you are an abuser or a recipient, you may want to consider how you treat yourself. What sorts of things do you say to yourself? Do thoughts such as “I’m stupid” or “I never do anything right” dominate your thinking? Learning to love and care for ourselves increases self-esteem and makes it more likely that we will have healthy, intimate relationships.

Basic Rights in a Relationship

The right to good will from the other.
The right to emotional support.
The right to be heard by the other and to be responded to with courtesy.
The right to have your own view, even if your partner has a different view.
The right to have your feelings and experience acknowledged as real.
The right to receive a sincere apology for any jokes you may find offensive.
The right to clear and informative answers to questions that concern what is legitimately your business.
The right to live free from accusation and blame.
The right to live free from criticism and judgment.
The right to have your work and your interests spoken of with respect.
The right to encouragement.
The right to live free from emotional and physical threat.
The right to live free from angry outbursts and rage.
The right to be called by no name that devalues you.
The right to be respectfully asked rather than ordered.
What Can You Do?

Educate yourself about emotionally abusive relationships. Two good resources include:Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse by Ann McMurray and Gregory L. Ph.D. Ph.D. Jantz (Feb 1, 2009) and The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing by Beverly Engel (Aug 13, 2003).
A counselor may be able to help you understand the impact of an emotionally abusive relationship. A counselor can also help you learn healthier ways of relating to others and caring for your own needs. It’s very important to get the help you need no one deserves to be abused.

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Thursday, July 7, 2011

When love is tragic ...

I love stories. Reading them. To listen to them. To tell them. Legchos, and eavesdropping. The jury is even if I am a good listener, but I can tell you for free that you derive pleasure to tell stories. I get a high type as a super superstar. Do you know how we remain silent to listen to your story with your comment, animation, and then when you get to the punch line, they all burst into laughter? You can do? Super! These are the little moments in my opinion, replays and glee. Some stories are good. Others are bad. Others are * really * bad — such as what happened last Saturday.

See the story of a journalist — Kabiru Wambui, very closely. You may be able to read that story here. Many people eytychise friend and noted that these two (and her husband) deep affection between them. If this is the case then what went wrong? There is the argument that no one knows for sure that was her husband who killed. It Is true. But a man who is his wife, the mother of his son, his lover kills assuming that it is what makes?

Actually pollin on this issue for a while, since I have a tendency to analyze more than stuff. I want to call it morbid curiosity. Maybe it's good, it could be. But, really, is not around the easiest. Two people who else seems too happy with the outside world can effectively deal with difficult issues. The complexities that come with relationships is so astonishing that I ranked as one of the biggest mysteries of the world. There because women in abusive relationships. I discovered that "rules" (genus) is actually a book work is missing. If such a book, I can assure you that every creature life, including whales will bring. I mean, who do not want them as the ideal relationship, devoid of pain and tragedy?

I have a theory. Two people begin already love. Everything is fine and dandy to a problem crying offset project passengers torque bliss. The party refers to the fictional "-rules-book" and quickly discovered that the communication is * in * solution. Then, communicate their frustration with the expectation that things will change. Things do not change. Enter frustration. The relations are on the job, right? Try to communicate again. Things remain constant. This is where proud checks. Decide to stop watching, as weak and exercise without a care in the world. What they don't know is that these issues of Albanian in what can be a powerful volcano. The next thing you know, these two passions explode and breaking the neck of the other.

Where am I going with all this? Ladies, it's terrible to be committed to your relationship. Is your child growing up like Royal with their father, but not if it costs you your life. What happened to this could happen to you and me. It is not our position to point fingers or to judge, but it is absolutely necessary to learn from what happened in order to avoid becoming a statistic. A man will wake up and will kill without prior notice. But there are dozens, if not hundreds of red flags. (And if you're up to the flag to hundreds wait, may God.) Red flags will this manipulative tendencies, mind games, repeated insulting comments — the kind that mess up your self-esteem. It is a raised voice, uncontrolled passions, a blow, push the discovery of indecent means, a threat will (Yes, a recognition that the words "I will kill" will kill). Listen to your intuition. With regard to this incident, she said that her friends texted, saying he was afraid for her life. ENTER THE. LEAVE. ARISE FROM THIS RELATIONSHIP BEFORE YOU DIE.

When it comes to issues of abuse (a type), is any room for "modus vivendi". None. I beg you please, with the strongest possible terms, talk with someone. Your sister, your friends, your parents, your God. Get Help. Drug users (if this is a word at all) have an uncanny way so you can trust. This dependency and lack of action later culminates with debacles such as the death of the victims of abuse.

The good book, the Bible quote: "love is patient, love is kind. It does not jealous, not boast, it is not proud. it is not rude, it is not selfish, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record injustice. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always hopes, always reliable, always perseveres. " (1 Cor 13: 4-7) I am convinced is the idea of God of love.

I can this story, because this is the story telling.

Yes, I just said that!


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Mother's day: a day of the assessment of whether a day torturing your family?


There is a new article on http://www.shrink4men.com/that examines the darker side of his mother and how some women use the day to control and are harmful for their children, spouses or ex-spouses. It also describes how women are still more power, control and crazy after birth and provides real examples of this problem.

Here is the link:

The day of the dark side of his mother aka Golden womb: High-conflict and insulting personality disturbed mothers

Shrink4Men Coaching and consulting services:

Dr. Tara j. Palmatier offers confidential, fee-for-service, consulting/coaching services to help both men and women work through relationship problems by phone and/or Skype chat. The practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and targeted results. Visit the page for Shrink4Men services for professional examinations.


View the original article here