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A minister’s wife is absolutely the LAST person you would ever suspect was being abused.
“Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; who substitute darkness for light and light for darkness; who substitue bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter! Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes and clever in their own sight.” (Isaiah 5:20-21)
Women are battered every 30 seconds in this country physically, mentally, verbally and emotionally. And after years of enduring the abuse and hoping for a miracle, some of them are killed or they end up killing the abuser. But the absolute LAST woman one would ever think would find herself in an abusive situation would be the minister’s wife. Not only is she regarded as a “saint” but even more so, her husband is considered “perfect” in the eyes of his congregation, and society.
But the real truth is there are many minister’s wives who are being beaten, abused, and treated like scum by their pastor husbands and who are enduring a silent “hell” because to expose him would mean ruining his career, his ministry and destroy the faith of a congregation.
How does one explain that the man who preaches to them every Sunday about love, peace, joy, patience, endurance, family, children, and all the other morals of society that we seek to emulate, comes down out of that pulpit and goes home and beats his wife? Actually turns into a “monster?”
Hard to believe, but it is happening as I write these words. Because there are ministers out there who are Psychopaths, wolves in sheep’s clothing that the Bible warns us about. Pretending to be one thing, but they are actually just the opposite. See my article on
“Do you live with a Psychopath?”
It starts out very subtle. Most minister’s wives have supported their minister husbands through seminary, maybe even worked to put him through seminary, dutifully listened to him practice his sermons on her at home, worn the “many hats” that the congregation places on her head, like choir director, Sunday school teacher, youth director, secretary, President of the women’s society, entertained the parsonage committee, headed up Vacation Bible School, etc.
And through all of this, she is being called ugly names by her minister husband, like “fat”, “ugly”, “stupid”, etc. She could be being kicked, slapped, shoved, thrown, punched, had her life threatened, etc. all of this and more at home, behind the closed doors of the parsonage, and no one would ever know. Because they look like such a happy family at church.
She herself is having a hard time believing that this man who she loves, and who preaches God’s love, would hate and slowly destroy his wife. This is not what she thought being married to a minister was all about. And because she is very spiritual herself, and may even be a great student of the Bible, she believes that if she just tries harder, there would be nothing for her husband to complain about.
How does one endure a beating on a Saturday night and then get up on Sunday morning, get the children ready and then show up and sit in the front pew, right in front of the person who beat her, with a smile on her face, and have to listen to him preach his sermon on “How to love your wife?” When the reality is he just threw her down the kitchen stairs the night before?
How does she show up at all the hundreds of church functions acting as if nothing is happening? Does she wear long sleeves to hide her bruises? Does she show up in a neck brace one Sunday because her pastor husband threw her into a wall, but tell the congregation that her dog pulled her off her front porch?
Does she pray to God every night to help her to become more attractive to her husband? Or more submissive? Or does she ask God to change her husband?
Does she worry about what the congregation would do if she told them, at the same time realizing that they might not belive her?
Just exactly HOW does she sit in that front pew, smiling, responding to the sermon or the little jokes that her husband makes about her in the Sunday service, and not vomit as he reads beautiful scriptures about LOVE?
And what about the children? Do they witness their mother being abused, and then are they told to keep quiet about things? Do they have to “smile right along with her in church? Does she know that one day he will abuse the children as well if not already? Does she see that the children are becoming very cynical about a God who does nothing about changing their father? Just exactly what are they learning about God anyway?
And what does she do when her minister husband openly flirts with the women in the church and compliments them on how pretty they look, right in front of her, and then goes home and tells his wife that she is fat and ugly, even if it is not true?
And what does she do when she knows the community and the congregation will probably not believe her and rally around the minister? And how about the fact that if she goes to the District Superintendent or the church hierarchy and they don’t believe her?
Well, there comes a point when enough is enough. That time comes differently for different women, but sooner or later he will do the one last thing that breaks the final straw. That is when she ceases to be afraid of him. When protecting the children becomes more important than protecting his job, or the congregation’s opinion of him.
She realizes that “the pain of staying the same becomes worse than the pain of making a change in her life.”
And she comes to the point where his hypocrisy is more than she can defend or bare.
Does she get to the point where she hates him, and it makes her sick to hear him preaching from the pulpit all these platitudes as if he actually believed or knew what they meant, and she wishes he would die, or get in an accident, or never ever come home again?
Has she several times almost called up the district superintendent, or the bishop to tell them what he is doing to her, and then realized that they probably won’t believe her, but they will support him?
Does she get angry at God for allowing this to happen? Does she question God’s ability to protect her and her children? Or does she build up tremendous resentment towards God?
Each minister’s wife will have her own story to tell. Is her husband good looking, charming, have a real gift for gab, but is he the biggest hypocrite that ever lived, yet all the people in the congregation just LOVE him?
And how hard is it to open in the mail all those “thank you” cards from various members of the congregation writing beautiful words of gratitude and compliments to your husband about what a wonderful man he is, and how they could “not have made it through the funeral, or the wedding, or the accident or some other crisis without him?
Especially the little old ladies whose husbands he buried, and how about the brides he married, and the babies he baptized? It all seems so unbelievable that it has turned out like this doesn’t it? This man, who you believed in and loved deeply has now become your worst enemy. You are afraid he may actually kill you one day, because he has already threatened to.
Well take hope …. it can be done ….. God will do it for you if you can’t. He will get you OUT of that marriage with your soul and your children intact. But YOU must “let go” of the dream that your husband will ever change, or it is your fault, or you are too fat, or too thin, or not a good mother, etc. and all the other names he can think up.
Men who batter women are sick. Their problems have nothing to do with you and EVERYTHING to do with their childhood, their relationship with their parents, especially their mothers, and most importantly their relationship with God.
YOU CANNOT FIX THEM.
And more importantly, if you have a good relationship with God, hiding your husband’s abuse is as hypocritical as his hiding his abuse of you. You are not doing your children or the congregation any favors by allowing this to continue. Even if your husband has helped people in the church what do you think they would think if they knew that the man who married them, for example ALSO beats you? Would you want that type of minister to officiate at your wedding, your funeral, baptize your baby?
SOMEONE in the clergy family HAS to be HONEST for your sake, for the sake of your children, who are being abused everyday by having to sit and watch this “lie” that is in your home, and your marriage, and it is also giving them the WRONG idea of who God is.
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There is a new article on http://www.shrink4men.com/. This article examines how abuse affects children negatively citing research indicating that stress a malicious neurotoxin during the development of the brain, the youth, the fathers impossible situation is when they are the target of an abusive female partner and weights and gender bias prevalent in family law.



