Healing in Abusive Relationships - 7 Secrets to Successful Survival in an Abusive Relationship

Far too often, we hear individuals in abusive relationships seeking to change their partners in order to change their relationship. While it is true that a change in either person will change the overall dynamic of the relationship, changing one's partner is only an option if it is partner self-initiated.

Rather than holding onto something that is essentially out of one's control-actually not one's business-look to changing what is within your control and is indeed your business: yourself.

In working with thousands of patients over the years, the one thing I consistently see is that when people grow to honor and respect their physical, emotional, mental and spiritual space they have no tolerance for others not doing the same.

Now as I write this, I'm keenly aware of the hair standing up on end for those that are currently struggling in an abusive relationship. Know that I, too, lived there once and I know that when being battered and remaining entangled, on some level we are failing to hold reverence for that which our abusive partner has scorned.

Thus, I invite you to look within for the revolution. It is from here that lasting change occurs. It is truly from within.

In closing, I leave you with seven secrets to successful survival in an abusive relationship, during and after should the relationship remain abusive.

1) Write--journal daily both your inner world and your outer world.

2) Whole foods--nourish your body with that which is truly nourishing.

3) Water--let pure water be your primary beverage and saturate every cell with it.

4) Work-out--find a body strengthening and toning routine and make it a regimen.

5) The Work--when you feel mental and/or emotional distress, open your thoughts to an inquiry until they let go of you and your authentic truth will emerge.

6) Welcome--expect the universe and the individuals in your world to support, honor and respect you.

7) Wholeness--meditate and know the inner well of well-being. How? By cultivating the effortless innocent discipline of letting it in.

If I could tell you which one of these items is most important, I would. However, I'm convinced that each one is an integral part of the healing process. If you are inclined to adopt one of these seven secrets to survival in an abusive relationship as a start, meditation is the place to begin. With this, all of the others naturally follow.

For more survivor success tips and healing insights, visit www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people recognize, end and heal from domestic violence

? 2008 Jeanne King, Ph.D. PreventAbusiveRelationships.com EndDomesticAbuse.org

Abusive Relationship - 3 Deadly Mistakes of Using Compliance and Submission As Survival Tools

As a domestic violence survivor, you know that you use compliance and submission to keep a lid on your partner. And the net result is you keep violence at bay...or so it appears.

While this is a very effective strategy to stay safe in one's home, it has its price. What are your compliance and your submission costing you?

Compliance and submission exercised to keep a lid on one's violent partner yields the following:

1) Keeps you in the dark with respect to who and what you are. If you routinely dismiss factoring in your desires, you ultimately lose sight of what they are. You become accustomed to making decisions without checking in with yourself.

In your abusive relationship, you can expect this to help keep peace. Without anything rocking the boat-like your individual opinions, you anticipate smooth sailing.

But the day will come when you realize that you, yourself, do not know who and what you are. And even more disturbing, you've lost the tools to access your inner knowing, your personal preferences, your individual needs, desires and dreams.

2) Keeps your partner in the dark with respect to who and what you are. If your preferences are consistently shoved to the side, your partner cannot cultivate an authentic appreciation of who you are.

In an abusive relationship, this works fine because abusers only seek to know you as an extension of them. Thus, if you are catering to his/her needs and supporting life from his/her vision and dreams, all is well.

But the day will come when both you and your partner realize that he/she has no clue as to who and what you are. And as a habit, he/she will fail to factor you in as a participating partner in the relationship, which then...

3) Tells you and your partner that your relationship consists of one person. If your desires and preferences are withheld or dismissed, you implicitly agree not to exist in the relationship.

In an abusive relationship, this, too, works fine. In fact, this is a requirement for the abusive relationship to maintain itself. There can only be one "real" person in the relationship in order for it to prevail. The other person is there to support the existence and expression of the dominant, controlling party in the relationship.

Ultimately, over time, it occurs to you that you have no relationship. Because your "relationship us" is really about one person-your abusive partner.

If you are using compliance and submission to keep peace in your home, be mindful of the long-term disturbance that you are inevitably creating for yourself. Seek to break the cycle of domestic abuse, before you lose yourself in your relationship.

For information about abusive relationships, visit http://www.preventabusiverelationships.com/ebooks.php and claim Free Instant Access to Survivor eInsights. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse. Copyright 2010 Jeanne King, Ph.D.