Domestic violence, so that the victim selection

It is time to leave?

Are you a victim of domestic violence/intimate partner, don't take it as encouragement to stay in an abusive relationship. And also for the victims, this post is mainly targeted at all members of the family, friends and colleagues of the victims of abuse. I hope that the victims and those who interact with victims will have a comment for research.

It is customary for friends and family members to push the victim to leave. Often hear is, "never touching my daughter!" or "I'm making my business!" is that my personal experience my mom yelling at me, "will pay for this if you go and get a divorce." everything as I mentioned in my arms baby, standing in her home, while my husband was Carousing with his friends drink my son had included. I only have the levels of fear and confusion that I had worked with the time added. And I was of that quote, I would never have given birth to my daughter. Life would be incomplete, as I understand it today.

When you start promoting your own opinions and beliefs on a victim, even if not intended, it adds pressure, confusion and guilt. These may not be entered feeling that is their responsibility to do everything. You can see, we have learned already to everyone for our own well-being. The offender or offender has planned for us do just that and hitting the victim to make a selection only add their dilemma and mindset the abuse. Ironically, your good intentions can only be shown dissatisfaction of the victim.

Victims of abuse is often part of the "Walking Dead," If you want. You will pass resolutions, do what we had expected, but never stopped to consider what we can do with our lives. This is for everyone except us.

What you can do to the victim? Support them in their choices. I.e. you are not in favour of the choices you make, but you are personally in favour of the victim. Let us know you care, that their love, and that you are there-if and when ever they want to talk, or you might need your help.

Share valuable information that will help them wiser decisions. See the support page for the victims on my website. Recommends that you read the posts on this blog. Give them the number to the domestic violence hotline in your area, or to tell them if they ever are in crisis and need someone to talk to, Call 211. If they feel that their lives are in danger, tell them to call 911.

What you need to do is tell them to pray harder, previously abandoned or for a divorce. Here the most important factor is to encourage the victim to take back power and control over their own lives. To tell them what you need to do is another form of power and control that belongs to them. Support, encourage them to find their own answers and you realize what is needed is more the victim.

Listen to the interview with Carolyn with Cynthia Brennen, help, hope and healing. "visit everyday health, emotional well-being, website or blog at orangeblossomwishes.com

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DARVO: Refuse, and reverse attack victim and offender

There is a new article on http://www.shrink4men.com/that offers with DARVO, a phenomenon that in abusive relationships, when a spouse or a friend, who tries to keep occurs the wrongful abuse spouse or girlfriend responsible. Instead of the company responsible, abuse woman refuses the abusive behaviour, blames her husband and then makes itself a victim. The station also offers tips on how to protect yourself from it.

Here's the link:

Presto, change-o, DARVO: refuse, attack, and the victim and offender

With appreciation

Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

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Warning Signs of Your Abusive Boyfriend - Are You a Victim?

"Gosh...!! Look at him, how charming and considerate he is! He is the only one that I have ever desired." This is what we usually think when we come across someone who is charismatic and thoughtful. And we end up falling head over heels in love with him knowing very little of the demon that he has inside him.

We would overlook his jealousy and possessiveness thinking to be his way of expressing, how much he wants me and loves me, feeling on top of the world, until the day all hell breaks lose and we get to see the other side of him. We come in touch with someone, whom we have never known, a complete contrast of the person we had deeply fallen in love with. And standing right, there we see our world, which we have weaved with utmost love and care falling apart.

Thus, we begin to doubt about our safety and security in the company of that person, in whose embrace, we once found warmth and comfort. So, before taking the extreme step, knowing the person and his character traits is important, so that we don't end up spending our lives with an abuser in an abusive relationship.

Here are a set of questions which would help you to identify the personality and character of your boyfriend, whether he is likely to become an abuser or not :

1) Does your boyfriend often get jealous of you, your friends, your career and your success? Does he get jealous whenever you talk to your male friends? Does your boyfriend often accuse you of having an affair with others?

2) Does he try to dominate you to the extent of controlling on deciding what you wear and how your hair style should be? Does he treat you as if you are inferior to him? Does he force you to consider him to be the top priority of your life and obey him?

3) Has he ever abused you verbally in front of his friends and family? Does he go to the extent of hitting you for no fault of yours? Does he often threaten you with death?

4) Has your boyfriend ever committed violent crimes against others which may prove fatal? Has he ever thrown or strike or hit objects at you? Is he violent towards children and animals?

5) Does he isolate you from your friends and families? Does he always blame you for his faults and bad luck? Does he always make you feel that you are at fault? he might try to make you feel guilty for no fault of yours.

6) Is he addicted to drugs or alcohols? Sometimes a person becomes violent when he is under the influence of drugs and began to hurt others.

7) An abusive person often has a dual character. He might pretend to be very soothing and understanding than he really is in front of others.

8) His mood fluctuates every now and then. And he gets angry very fast and is generally very aggressive.

9) At one moment he will make you feel on top of the world and in the next minute he would demoralize you and throw you in a trash can.

10) He may forcibly let you do something which you do not want to do. For example he might use his physical strength to prevent you from leaving the room or may even force you to have sexual intercourse.

If you see these traits in your boyfriend's behavior then most likely your relationship is heading towards an abusive relationship. And you need to seek help and guidance from Professional counselor. You need to pay attention to the warning signs however whether you want to continue staying in the relationship or end it abruptly is going to be your own decision.

Now, after going through all the warning signs that your boyfriend is abusing you, what you need is the guidance on how to tackle with such a situation. So, here are the tips on, how to end an abusive relationship.

For more on relationship problems and their improvement, visit my website www.top54u.com

Controlling Behavior - The 4 Ways an Abuser Controls His or Her Victim

Abuse is fundamentally about control. Violence may be a manifestation of relationship abuse, but domestic abuse is really about control. And the perpetrator can't bear to be out of control. When perpetrators feel they are losing control, their means to exercise control escalates.

What are the primary ways an abuser controls his/her victim:

1) Always being right

The abuser truly believes in one perspective: his/her own. They are always right, therefore making you wrong when there is a difference between your perspective and theirs. They hold their power in having the final say...having their way.

2) Sense of entitlement

The abuser lives from an egocentric perspective. He/she doesn't see you for who you are, only for how you fulfill his/her wishes. They see the world through one set of eyes: their own. And they believe those around them exist merely to support their vision.

3) Manipulates to leverage

The abuser is highly manipulative. He/She utilizes a punishment reward system of withholding what supports you as your punishment (negative reinforcement) and promises of what supports you as your reward (positive reinforcement).

4) Batterers to make a point and get their way

The abuser uses direct battering (verbal, emotional, mental, psychological, physical or sexual) to establish and maintain unequal power in the relationship.

If you are in a relationship with an intimate partner, a friend, co-worker, sibling or a parent that evidences these four ways to exert control, you are dealing with an abuser. The sooner you see this as outside of yourself, rather than as a part of you, the easier it is to disengage from his/her control. And when you do, you'll open yourself to finding and being yourself, exerting your own control as it serves your higher interest and well-being.

If you want to understand the dynamics of controlling relationships, I invite you to check out Domestic Abuse Dynamics: Identifying Abuse. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people recognize, end and heal from abusive relationships. http://www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com