Verbal violence in relationships and what it does and for the
There is a new article on http://www.shrink4men.com/. It is an opinion piece of about a new domestic violence shelter for pets that just opened in Australia. Highlights the flagrant lack of domestic violence for men who abuse objectives of female partner and the absurdity of the financing services for DV shelter animals help human women and their children.
There is a new article on it explores the difference between the mind judging against mind sharp http://www.shrink4men.com/that. Makes the argument that many high-conflict and/or abuse personality-disordered people judge others according to their own inconsistent emotional States, but is not able to properly assess situations with a real sense and discernment. Also examines the consequences of this phenomenon, including Division (black and white/all-or-nothing i.e., thinking) and constant abuse targeted to individual partner high-conflict or anyone who criticises the individual challenges of high-conflict.
The Prosecutor Carolyn s. Hennecy-

January 15, 2011


There is a new article of the www.shrink4men.com Kev. who offers tips on how to overcome the Christmas and holidays and other special circumstances without your abusive ex and how we can enjoy them again.
Years ago, after standing up for himself, during a confrontation with sadness presence in my life, was a sentence said unto me that my deleting it from my life, "be careful what you burn bridges ..." I would like to remind you when I found how retort, if that person is willing to come to me an evil that would be my drive back to their door. So it was, however, the character of the person and the reason for the parting ways. Currently, brushed off the comments and went from the meeting, didn't give much thought until a few days ago, when the same wording to a friend of mine who a similar moral stand received said if I want my friend omstandighedenin a little courage, self-esteem and confirmed the broke ties with those who have long been mentally, and emotionally abuse towards him. He gave me this moment measurements define in his life and ultimately saying that he had said, "Watch" what your burning bridges. and this that I felt compelled to share with him some conclusions had come at the time I burned my bridges heard. "Keep an eye on what you burn bridges because it back this way again someday move can. "was the phrase that I said unto those who have chosen to break links with long time ago. When I heard this phrase, I remember that there are people who make their decisions based on easily-what is the "easiest" route for the long term. And then there are those who make decisions based on what you need to improve the overall prosperity, regardless of any reactions that as a result of their hearts can occur. what the person said to myself I couldn't understand is going on decades of painful sorrow, arnithikame, with my behavior, there is something that can never in my life to me back to them. When supported me deserve — their Declaration of independence from me and say "well, you deserve to love and more abuse!", I actually had "burned a bridge" still destroy this bridge was in a way to my determent policy. As the bridge burned one life end — a painful life — the way for a revival to occur which will grow and give my freedom of choice to respond to this sentence, when it was first was pitched on me based on my not wanting to continue the endless cycles of discussion going around with the person that I had already enough to lose my life. I reach that point when I was pretty sure that he himself-my options? I knew that there was never a chance that my reasons for validation for me to come to breaking with them (if they could ever take my wealth, my reasons for separation ways would Mute.) is not a real echoed verwijderenWanneer: sometimes you need to burn the bridge so that the devil did not follow us there are toxic when people in our lives that our enormous damage without ever care enough about us to see the damage that they hebbenNiets binds us to those people. Nothing obliges us to keep these people in our lives, no blood or marriage or any kind of faith. Where love is absent from a relationship with all its bonds to be solved and we need for the preservation of our life and health of mind/heart. There are those who deliberately choose to hurt us? owners don't love in their hearts to us, and whose presence is always our grief. People who don't see defect in their actions and therefore no remorse, and therefore no reason to change of their treatment of us feel. These individuals should be assigned by the interests of our prosperity, regardless of what Earth means only venturing into the unknown. And, I say unto you, when we the limit of what you put in the hands of these toxic basis can bring, they are not afraid of the light that torch. An end to the abuse. Claim that love mankind and burn the bridge and you deserve. __________________________________________________________________
There is a new article on http://www.shrink4men.com/that offers with DARVO, a phenomenon that in abusive relationships, when a spouse or a friend, who tries to keep occurs the wrongful abuse spouse or girlfriend responsible. Instead of the company responsible, abuse woman refuses the abusive behaviour, blames her husband and then makes itself a victim. The station also offers tips on how to protect yourself from it.